More about my situation.

Post Reply New Topic

...Why would I think YOU'D help, anyway ???????????





who222"]If not that, then what exactly are you asking? How do you think people 2000 miles away (like I am) can help?[/quote]

You're out of line. Mods, why are you letting him insult ASS-P?

He is asking for somewhere to store personal memorabilia, not "crap".

I expect someone with a sense of what is right will offer help to ASS-P in storing his stuff. If I was in America I would.

That's absurd. Its his stuff, therefore his problem. And its simply incredible that anyone would ask that. My home is for the storage of *MY* crap and my soon to be wifes crap.

[/quote]

I wouldn't, but that wasn't the question.

This. Persistence in a positive direction pays off. Constant complaining about things you cannot change or control gets you nowhere but miserable in your own mind. Now, a persistent effort to do the things Now that bit by bit would work one towards their goal of going to University would be a different story entirely. ie Doing 100% of everything in one's power to get healthier & more fit for studying, so that bit by bit, day by day, you're closer to your goal of being a college student no matter how many years of persistent effort it took... That would be worth doing. Complaining to no end and not taking action and doing anything that moves you forward, that's simply an exercise in frustration & undoubtedly the OP is frustrated for it.

At one point in time, ASS-P was far enough North (Seattle area) that I could have hopped in my car, driven across the border, and taken him a few survival items. However, he was so negative about anything and everything that nothing I could have donated to him would have helped his situation one bit as he wasn't willing to help himself by doing anything but complain. I pointed this out on the forums and he didn't have much to say about it. Oh well, such is life. All I can do is hope that someday he learns that complaining about things gets you nowhere & that he has to be willing to help himself before anyone's assistance will do any good whatsoever. For the record, I'm an incredibly helpful person & help out a lot of people when I can, including homeless people.. but I've learned not to waste my resources, time, donations etc on anyone that's going to ignore them, toss them aside, etc and not be willing to do a thing to help themselves. The more people are willing to help themselves, the easier it is to help them, and the more willing others are to offer & give their help - not because it's easier for the helper, but because the help is accepted, appreciated, and acted upon & so the helper knows their efforts weren't for nothing.

Agree with DW 100%.

Also I'd just like to point out that DW didn't insult ASS-P. I don't see a single insult posted. ??

And if ASS-P is asking for something other than strangers to solve his storage problem for him by taking on his things, then he should follow up and clarify such. Otherwise I see it as a perfectly normal response for someone on these forums to point out how tacky and socially unacceptable it is to ask strangers on a forum to please collect/receive and store your things on your behalf due to whatever reason you're incapable of doing it yourself.

If ASS-P ends up losing his mementos and things, maybe there will be a silver lining lesson in letting things go & not being a hoarder of items that don't presently serve you and your life? Material things tend to weigh so many people down.. collecting and storing them instead of just keeping memories for yourself - which, btw, ASS-P, if you're reading this.. even if you lose those old photos and things, they're just things. Sure, personal things of sentimental value, BUT, they're just things. They don't contribute to your basic needs of health & well being, food, clothing, shelter, medicine etc. They're just things. No one can take away your memories of your family, the times those photos were taken, or the times you used those items with loved ones around you. So even if those things are gone from your life forever, the memories are not and can never be taken, so at least there's that.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
Sometimes the help we offer is not what is wanted or needed.
I am sure you are a kind and compassionate person but sometimes a person just wants to offload.

Fair. Then do so. State that you're ranting and raving and having your little meltdown on the forums or your own personal little pity party and everyone's invited.. but why constantly ask for help & then shoot down any help actually offered, and then repeatedly ask for "help" when really what you're asking for is people to deal with your problems for you instead of helping enable you to deal with them yourself?

I guess ASS-P simply hasn't learned to differentiate between the two so we get the pleasure of all these "help" threads. Meh, whatever, doesn't really affect my life.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 08 Dec 2017, 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

...Why din'tdon't YOU throw everything you own away and have absolutely nothing if you think it makes a person so wonderful?????????????????????
C'mon, Motherf***er...I'm waiting for you to do it! Aside from no real " stuff " m, you feel I should never have a picture of my brother, the same brother I spent twenty years not seeing , and now I never will .
You make this claim of " I almost helped you but I didn't '. And I'm supposed to be mightily impressed by that . Woo hoi.
I do have a way in which someone who was willing to help me this way in a matter that would involve helping me transport things and not open up space yourself - but I'm not going to go into it just NIW.
Just remember, I have NOTHING, essentially - " stuff " or memoribilia.






ldfish21"]

Agree with DW 100%.

Also I'd just like to point out that DW didn't insult ASS-P. I don't see a single insult posted. ??

And if ASS-P is asking for something other than strangers to solve his storage problem for him by taking on his things, then he should follow up and clarify such. Otherwise I see it as a perfectly normal response for someone on these forums to point out how tacky and socially unacceptable it is to ask strangers on a forum to please collect/receive and store your things on your behalf due to whatever reason you're incapable of doing it yourself.

