The truth about liars

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i avoid lying because it is like entering a world of fiction and i do not like fiction because it never "adds up".

there are 2 types of lying i think.
1. spontaneous fabrication
2. reactive falsification

spontaneous fabrication is where people make up a story from scratch with no shred of truth and with no important incentive to do so. younger people tend to do this more than older people (in my experience that is). they tend to do this impress others or to outdo them.
if i tried to do this, i would rapidly forget the details of statements i said previously in the lie, and i would be revealed quickly to be lying. also i have no impulse to fabricate.

reactive falsification is where people lie falsify facts in order to gain something. like they may falsify their tax returns or swindle people out of money etc. to say your girlfriend is not fat when she is, is to falsify the fact in order to prevent negative reactions.
if i try to do this, i look like i am lying because i am scared of what question they will ask me next, based upon the lie i just said.

eg:

Woman: do you think it looks like i've lost weight?
Man: yes it does (lie *1)

lie *1 leads to:-

W: yeah? wow ! how much do you think i've lost?
M: oh about 5 kg? (lie *2)

that lie leads to more questions which necessitate further lies:-

W: where do you think i've lost weight the most?
M: all over (lie *3).

eventually "M" has to trip up and expose the fact he was lying for every question.

W: where does it look like i've lost weight the most?
M: errr... the chest.
W: WHAT?!?! you mean my breasts look smaller?!?!
M: no no no...they were small before... i mean....i never noticed really.

at that point the whole house of cards comes down.

so my standard comment to a question that i can not answer favorably is "no comment". at least that is not a lie, and it is not insulting either.

anyway, enough of my rambling

b9: I think your script sounds either unrealistic (if it's a question for validation, like the example assumed) or like W is trying to deliberately set up M to get him into trouble.

I'm not saying that that doesn't happen, but I don't think that's the default NT "script" under discussion. Of course, to be 100% on the safe side you could just never lie. On the other hand, you could also never talk to people as there's always something you can do wrong This is called "being paranoid".

Surely the husbands subjective opinion should be that his wife was the most beautiful person there? Otherwise, he may have issues with his marriage....

I've been wondering about whether the difference between Sociopathy and Aspergers is merely personality. If Aspies suress any feeling they have about lying, and train themselves to lie fluently (to themselves and others) then, with the suppression of other emotions, they could fit the criteria for Sociopathy?

I find it hard to balance being polite with outright fabrication. My intention is never to hurt anyone, but I can't stand it when I'm forced to scramble for the socially acceptable lie.

My most hated question: "Hi! How are you?"

The answer is always "Good, and you?" No one really cares about how you feel, or how were sick last night, or what you did after dinner, etc. All they're looking for is a stock response. Why bother asking if you don't really want to know????! !! !!111one!111eleventybilliondollars!!11

/rant

I don't give the stock respnse. It's funny to listen to their reactions when I say something like 'As well as I can be, given the unfortunate nature of the times we currently reside in'.

'As well as I can be, given the unfortunate nature of the times we currently reside in'.

... that is so awesome I'm going to use it.

I was shocked to read, in that article, that most people lie in one out of every four conversations that last more than 10 minutes. Wow! I never knew that people lied that much! That´s kind of depressing; who can you trust?

I sometimes "withhold information", if I don´t need to give it and if I think it will hurt someone. However, if anyone asks me a direct question, I will always answer truthfully. When I ask people questions, I want a truthful answer! If I don´t think I can handle the truth, I don´t ask the question. That´s why I think asking "Was I the most beautiful woman at the party?" a silly question- (unless you want the truth). Why would someone feel good receiving a compliment that they fished for, that was based on a lie? Can you really even take it as a compliment?? This is what I don´t understand. Wouldn´t work for me....

I have a tendency to save the whole entire blunt truth for when I feel cornered or trapped. Then it all comes out. And the truth really can hurt a lot.

Until I read it at this site I didn't even know that people didn't care how others were when asking(When asked, I would always say how I actually was), or that when people would say things like "We should have lunch some time" that it wasn't actually expected that we would have lunch some time(I would say "Sure, when do you think would be good?" because if I didn't schedule it immediately then I would forget).

I reasoned that I cared about the truth more than others because I try to make sure that what I say is the truth and so would never want to ask a question if I didn't care about the answer and would never offer some form of interaction with someone if I didn't want to have it, because that is dishonest.

I had realized that certain people had lied to me in the past and tricked me into believing lies because I had been gullible, but I thought that I had just been unlucky enough to have interacted with liars in the past. I had believed that people were generally honest and since now I am instead generally suspicious I could realize when people were trying to lie to me.

But according to that video if most people can not only lie but then convince themselves said lies are true then that means that they either don't really care about the truth or can't always distinguish whether they are telling the truth. That is frightening.

I always tell my mum that I went for a walk with my dog and she ran and relaxed, but truly I was not. I was on the comp or watching TV, sometimes sleeping...

Is it a big lie? Shouldn't I do that?

Or if I am ashamed and someone asks me if I did it, I would say: no!

Is it a big lie?

If it's a big thing I will then always apologize and tell everything true about that. So then I become even more ashamed and wish to disappear!

It is sometimes too stressful to tell the truth if you know there will be so many sensory problems e.g. someone will yell on you, will ashame you when there are too many people, you would like to disappear but you can't...
Otherwise, lying hurts. It hurts me inside when I am lying someone because I am too scared to tell the truth.
Anyway, no matter I have Asperger's, life had thought me lying is a must-do to survive! Unfortunately
Why are people not accepting one who tells them the truth, even if it hurts? Why they explode then?
Why we have to lie to predict ourself from dangerous, bullying and hurting?

So, which kind of lies are allowed and which are really not?
How could I know that?

Which lies makes you uncomfortable because you get into trouble and which lies are not dangerous?
Can anyone write the examples?

Thanks