Do people try and manipulate you due to lack of social skill

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I sometimes feel this way.

But on the other hand, I think maybe these people trying to manipulate me are also trying to manipulate NTs as well. In other words, I might be taking it personally.

Well, I think manipulative people will manipulate anyone they can... NT, Aspie, Alzheimer's, it doesn't matter.

I deal with manipulative people on a daily basis, unfortunately, and I absolutely hate it. That people can be that way really disgusts me.

But my lack of social skills and my naivete are the reasons why I'm more easily manipulated than most others.

lack of social skills might make them see you as an easy target, but I don't think that it is personal, people who are manipulative typically manipulate everyone, they can't help it and I have known some that would also like to be manipulated in return, they don't see it as a bad thing, just a means to an end, a way to get their needs met.. they want what they want and probably don't have the ability to be assertive or direct.
I am over 40 years old and only recently realized that my own Mother has been trying to manipulate me since I was a kid, but it didn't work on me so she just gave up and let me do whatever I wanted, the reason it didn't work is because the tactics she uses (such as the silent treatment) don't even register in my mind as a problem, I didn't even know she was ignoring me, so while in some ways we might be easier to manipulate, in other ways, manipulative people probably find us very frustrating because we don't respond the way we are 'supposed to'.

This is how I see it. Nearly everyone is a manipulator to some extent. You have to be somewhat manipulative to stay alive. Otherwise how are you going to find food, shelter, a job? You have to survive somehow and your survival depends on others and how good you are at talking them into providing some of your basic needs.
For instance, you have skills, you market them, you find a job, you get things like health care, food, shelter, a sense of contributing to the betterment of society.
Marketing your skills is basic manipulation.
Sometimes, certain people aren't allowed to be manipulative but other people are.
Why this is I don't know. That has been the biggest mystery of all to me. Why is person "A" allowed to be a manipulative, needy jerk while person "B" is completely loathed for being the exact same way? That is something I don't get. That must be the AS in me because I don't get that. It seems to me, logically, that person A and person B should get the same results from the same manipulations BUT THEY DON'T.

Yet another possible cause for my on off paranoia. There was a lot wrong with my educational years, and I'm only fresh out of that time.

I think perhaps people did... it doesn't happen now, but I often feel very cautious around strangers.

I'm not sure, although I can be manipulated and am naieve.

We need to become manipulators in order to succeed in the world. We already have so many disadvantages that it would simply a step closer to fairness in life.

People try to manipulate me all of the time, usually for money, but also for "favors" and whatever influence I can bring to bear on their behalf.

Most obvious is when a person who formerly ignored me or was merely civil to me tries to become my "best friend" in a very short amount of time - usually less than a day. Their friendship always evaporates just as quickly.

Other obvious methods are attempts to appeal to my emotions, especially Envy, Fear, Guilt, Hatred, Lust, Pity, and Pride.

Last edited by Fnord on 03 Dec 2008, 12:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Not neccesarilly - Aspies may need to be mentally strong, and perhaps protect themselves a bit, yes, but not become manipulators. I would hate to just go around manipulating people - screams immorality.

I'd have to interact with them first, and when I have, no one can manipulate me, as I'll only do things that I want to do, and what I want to do is completely mediated by me; I'm cut-off from the thoughts and feelings of others.

I think that recognizing manipulators is one of my blind spots.

I usually don't see it. When I was a kid, from ages four to twelve, I was best friends with a girl who basically manipulated me all the time. Due to my blind spots and lots of bad experiences, I call into question pretty much anyone I come into contact with and what his or her motivations are. It's not healthy, but after a while you get tired of being used.

Sadly, it still happens anyway.

When I was younger, yeah. In fourth grade they did. Now they don't.

Eventually, I had to formulate a set of IRON RULES that govern my own behavior in regard to other people. These rules effectively prevent me from being exploited or manipulated AGAINST MY BEST INTERESTS. (Example; Iron Rule # 3; No free gigs--I MUST get paid). The rules apply only to myself, no one ever knows about them, usually, and they work very well.

I find that the people around me who are there for good reasons don't do things that would cause me to break any of these rules. Whenever someone does, it's a red flag, and I watch them closely afterward.

I've been accused of being paranoid. Such accusations really make me angry. If those accusers could only see through MY eyes . . .

Signs of a manipulator:

Points out how someone else is better than you.

Warns of potential jeopardy that you may not be able to avoid.

Points out your mistakes, or reminds you of past mistakes, no matter how insignificant they may be.

Tells you how awful other people are and the nasty things they've done, especially if they do the kinds of things you hate.

Sudden increase in friend-like attention, followed by an equally sudden drop in interest.

Comes across as sexually available, but never quite seems to follow through

Has a sad, sad story to tell, full of pathos and misfortune.

Gets in your face, shouts at you, insults you, and makes threats.

Finds the least things to flatter and praise you for.

Manipulators use these tactics in order to get you to do something for them. It is always for their personal benefit, whether for financial gain, political influence, or to just the shear joy of seeing if they can pull your chain and make you perform for them. Usually, the behavior stops either when they get what they wanted from you, or when it becomes obvious that you won't play their games. Sometimes, however, a manipulator will change tactics, and try to play you from another angle.

A person who displays one or more of these behaviors now and then may not be a manipulator, but someone who practices most of them most of the time may very well be trying to provoke you into doing something that you would not normally do.

Never mistake niceness for interest, interest for friendship, friendship for committment, or committment for permanancy.

I don't know if I agree with that. I have certain experiences and am open about them not because I want to gain anything from anyone but because I want others to avoid the same situations.
You have to ask yourself why people are telling you the story and take the content into consideration. Even someone talking about their sister needing an operation might not mean they want money, just understanding.

Sometimes people talk about frustrations hoping for advice on how to handle them. Not everyone is trying to manipulate you out of money or favors when they talk about problems in their lives.

One sure sign of a manipulator that you didn't mention, is someone who says rotten things about you behind your back trying to get others to hate you. That is a classic form of manipulating.
That's a really destructive one too.