Apergian females are normal?

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Females are not always smarter but a lot of the time.

Look at that, they're accepted by their non-aspergian friends, their friends protect them and they are in significantly less need of psychological and social help. Contrast that to the typical social outcomes of aspergian males who are bullied and taunted.[/quote]



....

Sorry, let me try again.

Oh yeah, sure, my childhood experiences consisted of "protection" and "nurturing" by all my supporting and "accepting" non-Aspergers "friends". Just like the school experience of another Asperger's girl in my high school. Her experience was all love and care, candies and butterflies.

In case you didn't notice, I was being sarcastic. My experience consisted pretty much of straight out verbal and physical bullying and abuse, manipulation and cruelty by my, how are you describing them, "accepting and protective non-Asperger's friends".

In brief, I was verbally abused, slapped, had my hair pulled, had tanbark stuffed down my clothes, had things thrown at me, was trapped and forced to do things I didn't want to do, had food taken off me, was shunned by all the other children and had nobody wanting to sit next to me in the classroom or the bus, was tricked into saying I liked some guy (I didn't even like him "that way" but the girls in my camp room asked me to say who I liked and swore to me they'd never tell, and I so badly wanted to fit in that I said it) - then at school told the entire year and the guy in question, who then avoided me, and he'd been the only guy who hadn't bullied me. Some of the girls in my grade left a fake valentines day card in my locker (oh, I never was given any valentines day card or gift in my entire 14 years at school - not even from a friend, not even at the school I went to where everyone giving all their friends something was the norm). All those "good times" I had at school included hiding from bullies in the library and more remote parts of the playground, crying in the toilets, crying every day after school, being pushed up against the fence and forced to recite swear words because it upset me, having people waving their arms in front of my face and laughing cruelly while basically saying I was an empty shell. I could go on and on but I think you get the picture.

When I was diagnosed I was told I was "very mild". So in this context you'd assume my experience was the tip of the iceberg. And yes, I was a quiet non-confrontational child who tried to "go under the radar". Clearly, this wasn't enough. And I believe my experience was nothing compared with the experience of the other girl I mentioned, who was bullied by pretty much the entire high school we both attended. I went to four different schools in total, and the bullying just continued from school to school right up to my very final years of high school, which were better as I was mostly left alone.

We're not the only two. I didn't even go into the school bullying and traumatic experiences of two of my other female friends who also have Aspergers.

I hope the OP will read my post so he is no longer ignorant of the bullying experiences of girls on the spectrum.

Im really sorry, Sunshower, I had no idea you went through all that. Sadly school was like that for many aspie/autistic people : (

My middle school years I was bullied by groups of boys who would throw things at me and say cruel things to me. In my second year I had no friends whatsoever and would walk around the playground by myself (though at one point I discovered the library, which provided a refuge, but unfortunately was closed on Wednesdays so I would have to walk around by myself one day per week...)

The girls at middle school said nasty things to me and didnt include me in anything, didnt invite me to their parties etc.

High school was better because I was occasionally physically threatened, punched etc by some girls but that only happened about once a forntnight so there were stretches when nothing bad was happening. I had some friends too.

Sounds similar to my experience. Primary school was the worst - 7 years of non-stop torment every day. High school was more sporadic, I managed to make a few semi-friends - who unfortunately mostly tended to be unreliable/cruel to me/dump me quickly. Towards the very end of high school I finally started to make some "real" friends.

Yeah, in Primary I was lucky to be invited to a party once a year, and this only happened because the parents of the kid would invite all the kids in the grade. My parents went out of their way to make sure I got to these parties and had nice presents to give, but mostly the parties just ended up the same as school where the other kids bullied and picked on me.

I didn't share the above post to try and garner sympathy - I think I've been very lucky in life, many people have it much worse than I ever have. I just can't stand having my experiences and the experiences of others I know simply dismissed or written off as attention-seeking or lying due to ignorance. It's a sensitive topic.

EDIT: I think my first post came across too strongly due to the bipolar depression warping my language again.

Yeah for me, Primary school was weird, i had friends but I kept losing them as I couldnt display the childhood social skills needed to be friends with those girls.

Middle school was absolute hell, and high school was sort of sporadic bullying and changeable situations with friendships.

The bullies I had in middle school were pretty cruel and nasty but I didnt feel unsafe as such, just like I was in hell. At high school the bullies were quite scary and my father had to come up to the school twice to ask the principal to sort the situation... its funny, I enjoyed my time at high school but because of the bullies I felt really unsafe there, quite scared some of the time.

Like you Im pretty sure a number of aspies have had it worse though than me. I wish more people knew what it was like to be different and have to go through school.... I know not only aspies can find themselves in this sort of situation too, can happen to kids who are gay or transgender or are overweight.

