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sjamaan
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26 Jun 2009, 3:47 pm

racethelightning wrote:
Another thing that always happens to me is I can't figure out when, or how long to look at or notice someone who is passing by me. Or I do the 'avoid eye contact until the last possible second so they don't think I'm staring and then maybe look at them as I pass so they don't think I'm trying NOT to look', etc. Do most people just KNOW when to do this stuff? Or maybe they just don't notice the other people around them and wonder which direction they're going to pick? lol


Oh man, I hate that! I think I manage reasonably well (aside from the anxiety that I feel); I just purposely look away until I am almost near them and then look at them in a friendly way and greet them, if I know then.

What's worse is when you have an appointment with someone and are waiting for someone or walking towards them and you already see them coming up from afar, and they know you're there too and have also seen you. I think it's not appropriate to look straight at them the whole time while they are approaching, but I don't think it's polite to look away until they are only a few paces away, is it?



Keith
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26 Jun 2009, 4:20 pm

I don't have that problem. I found out that I must be invisible, I look straight ahead at all times, hardly blinking. I'm not hard to miss, but others seem to think so. I end up being the one who has to move out of the way for 2+ people who can't be bothered to move over.
I don't like to walk slowly or stop when I see no need. So I have fun, if the person is to slow, I exaggerate it but taking one step at a time fast enough to be seen and keeping up with them whilst they walk at pace.



Keeno
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26 Jun 2009, 6:04 pm

I have had this problem, big time. I have, of late, been working on it. I have started to do things like:

If there is a larger flow of pedestrians going in the same direction as me, walking behind that flow. Beforehand, I would probably have tried to walk through the flow of people coming the opposite way!

If there is a larger flow of pedestrians coming the opposite way as me, waiting until they come past. This also applies when someone is approaching at right angles to me, then I will let them past first instead of walking into them - kind of like waiting for a traffic flow if driving.

These days I will look forward when walking on a pavement, looking at the space available, and pre-planning my walk through the approaching pedestrians and the space in between them.

Beforehand, I used to have a nightmare.

It wasn't uncommon for people to say "f**k's sake" when doing the concrete quadrille.

Some people really did think I was trying to block their way in the sideways dance trying to get past each other.

Is "concrete quadrille" an apt term to call this anyway? I think not. A quadrille would require four people as in the quadrille dance. See here for a discussion on this and other terms to call this.

One term suggested is "faux pas de deux" which at least describes the fact it is two people trying to pass each other. And "faux pas" seems apt because it sounds appropriately Aspergy. But if there is an Aspie involved, they are probably the one causing the faux pas because of face-blindness, rather than the other person.

Would "concrete jig" be a better term as this pavement dance tends to often be referred to as a jig? Not "concrete juke" for sure. In the link I posted the columnist pathetically uses a respondent's suggestion of "juke" as an excuse to call him a pervert.

arielhawksquill: You said it's all in the eyes. Today I started to pay attention to people's eyes when passing them and where their eyes were looking. What a difference! Things went much more smoothly in the streets.



littlegreenleaf
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30 Jun 2009, 8:10 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
It's the eyes. People look the direction they are going to go. If you have AS, you are probably looking somewhere other than their eyes.


I've never noticed this...my way of trying to avoid walking into people was to stick to one side, because eventually the other person will go around you or something. This is good to know though. I was about to watch this show one time and almost walked into one of the kids in it, and he seemed a little annoyed, I guess because he was on his way to work. And one time on the train I was getting on while this girl was getting off and I almost walked into her and she said, "My God!"