Anyone Have Trouble Saying "Hi"?

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If someone greets me, I can usually respond. Sometimes my ability to process and follow the "script" of the social situation fails, and sometimes I forget how to talk or I remember but the words won't get out of my mouth, but more often than not, I can respond to greetings.
If I have to initiate the greeting, that's a problem. I can do it if I was expecting to see the person, because I'll have been rehearsing in my head. If I see someone I know unexpectedly, that doesn't give me time to both register that they are someone that I know and that greeting them is the accepted protocol upon seeing them, and to remember how to talk, so my ability to talk just stops.

Oh boy can I relate to this. I hate saying hi and I hate saying goodbye. I loathe walking into a room full of people, a classroom, a party, at a job, anywhere...and having to say "hi." I think it's even worse saying goodbye. Usually I just try to sneak out the door when no one's paying attention.

If someone greets me, I return the greeting in kind. A wave for a wave. A nod for a nod. A "hi" for a "hi". After a while a friendly feeling follows these gestures, so it is not just a sham.

By the numbers, by the book. A simple algorithm that works almost perfectly in the NT world. Aspies do not need to greet each other. They already know there are here and the other person is there.

ruveyn

I hate being greeted because I don't like greeting back, and the the same with goodbyes. None of it feels natural and whenever I try to return the gesture I feel awkward, and it comes out not how I intended it.

I dread it all.

Yes, I think that´s my problem in saying "hi"; it´s not that I can´t, or don´t want to say it; either I just forget, or I have trouble noticing the person/situation in the first place.

I had lots of trouble with it until I went though therapy some.

I just didn't know this was expected of me (despite that I've been told, I just didn't internalise this knowledge) because I didn't know this is how conversations and relationships are entered which is also why I didn't care for anyone greeting me, seeing how I didn't realise it was somewhat necessary for good communication.

Now it's just a ritual I think is nice to do often, but that comes by no means natural to me. It's still like playing a game or speaking a foreign language when I greet people. I forget sometimes of course, because it just won#t come natural no matter how often I do it.

Am I the only one that appreciates the irony in this? We've had a thousand and one threads about people complaining that NTs asking "how are you?" aren't really looking for an honest answer, and here we have an aspie that does the same thing

(no offense intended, DonkeyBuster, but this really appealed to my wry sense of humour)

To get back on topic: yeah, I really can get anxious about saying "hi". When passing someone in the street I'm not always sure whether I'm "supposed" to say hi, or whether it will be considered freaky because they don't know me that well.

Also, sometimes my voice fails me. When I've been walking along, minding my own business, not having talked to anyone for a while and I suddenly need to speak up, somehow I don't know how loud my voice will be. Then when I open my mouth it will either be way too loud (seeming overly eagerly enthousiastic while really I'm not), or it will be so soft that the other person can't hear me and they might be left wondering "did he yawn at me or did he say something?".

I've also done the "hide and hope they haven't seen you yet" routine often enough that I've lost count

I have a REALLY rough time saying "thank you" to my parents for anything...weird I know, LOL but I can't say it....and I also have an even more difficult time saying "I love you" to them, but I say it all the time to my best friends and family. I have no idea why!! Is this an AS thing? Or just a "ME" thing?

Oh yes, the difficulty in the unwritten rules of the usage of hi. I can tell you for a fact that saying hi is always very difficult and awkward for me, no matter who the person is. I mean, I never know when I'm suppose to say it and the only time I can usually say it is if someone else says it first, that way I can just answer back and I know they might somewhat like me. For me, I'm actually more than anything, afraid to say hi and I only try to say it if the person either wants me to say it or if I feel I absolutely have to. Unfortunately, I've had some awkward hi moments. Sometimes I say it to a person and they seem to be surprised(as if they didn't expect me to say it or maybe they don't like me) or they don't answer at all(which will kill my chances of wanting to say hi again). Then, at other times, people think I don't like them if I don't say hi to them(which isn't the case). I guess they feel like I'm snubbing them but I'm not. If they don't say a word to me, how am I suppose to know if I'm suppose to say it? I can only say it to people I'm very comfortable with and that's not many. Like so many damn unwritten social rules, the usage of hi is another social thing on my list that I can't decipher.

The whole "hi" thing confuses me, too. We are told that it is normal and expected that we will greet people that we know. However, if I'm at work (at any job I've had) or school, or wherever, people who I know often pass me without greeting me. I look to the people around me to get a feel for what is expected, and if I can walk up and down the halls without anyone acknowledging me, then why do people care if I don't acknowledge them?

