how sociable were (are) your mother and father, what affect

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irishwhistle? What is it about being estranged from our families? I have a similar situation. My mom's side of the family was pretty estranged because my grandmother was embarrassed that most of the family were a bunch of major Appalachian hillbillies so we didn't really socialize with them much. I can only recall a few occasions where we drove about some really poor and remote areas of southern Kentucky/norther Tennessee searching for estranged brothers and sisters just before my granny died. That was the first I had ever seen of any family on my mom's side that wasn't an uncle or aunt. We didn't see them all that much, either. A few times a year... maybe. My dad's side of the family were all estranged for reasons that I really couldn't tell you. I honestly have no idea what the deal was, but I speculate that it is because it is work to keep up relationships and most of them would rather go on doing "their thing" and would like to not be bothered with keeping up on what everyone else is up to.

This leaves me and my brothers..... After my mom died, that was about that. I moved across the continent to another country and I have only heard from one of my brothers a handful of times in two years. I haven't really tried to call him that much, either. I do talk to my other brother on the phone about once every other month or so. I usually call him and we tend to talk about similar topics. He likes the outdoors and so do I. He likes antiques and so do I. Stuff like that.... we mostly talk about an interest area and if we don't have anything to say we just say "hi" and that is about that. The conversation is pretty short then. I have no contact with any aunts or uncles or cousins on either side of the family and honestly wouldn't know how to get a hold of any of them if my life depended upon it.

I think this is sort of common in a lot of the AS/spectrum families. I wonder why that is? Do you suppose it is the "lack of interest in others" thing?

My mum's family, which is full of Aspies, has what I've come to learn over the years to be the weirdest relationship with each other imaginable. My mother does not talk to anyone in her family unless something 'big' happens, at which point they start talking chronically and act as if they've never been apart.

She claims she doesn't feel the same 'disconnect' from the idea of family being 'special' people that I do, but strangely enough, despite the fact that I don't care too much for most of my family, I have more contact with her relations than she does. Of course, I only really like them because they're all wacko Aspie geniuses and among some of the very rare people I can actually talk to without becoming bored to tears.

Me, I grew up around my mother's side of the family.

My mom's normal I think, empathic and not autistic, but not much of a fan of seeking social contacts, but enthusiastic and knowledgeable about them about people she knows.

My grandma's a person who is really sociable! She's always about other people and what they need and what to do and what not to do in society and talking to and about people all the time!

What effect it had on me?

Particularly my grandmother lectured me about society and to do's all the time, every day. I've learnt a lot about people and how to beghave - from swinging your arms, how to set your feet to handshakes, greeting (though I knew those I couldn't do them very well until ASD therapy) and how to behave at a gathering, what to talk to about people.

Father - didn't grew up with the man, but know that he knew all sorts of people and 'friends'.

My parents both drank, into sports and did very well socially. However they also enjoyed their solitude or alone time. Several people have said my mother is strange. What I share with her is a love for the ocean and for traveling. She's been a terrible mother and it's somewhat consoling to hear that others find her strange. However I'm probably more strange than she will ever be, and people don't tell me how they honestly feel.

My father always had interests that connected him up with other people, mostly sports related. He loved football, snow skiing, water skiing, boating, swimming, golf and bowling. He taught me how to drive a stick shift and was an excellent teacher. He also loved to be alone and be left alone.

Both parents very intelligent, highly skilled, and integrated well with society. At times I thought they drank too much as it was an everyday ritual. I mostly don't drink at all and find alcohol poisons my system. Still, I will drink on occasion. While it does help socially, I invariably feel unpleasantly sick after the intoxication wears off.

My parents were more practical and I'm more idealist. I like Tai Chi, tennis, the occasional hike, and am not averse to watching televised golf tournaments. Other than that, I have no interest whatsoever in sports. What I inherited from my parents is an addiction to being overly analytical, an appreciation of my solitude, and a love for the ocean and nature. I was also involved in street drugs for 10 years and believe the tendency to become drug and/or alcohol dependent is in my genes. I am much more reclusive than either of my parents and choose a life of hermitude. I love my hermitude.

Last edited by alba on 17 Jun 2009, 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

both my parents are extremely socialable, my mother is italin so like u said autisticmind gets as socialable as you can get haha, my father had tons of friends, he was one of those caregiving sweet guys that even at the pub he was popular hehe. Both of them love parties, love having social gatherings, and loved having ppl over. So to have a daughter like me wasnt the best for them.

i would really thank to thank all of you so far for being so sharing and introspective about yourself and families

i have learned so much...i know it is quite painful, but hopefully thereupudic for some of you, to share some of your past

i am lucky and very thankful i had 2 loving parents, siblings, and extended families.........no drugs, alcohol (my parents were depression era).no violence............now that i think about it, i lived in a "leave it to beaver" bubble

even though i was very different, my mom let me be "me", and knew i would outgrow all the weird crap

again, i thank you all

I forgot to mention how they might have effected my sociability...Frankly i am not sure..I do sorta bounce back and forth between not wanting to interract and a certain level of social gregariousness...I guess...

