26 and dependent on mommy

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I am 32, and my parents take me out once a week for lunch to get groceries.

That would increase mine.

It is true though that you sometimes need to practice doing something that feels terrible until one day, it feels slightly less terrible.

Actually I'm one of the few diagnosed Aspies on here. Its not compassionless to expect everyone to pull their weight in the world. Enablers are the ones without compassion.

You're parents will not live forever. Unless you come from a wealthy family once the parents die you will be faced with learning to survive on your own.






If you had bothered to read everything I said you would know that ONCE I too was afraid to call people on the phone. I would shake and tremble after the call and stutter throughout the call. I got turned down over a dozen times at job interviews, got a couple of really lousy God awful jobs but I stayed at it even though it was bad working conditions & sometimes even dangerous. I even got hired and laid-off in the same day at a govt job before I ever stepped into the office. I used to be put in terrible anxiety at just being asked "paper or plastic" at the grocery store. But I kept trying and it got a little better each time. IF you TRY, life will get better and you will get better at doing things. If you cower and whine and never try, nothing will get better.


I don't buy this AS excuse. Why? Because I work with 60% 17-23 year old NT's and even though many of them make as much or more than I do they still live at home and mommy still does their laundry. The NT's say they are afraid or unable to live alone too. It's not an AS thing. It's all about laziness and being cottled too much as a child.

Look at Gates. He's more Aspie than just about anyone -- and look how he's livin'. Come on people Aspieness is about being smart and creative. Look at Einstein! Wilhem Reich! Aspies are the ones sent to create new things and save the world.

Ticker,

I have had quite enough of your self-righteous, judgemental attitude. Thinking you know everything and being right about that are two different things.

I am right in the political vanguard of encouraging young Aspies to believe in themselves as equal to anyone else and to discover their strengths and develop everything they are capable of towards full independence and autonomy, but what you are doing here is something quite different.

You are trying to goad and bully young Aspies into things they are NOT capable of, things that are harder for them than for others, areas in which they are less capable of functioning than anyone else, and taunting them when they cannot.

You keep going on about "bagging goods in markets" - full of noise, lights and all the things most Aspies find intolerable because of sensory issues, never mind the huge quantities of people that are intolerable because of social issues. You aren't stupid, you know that as well as I do.

Or you go on about construction sites, again intolerable due to sensory issues with noise, lights and open spaces, but MORE than that. Like a lot of manual labor, working on a construction site is totally dependent on being a functioning part of and sustaining a social group dynamic that is beyond impossible to an Aspie. In some areas failure to sustain that dynamic can lead to real, physical danger...particularly for someone like Richard (I hope you don't mind me remarking this Richard?) who has something of a confrontational manner...

What you are doing is a recognised technique for emotional abuse and manipulation, any professional conman will tell you it's a great way to stop somebody doing something and make them believe giving up is their own idea. I suspect that you are doing it so that you can go on telling yourself how superior you are.

It is also a PERFECT example of everything that is wrong with the way young Aspies are conditioned and trained by society.

Trying to force people to do the things they find hardest is the best way to ensure they either fail or give up.

What our young people NEED is proper assessment of their skills and limitations to establish what is easier for them than for most people, as well as what is harder.

We can do things the NT can't...most of us are quite happy being isolated for long periods that it would be psychologically abusive to expect of the NT. We have a closer attention to detail. Many of us can sit at computer terminals comfortably for far longer. Most of us have a higher than average IQ, which usually makes intellectual work easier, while physical labor feels like torture to us.

Almost all of us have a special interest or ability that has a real, vocational application...

But we need encouraging to explore and have faith in those differences within ourselves so that we can utilise them for independence, not shattering by being taunted with the simple things that even educationally subnormal people can do and we can't.

Put an Aspie into a supermarket or onto a building site to "perform simple mindless tasks" and all you do is prove to him that he will never be able to work or live independently. Because in those situations he cannot cope even where the educationally subnormal could.

Find out what he CAN do instead, show him where he can do it for money...and TRY STOPPING HIM.

M

MAN are YOU ever WRONG!! !! !! !! It is more like people with AS are developmentally delayed SOCIALLY to be as "mature" as say a 10 year old, in some respects anyway. Other things are NOT significantly delayed, and the level you indicate IS significant by ANY measure!

Yeah instead I'm working my ass off despite having a life-threatening illness and paying taxes to foot your SSI checks.

But my father and I are Aspie examples of being able to work despite our noise sensitivity. He worked in carcophonous situations and I already posted elsewhere that I was able to forget my aversion in the midst of work. Both of us had unsympathetic mothers who did not coddle us. Ticker IS right in my opinion especially about pre autism awareness era when people just sucked it up and got what work was available to them and I think that is much healthier. Dear Prudence on slate.com has a letter about someone's 17 year old daughter who won't do household chores which was not the case for me or my dad but is the case for my fragile x brother who can't wait to move out. I remember when household chores were a part of growing up in the NT world. I'm against harshness but if you can be potty trained, you can load and unload the dishwasher. My brother refuses to do it and so does my NT mother.

Richard it takes a strong, solid, vigorous person to walk these mountains. Uh didn't they rescue two hikers off the mtn a week or two ago? Wasn't one of those people even air-lifted to the hospital for exhaustion? A lot of people can't do it. Its a tough climb. You've posted many a picture online and you are a sturdy, strong young man. There are many things you could do that other people cannot do.

I think that what Ticker is highlighting is that the wrong kind of support encourages selfdefeating passive aggressiveness. Some of the behaviors can be tapped out of you if the right person does the tapping.

Sorry I irked you. My intent is not to hurt people; it is to try to make them understand AS is not a reason to curl up and die. I THANK YOU for supporting at least part of my post.

You are right. In the past AS was sink or swim and most people found a way to swim even though they floundered many a time. I floundered many a time. I had the door closed in my face so many times trying to get my first job that it was disheartening. But I kept trying. All you have to do is kept trying and try till it hurts and things will improve.

Look I'm not that high functioning, probably middle spectrum... I have 16 different illnesses. One of the illnesses is an autoimmune disease that usually kills within 10 years. I have had 4 head injuries and struck by lightning twice. As if that wasn't enough someone's service dogs attacked me and I am in my 5th month of physical therapy because of that. I am in constant freakin pain. Some say I have had bad luck and I can't disagree with that because I still wonder what I did to deserve all the illness and injury. But thing is I keep going. You gotta keep going.

Someone mentioned cancer patients are more afraid of dying. But from the cancer patients I know they are not afraid of anything. I have a friend that battled breast and thyroid cancer at the same time and she is very cheerful and active. Another co-worker is recovering from cancer and she is the kindest most upbeat person I can think of and she is very gentle with me and my difficulties as an Aspie. An older woman in my physical therapy class is undergoing chemo, ever so many weeks, yet she comes to the pool cheerful & never complains. She probably feels like crap if the truth be known. But what does she do, she races with me across the pool though she feels bad and I swear she must do it just to make me laugh. Cancer has to be a lot worse than AS and you don't see those people whining.

and where did i ever whine about things? ticker likes making stuff up. i simply said what i thought you had to make in this town where i live to live comfortably. there was no whining envolved, if anything i see her whining about her illnesses in this thread and how she works despite having them. i never whined about my aspergers