Hi! This is Ghosthunter and hope that I didn't offend!

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1)...The Question?

Am I truly evil?
Can you forgive my self-preservation?
Have I completely lost your respect by being
self-preserving?
Can you respect me again?


2)...Statements by Ghosthunter!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

3)...The Question Repeated!

Am I truly evil?
Can you forgive my self-preservation?
Have I completely lost your respect by being
self-preserving?
Can you respect me again?

I can forgive it, because I understand the source. But I will be honest - it makes me a little wary. I do not know how far you would go to protect yourself.

In my personal code, self-preservation crosses the line into evil when innocents are permanently harmed. I can be more specific about what I mean by that in a PM if you like, to protect your privacy - just ask. You know your own modes intimately: from within them, do you have the control not to hurt those who don't deserve it? Can you tell the difference between someone who deserves it and someone who does not? Would you stop and turn fury inwards instead of outwards if you realized you were about to cross that line?

You have not lost my respect. Please understand that by asking these questions I am not angry with you, I am simply looking to understand.

By all means send this PM. I wrote this little ditty to illustrate
my regret that the posters here on WrongPlanet and
circumstances stood in my shadow of self-preservation.

I try to be nice, but do have lines I do not like crossed!

good to see you back on form, GH

And I am glad to be back in form!
Hows it going with you Vetivert?
Is the #1 spot really what you expected?

For me it was better to be in #2, or #3.
Less competition and more freedom to
express oneself without competition
being the goal!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

LOL

wasn't my intent, hon - just on school holidays at the mo, so more time to spend on here. oh how my posts shall wither and shrink when i go back to work...

(and nobody needs to say "thank God/gods/non-denominational greater being/non-religious superpower etc., for that", thank you )

and i'm really well thank you it's been many years since i've been able to say that, so saying it feels a bit strange...

Why is now a good time for you? Strange...implies a long time
since when?

at least 10 years. i suffer from clinical depression, and this is the first time i haven't been really depressed for any length of time for at least that long (have been in and out of depressions for nearly 30 years, that i know of).

generally, i'm happy when i'm with a partner, and seriously depressed when i get dumped (which is the norm, i'm afraid). for the first time i can remember, i'm not quite as obsessed with finding a partner as i usualy am (not that i don't want a partner, just that it isn't the all-encompassing mission it normally is for me).

i'm doing lots of other things at the mo (which is taking my mind off it). i'm also rested because i haven't got the stress of working, and can do my own thing. no-one's hassling me for or about anything (people being the main source of stress for me). i'm doing a lot of exercising, so all those endorphins (or something) are rocketing around my system, and i actually don't hate the way i look, for a change.

funnily enough, i told my therapist all this yesterday, and she went silent, probably through shock, especially the bit about not having a partner. how we laughed at the expression on her face

it's actually quite scary for me to say "i'm happy" as, no matter how dreadful depression is (and it is for me), it's what i know, and so it's safe. it feels quite exhilarating and liberating to write all this, but also rather shaky. i do know that realising i have AS helped, as the difficulties i have are no longer "my fault", and i know what i can and can't do and work around or with Me to make the most of it.

gosh - what a long reply. you have got me thinking! thank you

Last edited by vetivert on 07 Dec 2005, 4:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hmmmm? I am not a expert on clinical depression! What makes you depressed when this happens?



What kind of partners inspire you the most?



What is your Ph.D in? or going to be in?
What is the topic, or title of this book?
Have you found a publisher yet?



I have not seen a clear picture of you. From the way you sound
I would say you would have no problem with your appearance.

And besides, you don't have the curse of being G.H!



Hmmmm? We....? I realise psychologist, ect... can
add humor to things in their reactions, but who is we?



I am glad you could write this. I enjoy clarity and
understanding of others. I offer it for cleansing
my space, spirit and mind. I am glad you can
express it as well.

Thus a shaking hand means sincerity! That is good!



And I say thank you for sharing as well! This is why communication
is always a good thing. God/Goddess bless! Bless it be!


Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

anything, from being dumped, to "getting it wrong", whatever "it" happens to be at the time. i have a propensity for depression all the time, so sometimes, it takes very little to kick me into a major depression. it's reactive, but then i've heard that all depression is reactive. still thinking about that one.



those who allow me to be me, without taking any BS! intelligence is my first criterion, then music, some form of philosophy or spirituality which means they can THINK (as well as being intelligent - they're not the same). someone who has an independent existence form me, who is their own person. someone who can look after me when i need it, and who i can do the same for when HE needs it. blimey, GH - why am i payng a therapist, when you're around, eh? LOL



i'm extremely good at appearing more confident than i actually am, a lot of the time.



a curse? nope - not subscribing to that one



myself and my therapist - i pointed out that she'd gone quiet, and we laughed, cos it's so outlandish that i should admit to being happy - she's never heard the like, in 7 years




i agree - and this is why communication is so vital, in so many things.

and Blessed Be to you too, GH

Last edited by vetivert on 07 Dec 2005, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ghosthunter I totally understand the need to vent. I am way too worried about offending people to do so but I understand.

No, you didn't offend me at all, Ghosthunter. I know you are inquisitive. If you have a question, I have an answer, and I try my best to give you an honest one.

You ask a lot from someone, but it is not my place to
say! I wish you luck in finding a relationship!

I am honored that you are conveying these feelings.
I am also surprised! but awed by their intensity.
Thanks!



When you say "familar" I am thinking a witches cat, or animal
guide-forgot the word animal! One they are intune with?





Regarding me or you? and who is cursed?






God/Goddess Bless back...Vetivert(bless it be)

And thanks for posting her Yealc. I like that name.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

And thankyou for posting here Larsen. It is always
pleasant to see you posts in my forums!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Take a look round the board, I think you'll have a hard time offending us more than certain other people have already . And we keep them around!