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Abbadackerygirl
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21 Jan 2012, 12:51 am

I know I am an aspie, but I have a burning question for other aspies:
Do you find yourself correcting everyone? Even strangers? The worst one I have done was jump out of a car to correct the English of a begger's cardboard sign! Lol!

In other words, is this an aspie trait, or is it just a terrible quirk of mine?



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21 Jan 2012, 6:37 pm

jamieevren1210 wrote:
Question for nts

What do you do in your spare time?


Nothing, absolutely nothing.

And i have nothing but spare time, rather tragic arn't I?


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24 Jan 2012, 6:04 pm

Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this?



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24 Jan 2012, 10:35 pm

Question for NTs...

What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?

I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me.



hisjen
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25 Jan 2012, 12:51 pm

dianthus wrote:
Question for NTs...

What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?

I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me.


I generally assume someone wants to be done talking to me when they fully turn away from me, but because of my curiosity I will ask them if I should go away.
My daughter and I came up with a plan, if I'm not "getting it" when she wants to be left alone she can say, leave me alone, I need a break or could you go away for a while? I need verbal cues as do many NTs out there, the more polite the better of course.
Jen



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25 Jan 2012, 5:14 pm

fraac wrote:
Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this?


As an NT, I don't always assume there's some kind of an angle if someone is giving me advice. Maybe there are other problems, like, maybe you were too abrupt, too assertive, or maybe someone wasn't looking for advice.

For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort.



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27 Jan 2012, 3:36 pm

Abbadackerygirl wrote:
I know I am an aspie, but I have a burning question for other aspies:
Do you find yourself correcting everyone? Even strangers? The worst one I have done was jump out of a car to correct the English of a begger's cardboard sign! Lol!

In other words, is this an aspie trait, or is it just a terrible quirk of mine?


That is definitely an aspie trait :D



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27 Jan 2012, 3:46 pm

EtiamTempus wrote:
fraac wrote:
Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this?


As an NT, I don't always assume there's some kind of an angle if someone is giving me advice. Maybe there are other problems, like, maybe you were too abrupt, too assertive, or maybe someone wasn't looking for advice.

For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort.


I was recommending television (in the last example of many). This proves to be a weirdly difficult thing to do - they assume a motive other than 'based on observation this would make you happy'.



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27 Jan 2012, 3:47 pm

EtiamTempus wrote:
For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort.


I guess that's how aspies comfort people :D I have often felt that I had to say something comforting, but I had no idea what. "I'm sorry" or "there, there" didn't seem to cut it, so I tried to say something useful and constructive instead.

Alas, that doesn't work when somebody tells me "my mother died yesterday". I mean, I can hardly say "well, perhaps you should make arrangements for her funeral then", even though that's very constructive advice. I always feel put on the spot when people tell me things like that. The first thought that pops into my head is "Why did he have to tell me that?!? What do I say now? I really don't want to have this conversation anymore. How can I end it?" I know that's totally unfair and I shouldn't make the misery of others about myself, but I can't help it. It's not even that I don't feel for other people, I just can't process it properly at that moment. That happens later when I'm alone.



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28 Jan 2012, 5:35 am

dianthus wrote:
Question for NTs...

What sort of signals do you interpret as someone wanting to discontinue interaction, to be left alone?

I am asking because people consistently keep trying to interact with me when I want them to go away. And I don't know what it is I'm doing that makes them continue trying to talk to me.

Not engaging in the conversation, not looking at the person, doing a task while the person is talking.
Theres a guy at work, who will come and talk to me about stuff, and he always knows things, so he will talk in depth about something like joining fibre optic cables, and it can be interesting, but after a while I have to get back to my work, so I start to do all those things I mentioned until eventually he's talking to my back while I type on my computer, he just doesn't pickup the non verbal signals.
I have resolved to telling him politely and gently that I have to stop talking and need to get on with my work.



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28 Jan 2012, 7:03 pm

Are there any NT peeps with a child, SO, or relation with ADHD as well as AS?

I'm wondering if NTs have the same constant need for stimulation I do.


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30 Jan 2012, 10:52 am

fraac wrote:
EtiamTempus wrote:
fraac wrote:
Oh! Here's one that gets me. If you recommend something to an NT, will they always assume you have an angle? There have been many times where I recognised something that a person would like and the simple act of giving or showing them it was made very complicated. I think Amelie had the right idea of helping NTs invisibly so they don't do the 'between the lines' misreading of your motives. Am I right about this?


