Aspergers and victim complex

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I just love how mild and highly social aspie
tell the more severe aspie to shut up and get over it.
Seriously not all aspie have it good.
some actual have a tough life,get bullied,get rejected,
struggle to do simple task,give them a break,please.
you successful mild aspie.

You said what I was kind of trying to say in way less words. LOL! You have a great point. It's like an NT telling a HF person to "just socialize" or else stop complaining.

OliveOilMom, yes what you wrote was wonderful. And this is serious stuff, aside form being funny, which shows how good parody can be used to get a point across. It is a form of mental picture making that can be more involving and also point out various subtleties, though of course if a person gets identified and goes into a reactive mode, he may not grasp the nuance. There is this saying:

https://www.google.com/#q=indian+saying ... understand

it is interesting how many different versions there are of this...and here is a link to a book that was very popular in the sixties and has been very helpful in understanding certain social phenonema:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Games_Peop ... %28book%29

The first game he identified when he began to develop his theory he called "Yes-but," I think this touches on a certain aspect of what is going on here, and will write about this soon, but for now:.

http://www.thenew-renaissanceman.com/mind-games-2.html

and anyone interested can google "yes but game."

Personally I don't think playing this Yes-but game is really overtly harmful to anyone who gets hooks into it, except it is a waste of time and energy and does deflect conversation from serious topics, but people can just avoid that kind of thread or learn how to reply in this kind of situation in the way Berne has suggested, so as not to get hooked (and I think it would benefit this system if do learn that)....

But what you have given an illustration of below is imo a much more serious thing and an entirely different kind of situation as community can form around this kind of interaction involving all kinds of enabling and censorship of speech. This is not to suggest that trying to help someone find actual solutions is enabling or that being cruel to vulnerable people as in actual bullying should be tolerated on this forum.

It's actually possible for someone to, in effect, not be able to shower because of AS, depression, fatigue, etc. If that person still wants some human contact despite having hygiene issues... of course he would, everyone wants that. It's the type of thing where a person just wants someone to tell him how much it must suck, just wants to be comforted. Practical advice might actually be the last thing that he would actually be able to incorporate into his life, it might be that he needs to take care of his psychological self first before he can take care of his physical self.

It's also possible for people to not be able to offer emotional comfort because of autism.

In fact, I'd suggest that looking for comfort, support, and empathy in a forum full of people with an impairment in their ability to express comfort, support, and empathy will not end as well as hoped.

you raise a very valid point--but i like to think of this forum as an opportunity to practice such things (for they are skills after all, and the development of skills does require practice) in a setting that many of us find more comfortable than in-person, one-on-one socialising.

Ideally, yes.

However, you do have to expect a few hiccups along the way. Wrong Planet essentially puts a bunch of socially-impaired people together in a social situation, which is a bit like giving a chimpanzee a loaded revolver.

I attempt to be understanding towards both sides of the issue and try to avoid starting any major fires.

It's also possible for people to not be able to offer emotional comfort because of autism.

In fact, I'd suggest that looking for comfort, support, and empathy in a forum full of people with an impairment in their ability to express comfort, support, and empathy will not end as well as hoped.

Week 196:

OP: I can't get a date because of AS. I hate AS.
Poster 1836: You are a victim of ablism. Studies show that people with AS are less likely to have dates. <link> <link> <link>
Poster 1837: Yes, I'd see a lawyer. Those people are not worth your time!
Poster 1836 again: Throughout history we have been discriminated against and even killed. This is their way of killing you. By not allowing you the right to a date.
Poster 1838: You're the guy who won't shower right? Thats why you don't have a date. For the love of God, shower or shut up whining about it.
OP: I can't shower. I hate it and I cry in there. I have AS. We can't shower. If you weren't such a bully and a pharisee you would know that. MODS!

Nah, although I would love to see studies done on how much straight men are trained to believe they're entitled to dating and relationships, to the point that when their dating lives are unsuccessful how much blame they lay on external factors (external locus of control). Also how much an unsuccessful dating life correlates to hatred of women.

littlebee, I do have a qualm with that link on supposed "mind games".

It states: "At face value, this interaction is pretty straightforward. It consists of a man or woman asking for suggestions, but then rejecting each one of them as they are offered."
However, in the example, the person did NOT ask for advice. Neither did the hypothetical people in OliveOil's examples. I think people get confused about rants vs advice. There may or may not be a point where a person just doesn't want to hear about the same issue all of the time when the person can't solve it. Noticed I say can't, because I find a lot of problems are complex and don't involve just sheer will power. Obviously, if that was the case, a lot of people would just simply solve their issues.

What people are doing is ranting and they want to be listened to. Sometimes, giving advice is extremely unsympathetic, especially if a person doesn't ask for it. The person then perceives it as bullying, because they wanted to be listened to, not told something along the lines of "Well, if you don't do what I say, stop complaining."

The only reason I mention your link is because people used to try that stuff with me. The more I read over this whole post, the more I realized people really enjoy victim blaming or something. I think it's important for us all to keep in perspective we tend to be biased towards what WE experience and how we feel, and don't seem to think how anyone could possibly be different.

Me: Yeah, but I can't solve my issue because...
Other people: Well, you keep saying "yeah, but". If only you put your mind to it (and did what I said).

Mhm. This is a way for people to shift the burden of listening off of themselves and blame a person for their own troubles. It's easier that way. Now, I'm not saying if a person can't change something that people should just deal with it. No, there will be consequences to each action and some can be bad. However, it's nice to feel safe and among people who understand, and that is why people rant here.

I hope this doesn't come across as too...oh, I don't know. Just offensive to you. I wasn't calling you out or anything. I've just had people be extremely impatient with me and insist I can just change my life. Even though I find OliveOil's examples somewhat funny, I can't help but see subtle irony in rejecting the troubles that AS brings as if there are quick fixes.

As I always tell people: A child crying because they can't have a cookie may seem ridiculous to you, but to them, their whole world seems to be falling apart. No matter how insignificant a problem seems, if someone is distressed, it's probably best to take that as real suffering.

why are so many ladies obsessed with cranky lonely guys.