Unintentional Offensiveness

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Today I had a BONSAI meeting with Sophist and Donnie. It went pretty well, but I exhibited some of my more noticeable social deficits in rare form (and they caught me on it). I did tend to interrupt them a lot; but they were doing that, too—when talking to aspies, it's the only way to get a word in edgewise! I was also trying to draw their attention to the hot woman behind them who had caught my attention. I couldn't think of a subtle way to indicate it, so I decided to say to the right, behind you, Donnie. Too obvious. These are common aspie problems, though; and they are only tangental to the point I want to make in this topic.

By my unintentional offensiveness, I am referring to some of my posts, my quasi-trolls. I say stuff I blatantly don't believe or twist common stereotypes and beliefs ad absurdum—I'll even twist my own beliefs to absurdity! It's a kind of dry humor, irony. I may take another person's idea and take it to its extreme, or its extreme's opposite.

I believe my mind tends to be understimulated more than most—or it can just handle a higher level of stimulation and sensory input without being overwhelmed. This is an explanation, not an excuse! This compels me to find or create somewhat more exciting situations that are still within my comfort zone socially. At worst, I mean to provoke, or stimulate, conversation in a new vein, even if it is somewhat obnoxious. It's kind of like a motor stim (pacing, hand flapping, and such); we just do it. When I see the same threads when I check the forum, just reading the responses to the same topic doesn't stimulate me mentally enough, I suppose. I do not have any kind of malicious intentions of flaring people up and seeing them huffing and puffing because of something I wrote—really I'd just like to see them laugh, take it half seriously, and discuss any thoughts my posts have given them.

This is something I think I need to say, and I'm glad I did. I know some people are starting to become a little bit suspicious of me of late. I hope this post clarifies things a little.

I'm sorta like you, I tend to find an idea and argue for the opposite of it, even if I don't believe in it, sometimes to the extreme...

I also sometimes tend to say things delibratley looking for a response from someone, I guess that's trolling?

GA

Exactly how is saying "behind you, Donnie" because you want to draw their attention to a hot girl, a bad Aspie thing? Guys do it all the time, just being guys. My brothers do it all the time: "Check her out, she's got a tight ass/big rack/some other comment about physical looks".

Were you really loud, were you?

Well, I think it's rude to say things like that!

Actually there were quite a few people standing within hearing distance. I just got up and walked out, lol

I truly hate it when guys make rude remarks about my physical attributes as I want to be respected for my mind not my figure. It's not so bad if they said, "what a pretty lady" of "hasn't she got beautiful hair" or "what a cool dress" or something like that.

It's more of a male thing than an AS thing. Guys often say stuff loudly so the girl would hear to impress his mates.

I get whistled at all the time in pubs, I don't think many girls would take offence at a complement, so don't worry.

Also, saying 'Behind you, Donnie', could be taken to be warning him that there's someone behind him, so don't quickly turn around and start walking/walk backwards. Hearing that, I would probably take as a warning rather than 'There's a good looking girl behind you'. I doubt the girl would have even realized what he was talking about.

I agree that it's nice to get a compliment but to have a yobbo remark yelled out isn't a compliment to me. No wonder Sophist walked out!

Perhaps a more subtle approach would have been better eg. a nudge and a whisper in the ear. I also think in mixed company that it is polite to admire more quietly. A certain number of women will get offended otherwise.

Let me say I was chuckling as I walked out and we were about to leave anyways. I figured that was an opportune moment.