All people on the spectrum want to be alone?

Page 1 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,265

18 Jul 2008, 2:47 pm

veruniel wrote:
I like to be alone in my room, but I'm very glad I have a housemate. She's my very dear friend and she watches out for me. And I need watching out for, because of my depressive bouts. And while I don't like being in crowds or large groups of people and value my time alone, I do very much enjoy company. Sometimes my housemate and I will sit in the same room together, reading and essentially not communicating but enjoying the closeness of another person. And I have a notaboyfriend (for lack of a better word) whom I see at least once a week, usually more. He's also comfortable with silence (and I strongly suspect he's AS) and we spend a lot of time just sitting quietly together. I value both our interaction and our moments of silence. In short, I like to be alone but not all the time. I certainly wouldn't want to cut myself off from other people.


I'm glad you found a good room mate!



jayssite
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 54
Location: NY, USA

18 Jul 2008, 2:49 pm

veruniel wrote:
And I have a notaboyfriend (for lack of a better word)


I think "male friend" would fit



Averick
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Mar 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,709
Location: My tower upon the crag. Yes, mwahahaha!

18 Jul 2008, 3:07 pm

Yep, i like to be alone. Though it's nice to be around someone at least once a day.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

18 Jul 2008, 3:39 pm

By the way this blog post about Autreat by a friend of mine is probably relevant to this thread.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


qaliqo
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 156
Location: SW Ohio

18 Jul 2008, 4:10 pm

Touching on a nerve here, having enjoyed living solo more than with others.

Yes, prefer to be alone. Yes, enjoy being around people, especially those who like me around -- not those who want me to be like them. Had lots of roomies over the years, most seemed like more trouble than worth. Had a girlfriend/fiance/wife, lived with her from May 2001-August 2007, Aspie-ness a primary reason it didn't work.

Un-DXed, but went to therapy for many years as a child, mostly to the tune of "what a smart-a-- jerk". Finally realize that AS describes 95% of problems with authority figures, parents, and peers. Wish it had been known 20 years ago, would have saved lots of trouble and hardship, all bridge underwise with the water.


_________________
q/p


ImMelody
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 788
Location: DFW, TX

18 Jul 2008, 4:28 pm

I can't stand being alone.. At the same time I can't stand being around a lot of people.. I can't stand being around people who don't take me for me. And not the face value me.. Who I really am when I'm finally comfortable. Yeah, I come off as shy and subservient (I really do in real life) and "helpless" (for lack of a better word), but so many people don't even try to get past the initial appearance. And yeah, new situations overwhelm me.. But I have found over the years that I need to sit in this situations (not interact) before I'm ever comfortable (rarely does this happen).

I'm glad I found someone sorta like me.. Where I have tons of focus, he has barely any (lolAS with lolADHD)... Where I worry, he's comforting (because he never was as a child).. When I'm tired of interaction, he usually is too (guess it must be just as hard for him with ADHD to always act collected).. And we have two kids who also get tired of constant interaction.. So we can generally coincide in the same place without driving each other cuckoo.

So really what I'm saying is.. I can't stand to be alone.. But that doesn't mean I always want to interact. :)



CRACK
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 765

18 Jul 2008, 4:41 pm

Everybody needs their alone time and their together time. And its no different for us, except that we learn to make the most out of our alone time since the latter can be a strain.



Hodor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 907
Location: England

18 Jul 2008, 5:25 pm

Hodor likes being alone, hates being lonely. Hodor also sometimes refers to himself in the third person.

Since I completely fail at social interaction, I've built my life around avoiding much contact with many people outside the family. It's bad, and it doesn't do me any good, but I don't have anything in common with anyone, so part of the package of being alone most of the time means that I'm also lonely most of the time. But I'm not complaining, it's my choice to avoid contact with other people.


_________________
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."


PunkyKat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,492
Location: Kalahari Desert

19 Jul 2008, 12:08 am

I do. Whenever unfamialir people start gabbing to me about their kids and their social life I think: "Get away from me you freakin' creep!" I've actualy called them the nastiest things I can think of to make them go away too. I want to get a big scary animal like a tiger or mountaion lion to keep people at bay. My dogs and cat are the only company I need. Go away!



earthmonkey
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jun 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 432

19 Jul 2008, 1:05 am

Sometimes I prefer being alone, other times I'd like to be around people. more. Another affect of being around other people, is something that varies: sometimes having people be near me helps me to get things done, but usually only if they're prompting me along the way.

Other times, having someone in the same house as me can be tremendously distracting, and having anyone in my eyesight will be stressful (particularly in evenings at home, when I'd just been alone for a few hours).


_________________
"There are things you need not know of, though you live and die in vain,
There are souls more sick of pleasure than you are sick of pain"

--G. K. Chesterton, The Aristocrat


19 Jul 2008, 1:14 am

PunkyKat wrote:
I do. Whenever unfamialir people start gabbing to me about their kids and their social life I think: "Get away from me you freakin' creep!" I've actualy called them the nastiest things I can think of to make them go away too. I want to get a big scary animal like a tiger or mountaion lion to keep people at bay. My dogs and cat are the only company I need. Go away!



Can you be nicer than that? How about being civil by telling them you want to be alone by yourself?



Chaotica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 714
Location: Hyperborea, buried under the ice and snow

19 Jul 2008, 3:38 am

I like to be alone when working and concentrating on something, sometimes I wish to stay alone in my room like an animal hiding in a lair. But I can't stay for a long time without my family and my boyfriend and I'm really scared to stay lonely in my old age (if I'll reach it, of course).



Vimse
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 143
Location: Norway

19 Jul 2008, 5:32 am

I live alone and have little human contact. I talk to people maybe 2 or 3 times per month. Don't wish to be alone, just don't know how to interact with people. Get depressed sometimes because of this.



Birdgirl
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 307

19 Jul 2008, 7:35 am

Generally speaking, yes.. I'm not so sure about it anymore though. I've isolated myself for so long (though I've maintained a few friends and relationships) that I'm just used to it, I'm not accustomed to being around people on a regular basis. I need a lot of alone time to "recharge" and think, BUT if I'm not careful--if I isolate myself too much I start losing my mind a little. At the same time I can't force myself into going out and being around people, because that can sometimes end up badly, with me just withdrawing even more. It's tiring trying to maintain the right balance.
If I met people that were more like myself and understood me, then maybe this wouldn't be an issue..But these people are rare and when I do find them, they end up leaving/disappearing.


_________________
She Came From The Swamp. . .


AnnePande
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 994
Location: Aarhus, Denmark

19 Jul 2008, 9:16 am

It would be interesting to know if it would be easier socializing with other aspies than with NTs, so it became easier to be around people?

As for me, I like being alone and enjoy my own company. Eg. I may walk around in the city for a whole Sunday afternoon without getting bored. But I enjoy other people's company too.



syzygyish
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2007
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,086
Location: swimming in the air

19 Jul 2008, 9:18 am

I've realised recently that what has fed my addiction to WP
is the tantalising potential of actual engagement
in a one to one, face to face, conversational dialogue
with ppl who match my interests and abilies.

Dr Tony Attwood says : "NT's social requirements are like a bucket
that has a hole in it; no matter how much it is topped up, it can never be full.
'We' on the other hand, have social requirements the size of a small cup.
When it's full, it's full!
"No more! I've had enough, please stop""


_________________
Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb