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Being attractive really is hell...

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magz
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30 Jul 2019, 2:36 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
^
Where I live, I can't imagine anybody telling a colleague "haha you look like a lesbian" and not getting into massive trouble. It must really suck to have such a sh***y work environment 8O

This reminds me a scene I witnessed:
A collegue (female) who had nice long hair, shaved it one day.
Another female collegue approached.
'Hehe, you look like you've just had chemotherapy', she said.
'I have' was the reply that shut the mouth of the commenter.


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cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 3:20 am

Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
smudge wrote:
They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?


It's also having the pressure of having to be a breadwinner, social expectations piled on males are enormous, being rejected by women is just rubbing their faces in the dirt


That one depends on the culture, though. Here the idea of a man being the bread winner is loosing popularity rapidly and it's really looked down upon if someone is looking for a provider.


I'll put it another way, men will date a woman regardless of how much money she earns. A woman will never date a man who earns less than her. Therefore a man who is financially struggling (plenty of these disclosed here on WP) has an added hurdle they have to cross.

Not having a job makes it highly difficult for a man to keep a partner (however attractive they are) whereas an attractive girl who is unemployed can still get a date at the click of her fingers.



Fireblossom
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30 Jul 2019, 3:48 am

cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
smudge wrote:
They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?


It's also having the pressure of having to be a breadwinner, social expectations piled on males are enormous, being rejected by women is just rubbing their faces in the dirt


That one depends on the culture, though. Here the idea of a man being the bread winner is loosing popularity rapidly and it's really looked down upon if someone is looking for a provider.


I'll put it another way, men will date a woman regardless of how much money she earns. A woman will never date a man who earns less than her. Therefore a man who is financially struggling (plenty of these disclosed here on WP) has an added hurdle they have to cross.

Not having a job makes it highly difficult for a man to keep a partner (however attractive they are) whereas an attractive girl who is unemployed can still get a date at the click of her fingers.


I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

What is that based on? Attractive, decent men around here don't seem to have any more trouble attracting a partner than attractive, decent women, regardless of their job status. But again, maybe it's a cultural thing. In more patriarcal cultures women have less chances of taking care of themselves, so finding a man who can do it is often necessary for survival.



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30 Jul 2019, 3:49 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
magz wrote:
Fern wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.


This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"

Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.

This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.

I get this kind of comments from women only. A cultural thing?

With the possible exception of the haircut comment, I've never heard a man say to a woman anything even remotely like those things in my life.


I've heard all of those from men.



magz
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30 Jul 2019, 3:59 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
magz wrote:
Fern wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"

Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.

This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.
I get this kind of comments from women only. A cultural thing?
With the possible exception of the haircut comment, I've never heard a man say to a woman anything even remotely like those things in my life.
I've heard all of those from men.
Then it might be a cultural thing. Strange. I believed Northern cultures are more... respecting boundaries.


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cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 4:00 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.



cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 4:00 am

magz wrote:
[ I believed Northern cultures are more... respecting boundaries.

What's "northern"?



magz
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30 Jul 2019, 4:13 am

cyberdad wrote:
magz wrote:
[ I believed Northern cultures are more... respecting boundaries.

What's "northern"?

Isn't Fireblossom from Finland?


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cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 4:42 am

Ok so scandinavians respect spacial boundaries?

I think that's a western European thing...



Trueno
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30 Jul 2019, 4:59 am

French, Spanish, Italians, Portuguese are western Europeans and they're always hugging and kissing each other.


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30 Jul 2019, 5:29 am

magz wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
magz wrote:
Fern wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"

Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.

This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.
I get this kind of comments from women only. A cultural thing?
With the possible exception of the haircut comment, I've never heard a man say to a woman anything even remotely like those things in my life.
I've heard all of those from men.
Then it might be a cultural thing. Strange. I believed Northern cultures are more... respecting boundaries.


I don't hear it often and it's not socially acceptable, but often enough that it should be considered a problem.



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30 Jul 2019, 5:34 am

cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.


Yes to the five points, it is less likely, but it's the same the other way around aside from number 2. A man is also less likely to date a woman who doesn't earn enough, is bald, lives with mom or is unattractive. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing.



cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 5:40 am

Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.


Yes to the five points, it is less likely, but it's the same the other way around aside from number 2. A man is also less likely to date a woman who doesn't earn enough, is bald, lives with mom or is unattractive. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing.


A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....



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30 Jul 2019, 6:34 am

cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.


Yes to the five points, it is less likely, but it's the same the other way around aside from number 2. A man is also less likely to date a woman who doesn't earn enough, is bald, lives with mom or is unattractive. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing.


A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....


Not all men are like that. Plus, that's really shallow. Being like that isn't a good thing.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Hollowmoon.



magz
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30 Jul 2019, 11:09 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I don't hear it often and it's not socially acceptable, but often enough that it should be considered a problem.

That means people do things that are socially unacceptable - in that case I would give the person some feedback about how inappropriate the comment was.


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30 Jul 2019, 11:38 am

Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I know a lot of women who're together with men who earn less. One earned three times as much as her man (both worked full time, but she was a doctor) before she had a burn out.

Exception rather than the rule.
On average a woman will less likely date a man if;
1. He earns less
2. is shorter
3. Is bald
4. lives with mum
5. Is not attractive

Attractive unemployed men might address points 2-5 and get lucky on Tinder but the girl is going to kick his ass out of her apartment if he doesn't meet point 1.


Yes to the five points, it is less likely, but it's the same the other way around aside from number 2. A man is also less likely to date a woman who doesn't earn enough, is bald, lives with mom or is unattractive. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing.


A man is less likely to date a woman if she is
1. fat
2, not attractive

that's about it....


Not all men are like that. Plus, that's really shallow. Being like that isn't a good thing.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Hollowmoon.



Lot of people are shallow when it comes to relationships.


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