First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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This is a guess but as far as I can tell, their issues, the emotional attachments that affect them, are on the same 'level' as their consciousness, so it's like having a rocky terrain in front of their eyes when they're thinking, big rocks they can't see beyond - I can only describe it in metaphor. It's why they go to therapy, and why we can't easily identify our issues that might need therapy. Consciousness on different 'level'. We learn the same language so that hides the gulf, but it would explain a lot, don't you think?

To fraac: I'm usually slow at understanding metaphors, but I'm quite sure that I understand what your metaphor means. I guess that their own personal issues (unknown to us) make them easily offended when we don't expected them to get offended.

To readingbetweenlines: Hmm, I think that the "gigantic misunderstanding" theory is the most plausible theory. One reason why my interactions with NTs tend to be so troubled is because some NTs pretend to be listening to me while their minds wander elsewhere, so they don't even know what I'm talking about. Thank you.

To ghostar: I'm neither a man nor a NT so I'm sorry that I can't answer your question, but I'm curious too! Why can't such men confess straightaway to the women--"Hey! Let's get into a relationship!"

It's weird, because I don't get it either, it seems so unnatural to me.

Thanks for telling me that you also don't understand this behaviour. At least I know I am not alone!

very interesting topic

A lot of NTs don't have the concept of friends. Unless you feel a cool connection to them, so they aren't typical NTs, then I would never take them literally. I've heard of this happening too with friends of mine, a very normal NT guy and a bipolar girl, where he made a move by just grabbing her arse without trying to engage her mentally; she was surprised because it deviated from the story as she understood it where they were just hanging out being friendly. So I don't think it's all NTs but maybe any who don't question the usual way of things? I'm pretty sure you can learn to tell them apart.

God I hope so! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

He can't just go up to you and say he wants to bang you. I don't think girls would like that.

If you are a girl and there's a guy who identifies as hetero he doesn't want to be "just friends".

I

Are you sure about this? It seems like there could be hetero guys that really are just interested in being friends. I knew some back in engineering school. Although now that I think about it, those guys were most likely Aspie...hmmm.

I would have to know a girl really well personally before anything else occurred to me, but I know this is atypical because a lot of NT girls are wary of me and I only get the cool/weird ones wanting to be friends. So it works out okay, but the misunderstandings are irritating, I want to yell at them "If you aren't sure, just ASK!"

Question for NTs:

I have no special interests per se, but I do go through stages of watching entire series of TV shows back-to-back. Would you say that's a particularly non-NT thing to do or do some of you do this as well?

I don't think many NTs do this but i definitely do! I am Aspie.

I'm pretty much NT, with some autistic traits (which include trying to discover the rules of good social behaviour). Here's my take on it:
If one person of the opposite sex (or same, if gay or lesbian) asks you (and you alone) for coffee or to a movie, s/he is usually asking you out. If that person just wants to be friends, s/he usually won't ask you to be friends, ask you to go somewhere, or try to strike up a conversation with you alone. You wil just hang out together in groups, and there won't be a lot of one-on-one conversation.
NTs are taught to be indirect if they are interested in sex. It is seen to be disrespectful if you express interest in sex directly too early in a relationship. In fact, usually the word sex doesn't come up in the conversation until couples have been having sex for a while.

I'm not an expert on dating or male-female friendship, though, since I've been happily married for over 20 years.

J.

That fits with my experience with my guy friends. I can't vouch for what guys do when they are interested in someone as a date, as I've been married, well, nearly 20 years. But I can say, my male friends I've gotten to know in groups. I don't think I've ever made one on one plans with them. And the rare couple of cases of sharing a ride just me and a guy friend, both were after I'd known the guy quite a while, and one was the boyfriend of a female friend; both cases, totally clear on the boundaries.

Does anyone else get frustrated reading about some of the so-called solutions to the so-called NT-AS disconnect?

I'm a little bit lacking on examples here, but what bothers me is some of these suggestions like for AS person to do or say certain things to their NT partner because those things will be interpreted positively by NT partner. For me, this misses the point. I want a genuine, authentic, intimate relationship with my partner. I find such suggestions somewhat offensive, belittling and hopeless. I mean, if you're not able to intimately connect with your partner, your not able to intimately connect with them. Following these behaviorist suggestions just highlights that fact at the same time as trying to get round it.

I tend to think that greater honesty on all sides offers a better way forward.

From another thread...

Okay, so with NTs you can have relationships and transmit information to them via touch, or you can use parables where the information sits as inert data in their head and is accessed indirectly by analogy, but if I want to do neither of those and just tell them stuff would it really be impossible?