First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Same way a parent can love their child without having a marriage/dating relationship with their child.

There's a choice element to love. Still, love is much more than choosing to be in a particular relationship with someone.

Also, and this relates to what Carada said, loving someone else doesn't mean I don't also love myself. I still love myself, and take care of my own needs. Love doesn't mean taking whatever someone else gives. Love for myself and love for the other person both mean setting appropriate boundaries, as far as what's acceptable, and not just staying and taking what isn't okay.

Why do some NT's tend to point us out whenever we do something bad, yet when they do stuff that is of the same caliber of inappropriateness, they think it's cool? This is something that's been going on during middle school, and I just find it annoying.

They're called 'jerks'. They do it to make themselves seem superior, which actually fools no-one but themselves. Feel pity for them.

Could be `jerky` behaviour, indeed. But it also happens unintended, I guess. NT doesn't mean psychic. Most people are not so sensitive about their own behaviour and even less about the impact it has on someone else's feelings. And what goes on inside my NT-mind usually attracts my NT-attention more than what goes on outside of it. Most people are restricted in their empathy, just because they can't feel outside themselves; they merely can imagine the feelings of others (when requested). If you want them to imagine your feelings, just ask them.

What is the best learning style for an adult Aspie? I need help understanding where my son is coming from. Please advise.

Well, it varies; we can't tell you how to teach a person we don't know anything about. What do you want to teach him and what's he like? What are his strengths and weaknesses?

For me i was self taught. Everything i did i HAD to do myself and experience the good and the bad or the wrong and the right. Trying to comprehend something you don't grasp is probably the hardest thing i found. So, by doing things on my own, i experienced it for myself.. if that makes any sense?

if NT's refuse to be our friends, employ us and can't communicate with us effectivly to deliver services effectivly why don't they just euthanize us - seems aspies aren't the ones lacking in empathy . . . .

Because they're squeamish about killing. Also because that's not their job. And some do it anyway.

Amy,

Being that he is most likely highly intelligent, you may find success utilizing them all. Verbal, Visual, Aural, and Kinesthetic. If you mix and match them for lessons, you may find some success. As far as telling where he is coming from, that will take time and patience and lots of research, possibly. I'm not really sure about that part of it. As a NT, I know that research and forums such as these definitely helped me understand more about the condition.

"NTs" don't do those things. Individual persons do that. And only some of them.

Furthermore, normal people have no desire to kill people they don't want to be friends with. Normal people have no desire to kill people they don't want to hire. Normal people don't have any real desire to kill people they can't effectively communicate with.

(Since I don't know what you mean by "deliver services effectively", I can't comment on that; I do assume you mean specific services, and aren't, say, suggesting NT trash people aren't able to pick up trash at houses of aspie people, which would be included if you meant all services.)

Well since I've been isolated from other aspies and auties in the deep south where the least understanding people in the entire f****ing world live (yeah it's been fun -_-) I'm quite used to being around NT's in fact that's practically all I've known. So I can't really think of much to ask except maybe what do you think it feels like to struggle with basic interactions, even with close friends that your comfortable with? I'd like nothing more than to not be scared to death of a friends reactions to everything I say. I get sweaty and nervous every time we have a conversation with meaning and need to rest in solitude later drowning in my own thoughts. Tell me what do you think that's like? Do you deal with any of that and I'm just recounting normal problems?

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Last edited by marshall on 11 Oct 2010, 10:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm sure he loves and cherishes me in his own way. However, his way includes me getting about one hour a day of time with him (when I lived with him, now that I don't, calling him once a week is too much), if he feels like it, and my coming second or third to work and video games. I was in tears through much of our relationship and even am right now because I just called him and he was busy, so he spoke to me like I was a piece of crap and then told me never to call or text him again. I guess I should put up with his behavior if it is going to be assumed that I would rather have a NT sociopath. I might love him with all my heart, but the line has to get drawn somewhere. Talking to me hatefully for even speaking or calling, handling me brusquely when I'm trying to explain myself, and acting/treating me like his time is better spent without me - I just don't see how it could be that he truly loves and cherishes me. I just don't.

Oh, and I don't want some knight-in-shining armor he-man, just a man who can possibly treat me like I matter is all I want. I'm sick of being ignored, abused, and stepped on. Anyway, I meant to post in response to someone else who was talking about the need for emotional connection. It is not bad or wrong to want that, and if the truth is that the man you are with (Asperger's or not) can not do it, then you must look elsewhere to have what is important to you met. What is so bad about that, really?

It seems to me that my ex wants someone who wants nothing to do with him, will bow to his needs and wants at all times with no compromise or at least not care about him enough to really be involved, and is not in his way with needs, wants, or emotions. I say, good luck to him. I can't live like that; I've tried for three years. Your assumption is that he is just like you, marshall, but not all men with AS are good ones. Have you backhanded a girlfriend because she was upset about something and wouldn't leave you alone to concentrate on something else? Have you ever told her she was stupid or a pain in the ass because she had needs? I will not be made into the typical image of a NT woman by assumptions that I'm not doing or caring enough. I wiped his nose and nursed his needs for three years; I was practically his mother and it was expected of me. I am going to stop before I really start into it, but I hope you understand that everyone's situation is different, and no one with AS (or who is NT) is the same. I would still prefer to be with a man who had Asperger's over a NT man because there are great qualities to many men with AS. I just found one who doesn't have those qualities.

I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but I am a bit angry and wounded from what just happened to me, so please understand that. I also can't stand being the "bad" gal when everything is two-sided.

... You know it's things like this Carada that really burns my biscuits (sorry southerner -_-). Because all my life I've wanted to treat a girl with love and attention because other guys seem to not grasp the fact there dealing with another human being with emotions. I really don't think that his behavior is a result of his AS I think that's just his personality. But then again I only got a very small bit of information from that. To be honest this sounds like it should be in the relationship board as opposed to this but still. I'm sorry I've gone on for awhile and haven't addressed anything you said. For one thing if you really want him to show you more attention, and check to see if he really loves you or not, (and I can't believe I'm about to suggest it as it's not in my nature.) but I believe you need to start shunning him as well, maybe even leave entirely for awhile, say YOUR too busy with something else important when he calls. If you do this you will find out if he is or not because 1 of 2 things will happen. Either he really didn't care and will accept it, or he dose care and this will hurt him. Either way you find out if he dose really love you or not and if he get's hurt by it then you have a chance to talk about how that's how you've been hurt too. Since he has AS feeling it himself will help him understand your predicament better and you'll be able to work with him better.

in the big picture 'indifferent.
But it's a good start from where they are now.