Last edited by zen_mistress on 01 Nov 2011, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wasn't really protected either. I used to think I had it bad but after reading all the bullying posts online by users, I realize mine was mild but it seemed so bad when it happened because I was not aware of how bad it could be. I was teased and made fun of, taken advantage of, egged to do things, left out, and it was never psychical thank goodness. I was also told to go away. Things were also thrown at me on occasions and in 6th grade I got spat at on the playground, nobody wanted to sit next to me either on the bus and I was last to be picked for games and no one wanted to partner up with me in PE, in high school these girls would ask me what I think of someone and I would tell them, they go and tell that person what I said about them, someone once hid my Harry Potter book and one time I was using a hair dryer in art class to dry the paint on my pottery and someone decided to hide the hair dryer and this kid said he had it in his bag and wouldn't let me look. Kids also waved their hands in front of my face in 7th grade and my mom said they weren't doing it to be mean, they were doing it to get me to notice them. Maybe they meant no harm but I thought they were bullying me because of what I went through in elementary school. I have only been invited to three sleepovers total in my childhood and teens. In high school when I was giving away free puppies, kids left fake phone numbers on my flier. I stopped calling the numbers that were left on it. I don't really consider myself as being bullied in middle school and high school because I didn't get harassment.

Even my own best friends be mean to me and I was the last friend they go to when they had no one else to play with so they come to my house and play. I was rarely allowed over at their house to play. Plus they sometimes come over just to play with my stuff or use and then leave so mom would tell me which items were mine only to use and to put it away so my friends can't use it.

Sure I was a happy child because I was always forgiving and wanted friends so bad so I played with them still, even if they didn't stick up for me. One of them did sometimes despite that she was mean to me but I was mean to her too and my mother demanded she did not want us both in the same class ever again. We just didn't get along in school but out of school we were friends but in school, we hated each other.

The emotional bullying was far more painful to me than any physical bullying ever could be. Don't dismiss your own experiences. It sounds like you have been through a lot. Yeah, my so called "friends" in middle school (I guess you would call it? I always just lumped "middle school" and "high school" together as "high school") often left me out, or didn't invite me to things. They'd say I couldn't hang out with them at lunch time because they had this "secret thing" they had to do - basically they were just trying to get rid of me. At school camp when we played "big brother" I was the first person to be "voted out". They even made up a song about me, mocking my weird mannerisms and "twitching" (stimming).

But yeah, these days I'd definitely fall under swbluto's definition of a normal NT equivalent female, basically because I learned to create a really excellent social mask and learned social skills in uni. My struggles are different now, more to do with maintaining the mask, trying to hold onto my self-identity, dealing with insecurity and damaged self esteem, etc.

I got bullied a lot, but most of the time I wasn't really affected that strongly by it because I was oblivious to it. People used to make fun of me and I didn't realize they were doing it until years later; and the physical stuff never got very far past pushing and shoving and arm-twisting--no outright beatings. It was the abuse at home that really affected me.

I was protected mostly by my own obliviousness and social disconnect.

I agree with this. That is why I was happier at high school, I felt physically threatened there, but yet it was nowhere near as painful as the psychological bullying at middle school.

(((((((League_girl))))))))))))))) anyway we can move past it all now and leave the past behind. Thank goodness we dont have to go to school again.

You're a man, you don't have the brainpower to confirm or infirm this statement!

(kidding..really kidding )
I think this is nonsense too.

Amen to that. It's still a relief to think this, 14 years later.....

College is totally different. You can keep to yourself and not be bullied--people are living their own lives, and if they don't like you, they just ignore you. I mean, of course there's bullying here too, but not like in high school; just at the level it is anywhere.

Tell me about it. There's bullying especially in "team" oriented classes and college dorm-mate situations.

Yeah. If I ever have a child and they are bullied at school I will immediately remove them. My parents were so busy with work that I didnt feel at the time that I could bother them.

Many autistic females have the gift of mimicry. We (myself included) can copy someone's mannerisms, clothing style, inflection, and almost become their exact double - sometimes without realising it. This helps immensely with learning social skills.
Remember, we start out as kids with hardly any social skills but the more we experience it and the more able we are to mimic behaviour and feed out the bad from the good and apply it, the better we do.

Just because one person says girls with AS are normal (NT) it doesn't mean she is right. She was paying the girl a compliment.

Nothing about autism is black and white, except maybe from some lacking in ToM's opinions.

You know, I find it funny that many people seem to imply mimicry is a unique gift among many Aspergian females when it's exactly how NT females operate. I'm not going to say that NTs are the same as aspies, obviously (Everybody gets on the defensive when it's suggested so it can't be true), but this is one similarity that I've definitely noticed.