My father was extremely sociable and charming, though he had a speech impediment when young. My mother was very shy and quiet. It was thought I took after my mother, since I was quiet, but sometimes I would imitate my father, too.

My parents were the opposites actually. My mother has great social skills and she loves people. My father was always very shy when he was younger but my mother seemed to break him out of it a little. I know I inherited my personality from my father but the only differences is, my social skills are much worse then his ever was.

Mom was an extrovert and was loved by many ; her persona exuded a 'certain force'.

My Father is an introvert and has been reclusive since 1972; he was the salutatorian in high school, but I wonder how he ever gave the address?
Only customarily socializes; and is mostly unsocial.

I was raised in a single parent family home and the apple didn't roll far from this tree.
nature beat nurture

note: One lasting effect that I can remember here from 'mom' was signing me up for little league, and that was against my will initially.
But this taught me interaction with strangers and team play and I even made some good plays including a difficult game winning catch that prevented a loss in a world series game---it was fun.

Last edited by Mdyar on 17 Jun 2009, 9:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You want to know how I got AS

well my father was a drinker but one night he went crazier than usual and he held a model plane up to mummy, mummy tried to defend herself and he beat her down and then he came to me

he put the Spermarine Spitfire in my mouth like this and he said

WHY SO ASPERGIC

i COULD NOT HELP DOING THAT, BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS MY MUM AND DAD ARE QUITE SOCIABLE sorry I capslocked by accident. Just by comparison it is really apparent of my social problems. and the fact I am completely different to my parents socially academically IQ my parents have both an average IQ about 100 or my mum is less mijne is about 130 so go figure lol

i speak to siblings rarely.
My mum is not really sociable although she will see people one on one.
My father and step father are maybe more sociable.

A couple of sisters are quite sociable. most of us tend toward our own interests and pursuits

My parents were both very sociable - although my mother has always seemed to be more comfortable in a formal social setting (dinner parties, cocktail parties, parties in general), whereas my dad would socialize with anyone at any time & chat for hours about any topic.

When I come to think of it, it seems apparent that my AS comes from my mom's side of the family. Her relatives tend to be reclusive farmers & shy types. Her socializing is all about formal social situations - so there was a set of rules governing how she should interact with everyone else. When it comes to interacting with strangers, she tends to be quite shy & keeps to herself.

I would usually hide in my room when people came over. But at some point in the party, I was expected to come out and greet the guests (usually with a bit of coaxing/coercion from my mother.)

The effect it had on me was to at least acquaint me with the rules of formal social situations. I got to see what happens at parties & how the guests behave. I also got to see the amount of planning that went into hosting a party. (And from my father, I saw how to interact with strangers - friendly chit-chat, etc.)

Although I am generally not very social myself, my parents certainly did their job to acquaint me with the skills necessary for social interaction. Too bad they couldn't also wave a magic wand and give me the inclination to be social.

My mother is very unsociable; if it weren't for my father, I'm not sure that she'd socialise at all offline. Since discovering the internet, she's become quite sociable on social networking sites and penpals sites, so she does have a desire to connect to people. I think that her lack of socialisation offline is to do with both introversion and a lack of confidence in her socialising abilities.

My father is a social butterfly.


Apart from the fact that I've inherited my mother's introversion (it goes beyond introversion with me; if people hadn't made the effort to communicate with me, I'd be totally isolated socially and happy with it), I don't think it's really affected me. My personality is, and always has been kind of impervious to outside influence.

My father, the "aspie", is very social, and he's even created an appearance of looking the part on the surface. Friends and girlfriends come and go at his whim.

My mother is introverted, so she doesn't desire much contact with others; she sees a friend once a month for coffee, and also my sister every fortnight, but that's it (visiting other relatives on a yearly basis). She has OCD tendencies ("checker"), plus social anxiety when she was younger (late-teens and early twenties), which has subsided with age.

Neither had an effect on my ability to socialise; I'm cut-off from outside influences on my behaviour, and I walk my own path.

My mom will deny it but she really is a recluse. She never has friends invited over by her or has friends invite her over to their place. She tries once in a while to attend a chrch but it falls out for what she reasons as a political issue for one thing or another, but I know full well that it is the social demands to attend a church requiring too much for her.

My dad is somewhat social. He has friends, he maintains the business contacts and all that and maintains the relationships with his mployees, but because of my mother does not have constant contact with friends and the sort. Though I'm sure that was part of the sacrifice he made to be married to my mother.