Do people with AS live happly ever after?

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chrismjoyce
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16 Mar 2008, 11:31 am

Something i am dying to know as one. I would like to find the right girl out there, settle down in life. Does any one have that answer?



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16 Mar 2008, 11:35 am

I'm willing to bet there is a person out there for everyone (including us aspies.) I've met two amazing girls already in my short seventeen years, but didn't form a real relationship with the first and "only" enjoy a good friendship with the second, because of social ineptitude in the former and the fact that she's sadly already taken in the latter.

There is someone for you. Don't forget that. It may simply take time for you to find them.



chrismjoyce
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16 Mar 2008, 11:44 am

There is that to it, are there people as well that are successful of course the speculation about Bill Gates is he autistic? Any one ?



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16 Mar 2008, 11:55 am

It's possible. I've been married for 48 years to the same man. It's been mostly happy. I only found out last year (I'm 65) that I have AS. Before that, most people just thought of me as a little whacky, including myself I guess. We have 5 children and 13 grandchildren. My husband and I are nothing alike, he is an extrovert, but we are devoted to each other and our children.



ebec11
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16 Mar 2008, 12:03 pm

chrismjoyce wrote:
Something i am dying to know as one. I would like to find the right girl out there, settle down in life. Does any one have that answer?
I'm looking for that answer too :(
I want to have a husband and a little girl, though I'll have the little girl whether I have a husband or not. I don't think that's too much to ask...



chrismjoyce
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16 Mar 2008, 12:11 pm

You lost me slightly ebec11



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16 Mar 2008, 12:14 pm

You mean something like out of a fairy tale? Don't we all want that? I may never be satisfied no matter what good comes to me. Isn't it the little things in life that count? As for relationships, I'm no longer in a hurry like I use to be. It would be nice but I now question if a relationship is worth it. I'd have to have some friendship before getting into a serious relationship. I mean I wouldn't want to all of a sudden find out that I was now married to the Big Bad Wolf. I've seen too many disasters from my friends who are too quick at wanting a marriage or a committed relationship. Yet they do they same thing over again.



Wadena
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16 Mar 2008, 12:23 pm

You have to work smarter and harder than everybody else.......just like every other issue that handicapped people face in life.

Accept the struggles, take pride in your hard-won accomplishments however small they may be.....that's what I think.

I found a perfect partner on my third marriage at age 50. Sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn about relationships.

I'm very happy. I had some tough times to get here.


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16 Mar 2008, 1:04 pm

I'm on my second marriage, but it is indeed a great one. The key, as mentioned above, is to find someone who's willing to accept you as you are - they can't change you, you're not going to change, at least not in the ways they might want. Of course, another key is to remember that "happily ever after" isn't as easy as the storybooks make it sound. You both have to commit to the relationship, to actively caring for each other. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it in the end.

My personal recommendation is to look for someone with whom you're happy and comfortable, someone you look forward to seeing and relaxing with. Don't insist on the romance-novel descriptions of skipping hearts and flaming passions - being In Love is fun, but it doesn't last. What you need is someone you love, even after In Love is over. (Heinlein said once that love is what you have when the sex stops. If it's either sex or fighting, all the time, then it's not love, it's lust - which can be fun in its own right, but won't last. That was the first marriage.) :)


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16 Mar 2008, 1:07 pm

I probably will eventually, at least I hope. I can't help but think there is a good reason I haven't met anyone yet. Like maybe I'm not ready for a relationship or the person for me just hasn't come into my life yet.


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chrismjoyce
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16 Mar 2008, 1:09 pm

I suppose there is that to it. I am looking for a fairy tale , i am looking at ways of keeping happy and getting upset due to the problems we face



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16 Mar 2008, 1:40 pm

re: Do people with AS live happily ever after?

It's possible - if you are willing to embrace who you yourself are, and forget fantasies, preconceived notions, family expectations, and societal norms.

I have finally reached "happily ever after", after accepting that for me that means a (mostly) reclusive life where I have lots of time to draw, paint, think, read, ...and get up at midnight to exercise and run in the moonlight. And occasionally socialize with people here.

Squeeze me into a "normal" relationship where I would actually have to live with someone else, engage in daily conversations, do normal "couples things", watch TV and shop in malls, and I would be miserable. (Been there, done that - failed miserably. :lol: ) My need to be with people can be satisfied with a teaspoonful. Others need swimmingpoolsful. Oceansful.

Whatever you need to make you happy is possible and readily available and will come to you IF you yourself are projecting outwardly an honest image of your inward self, wants, and needs. Walk around being who you think others want you to be, and you will attract people into your life interested in a false "you".

If walking around being yourself attracts absolutely no one (doubtful, but if you are clueless like I am - you will never know unless you have family and /or friends cluing you in) - you may find someone interested in your mind on the internet. Still no bites? Alone isn't such a bad "happily ever after". :lol:

Best wishes to you in your quest!
Chuck



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16 Mar 2008, 1:49 pm

I'm now pondering what Wadena said, "Sometimes you have to make mistakes to have relationships." Kind of reminds me of that quote, "Better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all." I guess that's my problem is fear of failure. :roll:



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16 Mar 2008, 2:09 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I'm now pondering what Wadena said, "Sometimes you have to make mistakes to have relationships." Kind of reminds me of that quote, "Better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all." I guess that's my problem is fear of failure. :roll:


Maybe a change of perspective will help alleviate your fear:
Most relationships end in "failure", if failure is defined as a relationship that doesn't last.
On the other hand, every relationship is a success if you allow it to unfold in a natural way, accept the gifts and lessons you receive from it, explore it for what it's worth, devote yourself to it while you are in it, enjoy it while it lasts, allow it to end a natural death if that is where it leads, and part as individuals mindful not to harm one another.



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16 Mar 2008, 2:11 pm

I always wondered this myself. All I want in life is a modest income, modest home, small family and to have enjoyed life as much as possible, I dont need to be rich, famous, popular or powerful.


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16 Mar 2008, 2:15 pm

My greatest desire is for people to love my games, especially for their storylines. I don't need to be rich, but if my stories are as loved as I hope they are, I probably will end up rich.


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