The empathy lie

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I try to laugh at my own lack of dignity.

It is just survival. It isn't really funny.

At the same time survival instincts are what we all have in common... a bodily function, like using the loo. Part of me honestly does find them somehow funny, at least in relation to myself.

It wouldn't be funny if it were anyone else. So I should not have laughed.

There is also the simple human pleasure of being bigger and stronger than somebody else.

Being at the bottom of the pecking order causes stress; being at the top (or above somebody else) makes us feel good. More biological stuff.

So I would say that sadism requires empathy; bullying does not.

Well bad people are obviously using their so-called empathy for evil. Most of us use our empathy for good.

That's true

I was going to say it is like a super-power that can be used for evil or for good.

But do you think you actually could use it for evil, Tamaya?

I don't think you could I don't think yours would stretch that way. But it is just an impression.

If I have something to stand up on, it's more like a self sustaining loop. In which is very cognitively expensive; like sure, I don't become lonely or something like that. Instead, it's like a weird twang of two very contradictory but somewhat true statements that sustains and counters one another, and somehow "adapt" to anything that just does not support.

I had truly never known for most people, it's externalized. Something they had acquired in socialization.
And I seem to miss the memo for some reason.

If dissonance happens, I don't go to someone and crave validation.
I just had to be steady and let it solve itself. Tho, being understood and being seen is a nice bonus, a really nice feeling -- but I don't seem to chase it like how people does it.

I didn't get to understand it; of externalizing a reference. Only that it translates into "other people tend to have more needs than me"... Or that I seem to be too internally inclined and trying harder becoming more externally inclined or even pay attention more.
No idea how much of a trade off it was in a neurobiological sense. It may even explain why I cannot afford having to cope with mental health issues -- yet simultaneously, goes away on it's own.

Or the sensation that my ego is running on double time.
It really is my brain actually running on double time, and not relying on socialization.

But would that actually imply that I'd be more consistent or at least adapt differently across several different varying environments; while everyone else likely synch and change to adapt to said different environment?
And as to how this relates to empathy, somehow, I'm seeing the connection in that particular regard.

It could be why everyone claims that you become the people you surround yourself with.
... And how much that implies that it may not apply well to me, too. Or, not as smoothly or easy and will require way more work than usual.

And so, so, so many other things.
Like the insistence that all humans are this way, and that exceptions are somewhat uncommon. There were no references on what that looked like, only that the insistence that everyone is reliant on it. I'm an exception it seems.

Taking Notes:

- No one feels what you feel, so share emotions sparingly.
- Comparing could be insulting; avoid them whenever possible.
- Empathy is abstraction junk, like free will. How we treat each other is all that matters.


Next time someone unloads their feelings on me, I'll say, “Play the world's smallest violin.” (Joking. I like listening to people, unless they (a) can’t reciprocate, or worse, (b) gaslight me.)

When asked: "What is intelligence?" someone said: "Intelligent people see it in other intelligent people." I think the same goes for empathy. It is impossible to explain to someone lacking it, but easy to spot in others if you have it yourself. Just my two cents.

For me there's a disjoint between feeling empathetic and outwardly expressing it. Alexithymia related,perhaps?

Maybe sometimes it is just difficult to express( even identify) those feelings of empathy , how do you describe feeling
like you have a hunch about something ?
[ It has been along time coming and listening to those feelings ( even unconditionally) ..] and behaving accordingly

I've found I'm better at empathising with people's feelings and emotions than I am at physical ailments, although if someone says they have a psychical ailment that I can relate to then I kinda wince, like I can really feel their pain. But I think I'm talking about sympathy more, as I'm not really a natural "nurse". My husband has been having problems with his legs and nobody seems to know what it is, not even the doctors, but it is hurting him and I can lack patience a bit with remembering that he has this pain from this mysterious leg ailment. But I think that's quite normal in humans, as sometimes people can be concerned but express frustration, which is what I do.
But when his brother died, I had all the patience in the world to offer my condolences and talk with him about his brother, even though I only met him a few times, I was still there for support and it feels easier than offering sympathy for a broken leg or something. I don't know why.

Whose list? There seem to be as many opinions on the characteristics of psychopaths as there are reports. Peoples’ notions of the meaning of any label is largely dependent on context.

(examples, “immolation” was not connected with burning until widespread reports used the term when a Czech student set himself on fire. “Decimation” used to mean “reduce by one tenth”, but how many mean that when they use it now?)

Another aspect that is more reliably cited, is “lack of care for others”. I’ve never seen this appear in any professional diagnostic for Autistics, though many lay people assume this, because they are not so touchy-feely demonstrative of their care; they just do what they can to help, then move on. Psychopaths, on the other hand, often put on a convincing act of this, as part of their technique for manipulating others with intent to do harm, something Autistics have no interest in doing.

Diagnoses for Autistics, in my experience. on the other hand, always list Low Empathy as a characteristic, If you have lots of Empathy, then it’s highly unlikely that you are Autistic! I have low empathy, but it doesn’t stop me caring about the welfare of others; it’s separate issue.

^ It depends on what your definition of empathy is. I don't have low empathy. In fact some autistics can have overwhelming empathy and be very sensitive people. I think the more creative types are more likely to have higher empathy.

You say you have "low empathy" like it's a defining trait, but you probably have more empathy than you think. Or if you do have low empathy like you say you do then it's probably a you thing, and doesn't speak for all autistic people.

I once read a beautiful story about an autistic child with such remarkable empathy that he couldn't show or articulate but really went above and beyond to help his dying brother. Yes, it's fictional, but even so, it still feels plausible, that an autistic person can and do have empathy.

The story is about two brothers, the eldest is ill (not specified which illness but he requires crutches to get around and gets weaker as the story goes on). The younger brother is non-verbal autistic, but in perfect health. He develops an obsession with toilet rolls, stashing as many as he can in the attic, and having a huge meltdown if his parents dare go up there. But what he's really doing is trying to give what his ill brother always wanted: to see snow. Neither boys had never seen snow except on the TV, and the eldest boy is often wishing so much that he could see snow for real. So, when the poor boy is on his deathbed in the upstairs bedroom, the autistic boy shreds the stashed toilet paper to pieces and sprinkles it from out the attic window and into the garden below. Knowing his brother is laying in bed beside the window overlooking the back garden, he just knows that he will see this snow and it will make him happy. And it does make him happy. Despite almost dying, he smiles, so happy that he had seen snow.
So it looks like the autistic boy was just indulged in an unhealthy obsession with toilet paper and not caring about anybody else, when in fact he was devoting his whole time to prepare for something that would make his dying brother really happy. It was the least he could do, but it was big, and very clever really.

Reading this story always makes me tear up.

As stated, it IS a defining trait, a part of the standard diagnoses, so if you have high empathy, its very unlikely that you are Autistic.

As for linking it with creativity, my score for this in the C&M test was off the top of the sheet. I not only cannot tell how others feel, I’ve zero interest in doing so.

Again, you are confusing Empathy with the desire to help others. I like helping other people; it’s the main reason I visit this site!

No tears here.