Variations in the Presentation of AS Women

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^ interesting. My functional relationship with food extends into eating healthily also. I am not celiac, but i have wheat and dairy intolerance and get psoriasis and i learned the hard way. If I eat well, i do not metamorphose into THE SINGING DETECTIVE. However, I am not "interested" in it as a pursuit. Just learned the hard way.

It took me a while to get more involved in this topic since it's a very noticable but very complex issue. I'm no expert especially about other females and can only estimate by what I've learned through reading and personal experiences. But I think you brought up a good point in many of the ways we cope as to our male counterparts. I do think everyone needs to know, that this condition is still not widely known and has many of the fill in the blanks. Many countries are still way behind in the studies even in the U.S. So it's still hard to get real clear cut statistics especially if you're high functioning. So even that makes it tough to detect if parents are not well educated about aspergers.



I believe it could be a mix of the all above.

For me, growing up and functioning like a "normal" child was already hard. It didn't take much to anger my dad who was a chonic alcoholic. There were times when he was very easy to get along with and other times it was like living with a monster. He too had social oddities but I don't believe he had aspergers since he was very outgoing....just a bit on the obsessive side. The arguements we had were very one-side...typical for people with this condition have trouble seeing or empathizing with that other person's opposing point of view. He was also very rigid and wanted things a certain way.

My mom was the total opposite. She was and will always be a hippy at heart. I think I take more after her in terms of passions and interests. She was very creative and encouraged that side in us....music, painting, stories, and even making costumes. She had a lot of talent especially in making costumes and clothes. Yet....and I still wonder, she showed some signs similar to mine. The stimming with the hands, the sensativity to pain, the way spoke..like in a flat monotone. Even in conversing she spoke in kind of an odd way or had a strange way of putting words together...something I struggled with. Yet unlike me, she socialized with many friends and had no problem in saying hello to people while looking at them directly in the eyes. However she also got very avoidant at times. When she wanted to left alone, she avoided the phone and didn't go out as much.

While growing up, I was encouraged and yet discouraged at the same time. My mom knew there was something different in me but couldn't pinpoint it. When I got older, my dad noticed the same thing. I had trouble in intereracting with children my age, I made terrible grades in many subjects yet very high ones in others. My mom and I would talk and I ramble on and on about a topic. She told me....I was very very smart but learned differently.

As I got older, I became more aware in how odd I sounded. I was very sensative to the bullying so I usually kept to myself and try to remain invivsible so no one would notice. I'd wait until I got home just to be myself and engage in painting and music. Many teachers brought these oddities up with my parents. They told me how special and sweet I was....they even said I was gifted. Gifted at what, I don't know and I think all I had was my ability to try and be nice lest I get put down. But I wasn't a very nice person at home. I got into a lot of fights and had horrible tempers. I appeared one way to the audience, but at home I was totally different. Most kids at school teased me by saying I was goody goody girl....others just accepted that I was shy.

I went through one doctor after another, one therapist after another, one pill after another. No one knew what exactly it was. All they could do was encourage me to stop being so negative on myself and make friends. So most of it was diagnosed as clinical depression. Then I'd have seizures and complained that I couldn't deal with the noise and the bright lights at work or in school. So they diagnosed me as epileptic even though my seizures were not the characteristics of epileptic seizures.

It got worse was I was older so I began to drink to numb these strange sensory issues. It also helped me relax in socializing. The only problem was, everytime I was seeing "friends" I had to be drunk. It got to the point where I had to go to rehab. It wasn't until a therapist of mine had mentioned aspergers and autism. She had a daughter who had been diagnosed with aspergers and told me some of the issues she had were similar to mine. So once my family heard about this, they looked into it and said that I seem to fit this profile real well!! ! So I was referred to a psychiatrist who was specialized in aspergers and autism. I was then finally diagnosed.

So I think there were many ways I coped with it. I think it was more acceptable for me to be shy and not get into dating. I remember people bugging my brother about why he wasn't dating or out with some hot chick, whereas I who never even went to prom didn't get that kind of annoyance. So I think in our western culture on subconscious level...boys are expected to be outgoing and take their frustrations out onto other people and things. When I had meltdowns, I did a lot of self harm and had tried to take my life twice. I was very withdrawn whenever agitated.

This could be why aspergers is more grossly detected with guys than it is with girls in the way we behave when depressed or frustrated. At least this is what I've read and seen between genders. Men are more outspoken and women are...well not so outspoken. I also know people who think it is only a condition found in boys...not females.

Anyway, I never really felt feminine or very masculine in terms of gender identity. In fact I was insecure with females by the way they talked, dressed, and acted.....I almost felt butch and even questioned my sexuality for a while since I couldn't really relate to females. I don't think of myself as having a male mind because I do feel feminine in many ways just not in the same way or to the extreme. I also like to get out and do a lot of physical stuff. Most friends I had were guys....mostly the "nerdy" type who shared similar interests as myself. I notice with women it's very hard because they seem to socialize differently and at very fast pace and this challenge to fit within a peking order...or like myself...too quiet and in their own world. I'm sorry if this is coming off too general. There's also this "need" and pressure to be physically affectionate and empathetic. I've never been good at either of the two. I'm good at sympathizing or knowing when someone is having a problem. But I don't hug them, stroke their hair, and say honey to them. I usually tell them "That's ashame" or "I'm sorry to hear that"...and then walk off if it's something I'm unable to help them with.

Well I don't if anyone will read this. I guess I did the same thing I normally do which is ramble in this thread.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 26 May 2009, 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^ I read every word of your post MisConstrue, and found it insightful, fascinating and very real.
thankyou for posting it. I think other women who read it can learn from your story.

^Thankyou millie.

Yours is very interesting and candid.

I also liked your post, and I also read every word! I am very interested in this topic, that´s why I started it, and I love dense and detailed posts.

I am going to be offline for the next few days, as I am going out of town. But please, everyone, keep adding on to this topic, even if I´m not answering...I´ll be back! (And then it will give me something read when I get back).