The Autistic/Down Syndrome kid from Dr. Phil

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one of my customers has 3 kids who are autistic, 1 aspie, 1 mid, and 1 low... he says it's tough, but worth it. he and his wife swap 1 day a week where 1 parent takes the kids, and the other does whatever they want. that doesn't seem like much, but it helps tremendously.

I hate how they take the worst case scenarios and make a big show out of it. We all know that Autism Speaks speaks for that mother. If she doesn't want the child, she should give him up for adoption. There are couples who are trained to raise special needs children like that boy who was on the Dr. Phil show, who would love to take them into their homes. The mother sounds like a playground bully who never got over herself. I bet that the people at Autism Speaks are watching those YouTube videos, over and over.

I don't like that either.

It's clear though that they have a hard time and need help. So does their boy.

I feel sorry for the boy first, and for his parents afterwards.

I find it interesting how often a disability in a kid is often portrayed as the parent's suffering first (and maybe it's the only thing there is talked about), and then the kid's afterwards. But it's the kid that's having the disability, not the parents.
Maybe it's because others can easier imagine the parents' situation than the kid's (after all, they are the normal - and grown up - ones, right?). Yeah, even NTs empathise (more) with people like themselves.
Often it's described in this way, when some parents get a disabled child: they ask themselves: What have I done?, and say that they are the "afflicted" ones, and when they get the child they in fact feel like they "loose" a child instead (i.e. what they loose is their dream image of a "perfect", normal child; not the child as such).

And it's not only parents of disabled children that speak like this... some people I know have a baby girl that had a middle ear infection and therefore cried a lot in the night, so the parents didn't get a lot of sleep.
I noticed that peoples' sympathy immediately was with the parents, that they must be desperate for sleep etc., rather that with the girl, though she was in great pain. (And yes, it's not to say that I don't think it was hard for the parents, but hope you get the idea.)
After she had got well again, the father told me she had become well, and that was nice, then they could sleep in the night.
I couldn't help saying, yes, but it was also good for her that she hasn't got the pain anymore. (He agreed, of course.)

I get a strange feeling sometimes when I see this thing with parents who are "afflicted" with a handicapped child.
And think, am I then also one others are afflicted with?
But they haven't said so. So I guess not.

The mother wants to put him away because she has came to a point where she can't handle him anymore but her husband doesn't want to put him away because he is afraid of how he will be treated there. So the mother is left in a hole. That's one of the reasons why divorce rates are so high in parents of autistic kids. One parent doesn't want the child and the other does so they end up splitting because one of them couldn't handle the child.

You can still have a kid hoping it won't be a special needs child and if it does turn out to have something, you can always put it up for an adoption or hand it to the state.

That's funny because I feel sorry for parents who are suffering because I know I would not be able to handle it if that were me and I know how I get when I'm stressed. (I did something horrible when I was 16 but I will never talk about it ever, I did one time and people didn't feel my pain I had and stuff. Instead they acted like I was the bad guy and it's crap I'd expect from regular people but not from my own kind). I guess I'm the bad guy because I can't handle these situations and I know it. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK PEOPLE!

Having a child is not like buying a new shirt. You don't aquire it thinking that if it doesn't live up to your expectations, or match your new skirt you can hand it off to someone else.

If you can't handle whatever your child may be, then don't have kids. It's not fair to anyone to do otherwise.

Yes, maybe the reason is also that it would in fact be possible for people to come in a similar situation, while they couldn't be children once again? (disabled or not).

Thank you, you said it better than I could have.
If I want a kid but don't want to risk unanticipated complications, I will adopt one.

I think people think that humans are supposed to be these civilized being that totally transcend any animalistic tendencies, and if they don't, they're just evil or something. But then people also think that animals can never be evil and if they do something violent, they can't be blamed for it. I always thought that there was something kind of skewed about this mindset. It's true that we have the mental capacity to base our actions on more than just "here, now and me" but I don't think anyone can be expected to be this imaginary super-human.

I saw that vid and the mother of that show is just so absent minded about what his son. Seriously, you don't know if you kid has down syndrome. I could see her (and others) being ignorant of autism, but down syndrome. I'm sorry, but everyone can see Down Syndrome.

Enough negative comments aside, We all should be lucky what we have right now because we could have been like that kid that was shown on Dr. Phil. I felt sorry for the father because I see him and his son bonding as they loved each other. It's too bad the boy can't speak other than saying "mean".

As much as bad situations are going for us (i.e. can't find a date, lack of promotion, or soical skills), we should be thankful for all things we have right now. I bet you guys the kid wishes that he has the things we have right now.

The kid knows that his mother hates him, and that his father loves him. He uses the word, "Mean" in all the right contexts as well. He knows what's going on, and how each of his parents feel about him. He's more willing to cooperate with his dad. His mother's all over him, trying to manhandle him. His dad just extends his hand, and the kid cooperates better, that way. I also think that speech therapy would help him out. He would eventually be able to tell a councilor what's going on, behind closed doors.

even a dog knows when they've been stumbled over and when they've been kicked.

He's not got the obvious Down Syndrome facial features, though. It's possible to miss a DS diagnosis when it isn't really that obvious... Can't get a good look at his hands; that would be another way to tell whether they should know to test for DS. Really, though, when he started missing developmental milestones, the doctor should have done a test for it, since it's such a common cause of developmental delay. Heart defects are so common in DS kids that you really, really have to know about it if it's there; otherwise you mightn't know to check the heart and end up with the patient dying. This sounds like a case of a stupid doctor and an oblivious mom, not just denial.

I do feel kind of lucky. I had at least a mom who loved me--overwhelmed most of the time, yeah, and married a couple of idiots who definitely abused me--but my mom did love me, and my grandparents; and that kid doesn't look like anybody's on his side at all, and that completely sucks. I know there's more than a few people here who grew up without anybody on their side, and that's something that's really hard to come back from.

I wonder if that kid's even still alive, today or if his mother murdered him. That story originally aired last fall. I'm sick of seeing parents who hate their handicapped children being invited on Dr Pill's show.

I "know" this mother because I also have a child with a dual diagnosis of Down syndrome and autism.

Yes, the kid is still alive. And yes, he does get ABA, has for a while now. Yes, she's tried everything, including the GF/CF diet and other interventions. And yes, the Dr. Phil show did send her to see the experts at Kennedy Kreiger Institute (both the autism and Down syndrome experts).

Please understand that the media distorts everything to make a story interesting. She's not the monster that is portrayed. Just extremely stressed out.