As an NT, I don't always assume there's some kind of an angle if someone is giving me advice. Maybe there are other problems, like, maybe you were too abrupt, too assertive, or maybe someone wasn't looking for advice.

For example, someone tried to steal something from me and I got really scared. When I tried to tell my AS boyfriend about it, he was offering advice on what to do. I wasn't really looking for advice, I just wanted comfort.


I was recommending television (in the last example of many). This proves to be a weirdly difficult thing to do - they assume a motive other than 'based on observation this would make you happy'.


Could be a cognitive bias here. As innocuous as advising 'watching TV,' I don't dont see how it could be slanted into something else. If it's too good to be true/ not true is a bias I've run into. The problem here is they don't accept an alternative first, but jump the gun. Too little thinking.



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30 Jan 2012, 9:58 pm

compass wrote:
Question for NTs

Do you complain that Aspie's never admit that they are wrong?

My ex-wife and stepdaughter were what I would classify as alpha NTs.  For example, stepD was student council president in high school. During our marriage, a common complaint from them about me was that I would "never admit that I was wrong." This confused me for years. I would readily admit an error whenever shown proof.  Eventually, I made a serious effort to identify what was going on.  Finally, I discovered that it was my opinions that were "wrong." For example, I like classical music but not pop. That was "wrong" since they liked pop music. How could I not like it? 
This has bugged me ever since. How many people treat opinions and facts the same? How can an opinion be wrong?


I do have this complaint with my SO although I don't often vocalize it.

Maybe what they mean by 'wrong' is more emotional than factual.
When my SO hurts my feelings, I feel that he is in the 'wrong' for doing so, even if he didn't mean to do it.
In a NT relationship, I would expect an apology for him hurting my feelings.



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30 Jan 2012, 10:03 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
TruthTree wrote:
Question for Aspies please.

How can I tell the difference between:
a) When an AS person overloaded and needs to be left alone
b) When the AS person won't speak to me because he is angry with me?

Also, if the AS person is angry with me should I try to leave them alone or should I try to talk to him about it?


I appear kind of shell-shocked when I'm overloaded. Less responsive and a bit absent-minded, but at the same time panicky and trembling. Sometimes I hyperventilate. Sometimes I make clumsy, abrupt movements when I reach for a tissue (blowing my nose often helps me to stop hyperventilating) or compulsively adjust my glasses.

When I'm angry at someone, I try to avoid all contact with them. Permanently if possible. But in case they are sitting right next to me and I can't easily get away, I just sulk and have an argument with them in my head. I can't handle confrontations, so I just imagine the things I would say if I'd dare to open my mouth. Weird, I know. The difference between both situations is that I'm not agitated or panicking when I'm angry and appear more at ease, just really quiet and thoughtful.


Thanks this was helpful.

I think my SO is like you, he is unable to talk to me when he gets angry with me..
Problem is he won't tell me what I do that makes him angry so I think I may be getting him angry over and over again.



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31 Jan 2012, 12:34 am

TruthTree wrote:
compass wrote:
Question for NTs

Do you complain that Aspie's never admit that they are wrong?

My ex-wife and stepdaughter were what I would classify as alpha NTs.  For example, stepD was student council president in high school. During our marriage, a common complaint from them about me was that I would "never admit that I was wrong." This confused me for years. I would readily admit an error whenever shown proof.  Eventually, I made a serious effort to identify what was going on.  Finally, I discovered that it was my opinions that were "wrong." For example, I like classical music but not pop. That was "wrong" since they liked pop music. How could I not like it? 
This has bugged me ever since. How many people treat opinions and facts the same? How can an opinion be wrong?


I do have this complaint with my SO although I don't often vocalize it.

Maybe what they mean by 'wrong' is more emotional than factual.
When my SO hurts my feelings, I feel that he is in the 'wrong' for doing so, even if he didn't mean to do it.
In a NT relationship, I would expect an apology for him hurting my feelings.


That's a question for women. Admitting you're wrong when you aren't is a big part of a relationship with a woman.



Abbadackerygirl
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31 Jan 2012, 8:15 pm

Moog wrote:
Are there any NT peeps with a child, SO, or relation with ADHD as well as AS?

I'm wondering if NTs have the same constant need for stimulation I do.


I have both. As far as stimulation goes, I could lose focus on anything. If I needed to do school work as a child I could literally stare at a wall and zone out for hours.