Cliche advice that sets us back

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To me, what really constitutes hypocritical advice is when the person giving it has no qualms in badmouthing you behind your back i.e. gossiping and put-downs to others in your circle or otherwise, and such badmouthing reflects the opposite of the advice the person gave you. Ex: I had a former friend who would tell me that I care too much about what other people think and not to worry, I'm a great guy. OK, well, taken as-is, one might construe that comment to mean that since I can't tell when my behaviour is proper in a given context but I DO in fact give the proper behaviour and response in spite of my challenges, then my worrying is for naught. BUT with this former friend, I discovered that he was going round to people in our mutual circle telling them how bizarre I was, that I did this or that in situation x, etc, etc...so clearly that a***ole definitely WAS a hypocrite.

I remember when I was about 14 I was once again arguing about some..political?..issue with my father.
Then he said something like

"You have an answer to everything!<angry face>"

that pissed me off and slightly set me back

Slow down! Relax and take your time!

''They probably weren't looking at you, they were probably just looking past you.''
No, it was obvious that they were staring directly AT my eyes, there was nothing past me to look at except a brick wall.

''You were probably staring at them first if you are so sure they were staring at you.''
No - I didn't even know they were there until I felt I was being stared at, to which I glanced up to see and they were staring right at me, then I remembered someone saying ''it is best to look at people back, rather than pretending you haven't noticed them looking at you'', so that's what I did, which made it a lot worse. If they didn't want s**t from me to begin with then why stare in the first place, if they should know better that people don't like being stared at by strangers.

''It's good to be friendly and speak to people as they pass''
It may sound good that you're being friendly but gawking at every person that passes and being that determined for their attention can seem a little creepy. Some of these social rules can be very ironic, and it sometimes does you good to just keep yourself to yourself (I've learnt that).

--- There's no such thing as a wrong question---

---All you have to do is apply yourself more---

--Honesty is the best policy---

You know, after reading all the posts here - and I can relate to just about every one of them- I find that there is enough to form a meaningful conclusion, as to why people give hypocritical or cliche advice as such. At first, I thought maybe it's just because people are being polite, or they don't really know about Aspergers - but that's not the main reason, that's just part of it.

I sincerely believe the bigger reason is BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
If you think about it, if one encounters a drug addict or an alcoholic, the first instinct is to tell them "well, some people just need to try harder than others" or "have you tried doing some of the other things you really like, to take your mind off the drugs/booze." Of course, these are just platitudes, and the subject has no doubt heard them ad nauseam. That's not to say that having Aspergers is as bad as being an addict, it's just meant to illustrate a psychological theory. The fact is that most people would not want to probe deeper or offer more insightful help, as they may feel more obligated or more drawn in.

This may sound cynical, but this is even true for psychiatrists/psychologists. Many of them are just "cliche-slingers" because they don't want to open "the box" of having to put in more diagnostic effort, even if they know about Aspergers. From my own experience, over 10 years ago (before my ASD dx), I had a youth psychiatrist who only fed me platitudes. After my actual diagnosis elsewhere, I discovered (from making a complaint) that this guy knew about Aspergers all along (! !) This didn't make sense to me, as to why he would give empty advice like the laypeople described on this thread - but then I realized, it makes perfect sense. Why should he put in more diagnostic effort, he would have to get more involved with me, and expend more effort, and after all there is nobody supervising his quality of work or effectiveness. That's theory of mind for you!! !

That's not to say that all psychiatric professionals are like that. Some will take genuine pride in their work, but there are some shady ones too. You have to watch out, and if you hear cliches from a "professional", I would advise you to call them on it i.e. "but that's the same advice that laypeople have given me in the past, that doesn't give me any insight".

All of which is to say, the greatest hypocrisy in this sea of hypocritical advice is the fact that WE are the ones portrayed as uncaring and selfish, and yet when we take steps to solicit help from people to appear less that way, they respond with selfishness.

I agree that it does seem like giving cliche advice is a means to take the easy way out, be non-committal, make no efforts, avoid possible conflicts that might require effort to solve.

But what a boring society we live in, where everything is so unreal (for the sake of not making efforts) that you learn nothing from relating to people except how to lie in a hundred different variations: white lies, cliche advice, manipulation, etc.

I had someone tell me once to pretend I didn't have AS. It would "fix itself" and I shouldn't think something was "wrong with me." Of course, I don't think there's anything wrong with me having AS! She further elaborated by saying that if she had cancer, she wouldn't get treatment, she would pretend she didn't have anything and that would "solve the problem."

This same woman also gave me the strange advice of thinking of eyes as "stars" and said that would make it easier to make eye contact. I like creative advice, but it didn't help at all...

This advice was after trying to convince me that I didn't have AS (because she didn't know anything about it, only the common misconceptions) and that there was nothing wrong with me. It was a professor who had known me for 5 years. *sigh*

Apple, stop that hilarious sarcasm or someone might have to re-define AS and say we do have a sense of humor and can be sarcastic!

''If you get fed up with other people's ways, then move out''
What with? Shirt buttons?
''Then save up''
Maybe I don't want to move out. I may get frustrated at other people's noise, but I far rather that than living on my own, thank you very much. I can't help it if loneliness makes me feel more anxious than actually being with relatives in my home.