Anyone else like this? How do you cope with it?

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Millie, thanks for this list. I'm going to take it as a starting point in making a list for my family. My husband already knows so much about the way I operate, but I think it will help *me* to get it in black and white. Especially the way you describe why these things are so.

yes...simple, simple, simple strategies for complicated, detailed, fastidious people.

Except your wife, right? I wouldn't say what I think to most people, but there is a lot of trust with my husband, and I have learned to open up and find ways to express. Sometimes I can't identify my feelings exactly. The concept of needs (mentioned by another user here) was a powerful one for me, too. Here's a list that I sometimes look at to help identify what need isn't being met. Maybe it'll be useful for you, too:

http://www.cnvc.org/en/learn-online/nee ... -inventory

The guy who has this site is a communication genius, in my opinion, and I've learned a lot from applying his concepts.

I know what you mean, but no, it wouldn't work that way for me. I can't keep Chinese food... or any cooked meat products... at the house to eat whenever, I cannot tolerate the taste of food that has been re-heated in the microwave. I am extremely picky about my foods, and when it comes to Chinese food I can only eat it from certain places, and it cannot be warmed over. Also, the Arby's thing was just a quick fix. We normally don't eat out at all these days because we stay broke. In fact, on Sunday we had to resort to sharing our dinner with our three dogs after we ran out of their food. We were negative in our checking account and had absolutely no cash on hand for anything, not even gas in our cars. It always happens that way on my paydays because my paychecks suck compared to my wife's. But also because we are in bankruptcy so money stays very tight. We literally had nothing in our house to eat after our dinner on Sunday until yesterday. On my paydays, once our debtors are paid, we're broke until her payday.

I wrote more but it got lost in the server overload apparently. I won't repeat myself because there has been a lot of excellent input already. I just want to say this has been a very valuable thread. Millie, your list is what it's all about.

To sbcmetroguy:


I could be dead wrong about this but I am betting that there is something that is and has been bothering you. My guess is someone screwed you over big time and it has nothing to do with what you have written here. You are either trying to forgive this person or trying to forget what he or she did. I suggest you confront your feelings and either go kick his … or at least get if off your chest.

P.S.: I wrote this before reading your replies. Now it makes sense.