Asperger's is not real

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statschica, you need to able to see that you don't understand other people's states of mind, that coming to a place just for AS to say that it doesn't exist equates to saying that you are all bullshitting yourselves. That might not be the intent of your words. We don't know your state of mind either, all we can do is guess. The core problems of AS have to do with the "Theory of Mind" issue.

I think if you read the book: "Autism and Asperger's Syndrome" by Uta Frith and discovered the science, not the silly psychobabble stuff, but the cognitive measurements and experiments to support the theory behind autism, you would better understand why we see the world as AS vs. NT. A lot of people here have been cruelly treated by insensitive NTs and they're angry. Banding into a group makes one feel as if they belong, and that is quite "normal" behavior.

I've seen people treated much worse on other forums like Classical Music and Anthropology. Your reception was quite tame in comparison.

NOBODY here is persecuting you for views outside of your demeaning attitude which DESERVES rebuke! Frankly, I don't even care about your degrees. If you had a DOCTORATE in math and could multiply 567890*567832 in a split second, or were a highschool dropout unable to add 2 and 2 I would treat you based on what I see NOW!
AS is more than sensory problems, and memory problems aren't even MENTIONED.

As for your boyfriend being a "freaking computer guy"? I have PERSONALLY interviewed over 2000 "freaking computer guys"! YES, I COUNTED! I stopped counting after that! I asked them STUPID questions! I actually APPOLOGIZED for them being insulting. Do you know how many had what I consider a GOOD score? Less than 15!! !! Only about two hundred got hired! HECK, I only asked a few hundred questions on SQL but about 10 didn't know that AT ALL!! !! ! That is like applying to be a taxicab driver, and not knowing what gas is for! So THAT doesn't carry any weight EITHER!

What was your point about your boyfriend ANYWAY? Whether he was an IMBECILE, or the smartest person on the planet that knew EVERYTHING, the context gives that statement NO weight!

BTW I don't feel sorry for myself at all.

Steve

Personally I'm not the least bit offended by the original post. It's clear to me that Asperger's does exist, but exactly what it is is a mystery. I can understand why people were offended, but I appreciated the inflammatory nature of the statement she made. She was bringing up a lot of issues that are very mysterious.

What is AS? Is it a disability? A personality type? An *evolutionary branch*? As much as some of the ideas out there might be offensive to us, the fact is, scientifically speaking, we don't know. It's fantastic to get perspectives from everyone here.

you're freaking out over nothing. secondly, one of the girls attacked my boyfriend on a comment saying he looked like some frat guy. I was just saying that was not the case. geez.

It isn't a disability. There are comorbids that can be debilitating, and some sensory skewing can be bad, but that is it. There are too many similarities that are too early and not concious, so it isn't a personality type. As for evolutionary, it IS genetic, and CAN be certainly better than any alternative. Isn't that the definition of evolution? BTW such changes are BOUND to possibly fail sometimes.

Steve

I am still curious as to what you were doing during your brain scans, as you cite this as a reason why your female doc doesn't believe that AS is real, and then you stated you believed her.

Um, where to begin with this. I think the best parallel presented earlier in this thread, and myself, a hard-core Democrat, found it hysterical, and exactly on point with what had happened here. Would you ever walk into one of those "Six Flags Over Jesus" churches, where 99.99% of the people there are Right-To-Lifer Conservatives, proceed to the pulpit and give an impassioned plea supporting the pro-choice position? (No offense to anyone who goes to that kind of large church - it's just a metaphor where people know EXACTLY what you're talking about). In order to blend in there, you'd more or less have to be a right-to-lifer conservative, right?

That's why I don't go to a church like that, I go to more liberal-friendly Unitarian one down the street. There's certainly not a clique here, heck many of us don't even recognize each other from thread to thread. There is a unifying bond here though - all of us are here because either ourselves or loved one has an autism spectrum disorder, or both. Many shades exist along this spectrum - however, as I've been made aware, the MAJORITY of which have AS or HFA, and they are very real in their lives. If you don't share at least this common bond with us, and question our reason for banding together for answers in the first place - you should be expected to be treated like the pro-choice proponent at the pulpip at the "Six Flags Over Jesus" church. We are here for a reason, and if you don't have this in common with us, fine, so why be here? If you're looking for some answers and guidance on this topic, you've certainly come to the right place, you'll find people here, even myself, will be more than glad to tell you what we know - share our experiences. Just don't expect to be treated kindly if you can't treat us kindly in the first place.

As for how you look in the picture, I think you look happy, and your boyfriend looks like a fine feller since he's making you so happy. That's about all I can discern and deduce from the picture. But I've gotten a completely different read from your words & actions, they speak far louder.

