Cliche advice that sets us back

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My doctor always says to me about getting out of the house regularly: "It won't be as bad as you think" -- Yeah, right.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

No, it was worse.

I recognise so many of these... the ones about ignoring bullies and "be nice to people and they'll be nice to you" are extremely hypocritical and dangerous.

And you really don't want me to be spontaneous or "myself" around strangers lol Also, "forgive and forget", "revenge wont' make you feel better" and any self-righteous "turn the other cheek" type of advice that always seems to be generously dished by those who obviously never follow it themselves. I only seem to get such lectures about tolerance and being the better man from very spiteful, unforgiving people.

A bit over the top but I hear you, that's why I never ask for advice. Don't be afraid to get rude when some busybody offers such "pearls of wisdom" uninvited and never, ever believe a word coming from someone who says "trust me".

Somewhat off topic but I feel it's related - I hate "code speak" when you're being told something and expected to understand the exact opposite: "just tell me what you really think/feel", usually meaning they want you to do the white lie thing. "I love X to death BUT..." something very nasty will always follow, often reflecting how one really feels but it's supposed to make the fact that you hate your kids or partner socially acceptable Sorry for derailing Moondust, I'm turning into a grumpy old fart.

That cock sucker the Dalai Lama no doubt huh? Who the hell does he think he is with his 'Way of the peaceful warrior BS'! Sheesh

LOL mate, I was talking about people I meet IRL

''Just don't worry about what other people think''
I'm sorry but I have social phobia, and what other people think of me can affect me very much, I can't help it. Anyway, it isn't an unusual thing to worry what other people think.

"If it doesn't make sense to you, then ASK!! !!"

Lost track of how many times I got this one.

A prime example of hypocritical advice, because in most instances that I get this rebuke, it's when somebody has given some nonverbal nuancey read-between-the-lines statement/instruction/reply. And as we all know, if you're in a group setting and you have to get the other person to clarify in more explicit terms what they conveyed non-verbally, then it will make you stand out as a sore thumb- thus compelling me to give my best interpretation to what they intended, taking a risk that sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. But I sure as heck ain't gonna ask all the time based on second-guessing and anxiety.

To that point, a lot of the time it DOES make sense to me - I just applied the wrong interpretation - so their rebuke is completely unfair and unfounded.

"You're blowing it all out of proportion" -My mother has said that to me a lot and it drives me nuts. She IS trying harder to understand that my fears and worries can escalate and send me over the edge sometimes, but I still feel like I can't be upset or show any negative feelings around her. Not that I never do, of course. Mom once told me not to worry about something and I told her that was like telling a frog not to croak.

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" -Worst. Cliche. Ever. In fact it's even worse when people are bullying you verbally every day of your life because the pain is all on the inside and people can't see it. And when you start having emotional problems they blame you and not your bullies. When people say kind or good things to us it makes us feel good and we feel better about ourselves. So why wouldn't nasty words do the exact opposite?

"The best things in life are worth waiting for" -If we sat around and waited for something good to happen nothing would happen at all.

When a substance addict says "I can quit whenever I want". -So why not quit now, instead of until you've ruined your life completely or are dead?

"They're only words" -what people who swear a lot say. But like the sticks and stones cliche they find it impossible to understand that their swearing is ugly and does not make them look tough or cool or "grown up" or whatever they may think, if at all.

Joe, why do people give hypocritical advice?

I find a lot of people are hypocrits. Also I find you can't win with a lot of people. They say ''don't worry about what people think'', then when you try not to care what people think, they go, ''you don't seem to care what people think of you, do you?!'' in a critical voice.

Huh? Now that's interesting....
English is not my first language, so I have to ask..I thought that phrase meant that mind(brain) commands the matter(body).
Is it used in some other meaning?



I hate this. This is my main issue with normals. If only..they didn't care what others think of them. I mean, if only they really didn't care.
But they do, and that makes life miserable..for them. And in a way, for us, too.

I don't understand what it means that people give hypocritical advice because they're hypocritical. Can someone explain?

That would be a nice meaning, but no. It usually means, "If you just THINK you can overcome something, you can do it." Your mind, over the matter (or problem) you have. Sometimes people use this for physical things too, like when walking on hot coals... (Even though there are actual scientific reasons why one might be able to do that, people might like the idea that their mental power made them able to do it.)

"Everyone gets stressed out"
"It's stressful for everyone"
"Everyone has anxiety."

People also seem to think if you don't care what others think, it's a bad thing. I can understand how it can be bad but rest of the time, I don't understand why I should give a darn what someone thinks. I think if someone else would care and I don't care, they think there is something wrong with me. Talk about lack of TOM.

I think an example would be you give someone advice that you don't even follow yourself.

Like someone with a eating disorder or former may tell someone to not starve themselves and to not eat less than 1200 calories a day or it be harder to lose weight and their body will burn less calories and it will slow down their metabolism. But yet they eat less than that and they are staving themselves even though they know it's bad. But how I see it is they don't want them heading towards the path they took, they don't want them to head towards where they headed to. I don't think that hypocrisy is a bad thing.

Or I may tell someone to do this but yet I have difficulty with it myself so how can I expect another ASD person to do it?


The hypocritical advice drives me crazy but I try and look at it another way, they want me to be better than them, they want me to be a better person. Not a bad thing.