If ASS-P ends up losing his mementos and things, maybe there will be a silver lining lesson in letting things go & not being a hoarder of items that don't presently serve you and your life? Material things tend to weigh so many people down.. collecting and storing them instead of just keeping memories for yourself - which, btw, ASS-P, if you're reading this.. even if you lose those old photos and things, they're just things. Sure, personal things of sentimental value, BUT, they're just things. They don't contribute to your basic needs of health & well being, food, clothing, shelter, medicine etc. They're just things. No one can take away your memories of your family, the times those photos were taken, or the times you used those items with loved ones around you. So even if those things are gone from your life forever, the memories are not and can never be taken, so at least there's that.[/quote]

There's nothing keeping you from keeping a picture of your brother. Or a whole stack of photos for that matter. As for a bunch of other stuff that's obviously involved, if some stranger took it off your hands, you would never see it again. Ever. It would just be sitting in their closet, completely out of your reach, for the rest of your life.

What you need / want is for someone to literally adopt you. Lets just be honest about that. And I don't blame you. But that's the kind of help you need. Someone to look after you 24/7 for the rest of your life. If someone helped you for just a while, that would not be good enough. Because you would just be back to needing help again once that brief help ended.

FYI, I have been throwing things out & donating things I haven't taken out of storage in 5+ years recently. It's been quite liberating. I'm finally recognizing the value of clear space and mind over cluttering my room and storage areas up with junk I don't use. Anything of use is being donated to thrift stores & homeless shelters etc - in fact, I dropped off a large tote full of dishes & bakeware at a homeless resource centre last night. I'll only keep the things I need and use, sporting goods I use etc and get rid of other items that no longer serve me. On that last is my entire library of textbooks from my years in business school, as someone else may as well get to learn from them.

My motivation to declutter my life, bit by bit, is a desire to eventually return to part time University studies next Spring, eventually moving towards full time studies again. I'm going to start out with free online classes that are officially recognized by my local Uni and go from there. Perhaps you could start your studies for free online, too? An easier obtained goal than entrance to a big name school as all you need are an internet capable device and the will to spend your time studying, really.

I do have one tote bin full of photos and things that I won't throw out, as one tote of sentimental mementos isn't taking up too much of my space. Key point, though, is that it's my space. I pay for it & have thus earned the right to hang onto a box of crap if I feel like it. If there came a point in my life where I had no storage option, it could go, too, as it wouldn't be a necessity of life for me. Priorities.. when you have nothing, the only thing that matters is you, survival, health etc - not material things. Just food, clothing, shelter & medicine. Other things, including storage of mementos, are earned luxuries.

I never said you should be mightily impressed but it is nice that you acknowledge at least reading my post and thus possibly comprehending my point. You've been offered help by myself and others on here and have made it impossible to help you as you shoot everything down that isn't fun or convenient for you. It's just ridiculous that you keep asking for help that you're not willing to accept in the first place. You just get frustrated and want people to do things for you so that you never have to do anything to better yourself or your health or situation and it becomes annoying over time to anyone who's seen your posts for years.

So let these last few material objects go & then you'll be relieved of the burden of stressing over what you can't do about them. Once a decision has been made to allow the items to be donated or recycled, you can stop worrying about them as one more thing you can't control, and have a fighting chance of focusing on anything that does help you & your situation. Best of luck!

Why do you have to be in America for his stuff to be shipped to you?

Unless his plan is to visit the home where his belongings are stored, it really doesn't matter how far away that home is does it?

So why don't you make some room in a closet or wherever and send him your home address?

That's really what it comes down to. Even if someone did adopt him, or offer to become his full time assistant, I really get the feeling he would fight them every step of the way.

Ezra, you do realize one of the traits of autism is rigid thinking. That's a major issue for us dude. And, he's 57. Think about it. 57 years of rigid thinking and other maladaptive behaviors. It's extremely difficult for an NT to just change overnight. He's autistic so it's doubly for him and the rest of us. No person can just change overnight. That's the problem. He can't just take on a new paradigm without major help to do so.

There are NTs who say we have no empathy. Seeing the s**t on here towards Ass-P, maybe they're right. And maybe we do need to be cured of this thing.

Why do you think I don't understand that? What you are saying is exactly why I think if someone took him under their wing, he would fight them every step of the way. That's why I require specially trained people to handle me and why I need occupational therapy.

So what is your solution?



So what would you consider a display of empathy? Saying something useless like "I feel so bad for you and I really wish I could help, but....".

Do you have anything constructive to offer along these lines, or did you just want to put me and others down?

I do believe, at times, that a person does need people to "listen" to him/her, even when no solution is forthcoming.

I have no ability to help ASS-P---except through "listening" to him, and trying to offer advice. And he probably knows that.