The "rules" are described one way, but what I observe around me is something different.

One thing about saying "hi" that is difficult for me is if the person is not looking at me. I mean, sometimes I will see a person, and realize that I'm supposed to acknowledge them. Especially if it's a work situation, where I probably am feeling self-conscious about behaving appropriately. I hate to say a person's name just so they'll look in my direction so I can greet them. It's bad enough having to do that if I actually have something to say! So, I'll wait for them to look my way, and if they never do, then they don't get a greeting. They shouldn't complain, though, because they didn't look in my direction or greet me either.

Another thing that can be a problem is when I am passing someone, and they say, "What's up?" or "How's it going?" just as they are passing me. If I am to give an answer, it's awkward because they are now walking away from me. I guess I'm just supposed to say, "Hey!" or some other one syllable greeting, and sometimes that's fine. But if it's a person like the boss or someone with a social position that warrants a more formal greeting (which is always nerve-wracking) then I don't know what to do. I mean, you don't want to make the person turn around and chat with you, but you also want to give an appropriate greeting.

No offense taken. I recognize the irony as well... but beyond having no good script for getting out of the situation, I think it falls under the 'no patience for other people's interests' category. Save me from the boring details of chronic illness. I may be heartless, but I really don't care about her doctor visits, her latest aches, pains, and digestion problems, her latest diet restrictions, her new alternative med. regimen... blah, blah, blah.

I just want to run my 'Hi' script and get on with my errands. I don't go to the grocery store to share a 'special moment' in the produce section or 'bond' with a casual acquaintance in the dairy aisle. I'm on task and all the other humans are merely in the way.

Working on my "Curmudgeon" degree...
DonkeyBuster

this is exactly my situation. i was a happy, unassuming, innocent little girl who didn't understand social games and thought making friends was a simple as just going up to someone and saying "hi, let's be friends!". i learned my lesson, the hard way, until you're left with this cynical, guarded, 40 year old woman you have now.

but now, i see the truth that saying "hi", "good morning", "how are you", etc are just empty, time-wasting, usually insincere platitudes, especially if it's someone you see day in and day out, every day. i don't get it.

i notice that it all depends on where i am and who it is whether it's easy for me or not. usually the hardest people i find to greet are rural/whitebread types, NT females, vapid young girls, and of course, people who have a higher perceived social status and make a lot of money, because i feel there's this unspoken rule i have no right to even speak to them. usually, i can sense right away if they're the type that wouldn't respond even if i did say hi, and usually i'm right when i try. so i generally let people say something to me first and i'll answer or talk just fine. i have to know they want to speak to me first. most of them don't, but the blame is always placed on me as being the standoffish or "stuck up" one. i've never understood how introverted, inhibited, and full of low self-esteem equals "stuck up". and then there's the best one ever - the sarcastic hello, which is basically NT code for "you're beneath me, you're supposed to say hello first".

the funny thing is, i was raised in a family that never put any emphasis on greetings, saying good morning, or even good night (we WILL say "goodbye" or "be careful" or "see you later" if one of us leaves, that's got to be superstition.). i wonder if it's partly a cultural thing as my mother is persian.

it's one of the things that irks me in life the most, and causes me a lot of stress.

Haha wow, I do the exact same thing

I live in south america. Where i live people say "hi, how are you?" to what i guess the proper response would be "fine and you?"

But i always respond just "fine", or sometimes i just avoid the whole thing by just asking the same question at the same time ("hi, how are you?") , wich people often do, and sometimes they respond with a "fine", but sometimes no one says nothing and the question is just left "hanging" there, which i guess is kinda funny.

but i mostly say "fine" and forget the "and you?", and im guessing these might sound a little arrogant to others, not to have the question asked back. i try to remember and train myself to say "and you" but i always forget it when the situation arises.
Besides, sometimes it just sounds a little over-polite, in my opinion, to respond with a "im doing fine, and you?", but i guess i should cause its the normal thing.

I should probably pay more attention to how other guys handle this.

Greetings like 'hi' bother me. I see no point to them, so I rarely use them. I also have trouble with the concept of waving at people.

I'll admit at times whenever I've entered a room with other people I may not right off the bat say,"Hello" yet, I'm not trying to be impolite just don't always feel compelled to do so but, I do say other things of a kindhearted nature otherwise..For me, I tend to use the expression "Have a nice day" probably more than is needed something, that is spoken each day whenver I come across people, mostly "Nt's"Anyways, I found this post very interesting indeed..