Please don't anybody take offense at my habit of denying everything. I learnt that from my parents. And maybe I see how some people don't seem disturbed by being labelled as Asperger's and maybe I'm slightly jealous of that. Because my parents have always seen it as a nightmare that their children have been diagnosed with autism and asperger's so sometimes I feel it must be really bad. For me, Asperger's is like a nightmare that helped cause me to get fired from my last job for "miscommunication" errors and other things I cannot comprehend. I don't know why people are so petty and I wonder why a persons skills and performance can't be their measure instead of all this subjective stuff that I think should be considered what it is: subjective. Strangely, I feel like I must be the only one who is normal and others that would label me as stange just have trouble dealing with honest, straightforward people like myself. So deep down it abhors me that this (what I am) is considered an illness. I guess I need to call an autistic chat line or something.......don't take it personal

To be honest, I think that at least in most cases, AS starts as a personality type. The kid might be a little more introverted than normal, or a bit clumsier than normal, or perhaps a bit brighter than normal... you get the idea. I think it's the condescending, rejecting, and/or bullying reactions of others who eventually succeed in twisting the child into 'disorder' territory.

After years and years of inappropriate treatment, no wonder he never wants to even risk going out anymore. Is there any wonder why his self-esteem is in the toilet, or why he doesn't even bother talking to people? Is there any wonder that he's depressed? Is there any wonder he automatically reacts to unavoidable social interaction by either going off in his own head (thus protecting himself from the emotional sting of "inevitable" rejection), or by stridently criticizing everyone in the vicinity (attempting to "beat them to the punch" by being condescending and rejecting to them first)?

Is there any wonder his reaction to emotional closeness is a panic bordering on terror... what has someone attempting such closeness always meant for him, but an attempt to gather information to use against him later? No wonder he simply can't relax and have a good time, particularly around others... what tends to happen whenever he has done so in the past? Yes, pain, rejection, being treated like a ret*d, or some combination of the above.

Therefore, I ask you: In the beginning, when he was a little kid... who really had some kind of a problem?

Is it a hanging offense, for a child to be clumsy? No. It's a child, what more do you expect?

Is it a terrible character flaw, for a child to be messy? No. Most heavy metal bands could take lessons from children, on how to really trash the place. This is pretty much normal.

Is it a critical defect, to want to be alone sometimes? No. If anything, the converse is true... I've yet to meet a person who absolutely cannot stand being alone who didn't have serious psychological issues.

Is it an unpardonable sin, to be brighter than most people? No... despite what the bitter envy of the intellectually deficient compels them to believe, the answer is no.

So, who really was the problem? It sure as hell wasn't him.

Don't you all realise what a beautiful word Aspergers is? Forget about society, forget about the burden that your parents call it and be grateful that the reason you are different is because you have Aspergers. AS people (at the risk of stereotyping) are the most tuned in people that exist. You are all so special. There is a reason for the heightened senses and the social misinterpretations and the lack of functioning in some parts of your brain so as to enhance the functioning of other parts. Without you guys, certain parts of our existence would never be understood. Most of all, with 6 little boys, I would not have the insight that I have without the enlightenment of my dear little AS boy and I resent anyone making the assumption that he is weird, because he is infact my saviour. He has shown me things that no one else ever will, and I thank god that he is "exactly" who he is.

I think that you need to move away from thinking it's an illness. It's just a different way for a brain to function that's called a disorder because so many of the population have brains that work in a different way.

Do I get the miscommunication thing? Yes. I found a job that suits my talents where I don't communicate much in person. Most of it is email or conference calls where I just give a status (just the facts ma'am).

So you have an NT boyfriend. I have an NT husband who was a frat guy and an intellectual and works in software design. I would say based on our ages differences that we aren't the first two AS women who ended up with NT guys. Mine is actually social as well, but he knows I have a pretty low tolerance for it so he doesn't expect me to be often. It's no big deal. Experience the dichotomy of that and release. It's okay.

As to your parents? I'll tell you what I told my oldest brother. At a certain point, you have to acknowledge the things they told you and taught you and let it go. Even NT children have to find their own truth in life, not their parents' version of it. If it is causing you to get this frustrated, you need to let it go at least to a certain degree and find your own best path.

I agree you and everyone else here (including me, although I don't do it), shouldn't feel sorry for themselves. It is a useless emotion and ultimately does nothing to change things. If you want to do it, say I will feel sorry for myself for this long and that's it. Dwelling in it will only hand your life over to the people who made you feel insecure and miserable to begin with. They've already taken enough of your life. Don't hand them any more.

You know inside what makes you happy, so stick with those things and expand them whenever you can. Try other things slowly and if they don't work out, just let them go. If the career is a no go, look for a better fit. They are out there. If your boyfriend makes you happy, forget everyone else and enjoy it. No one else has to go out with him and be with him but you. Therefore, no one else gets a say in it. If Wrong Planet still feels like the wrong planet (and it does to all of us sometimes and in some cases many times), stay away from it. In other words, take up the two mantras I used to tell my employees when I managed - "Experience the panic and release" and "Reject all negativity." They were all NTs and guess what? They went through frustrations and miscommunications as well. They just didn't happen the same way they did to me.

You do not have illness. You are not diseased. You are just a person trying to find your way in the world. That is who you are. So look inside of you and find out what makes you happy and stick with it. Other than that, reject all negativity. None of us has time to waste on that. We only get this one life and there are no refunds.