Do you feel empathy?

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What if I didn't cry when my grandfather died? He died at an old age, without suffering, and enjoyed reasonably good health nearly to the day of his death. It was illogical to cry or be sad; instead I was pleased that he did not suffer, and I thought that it was a good way to end a good life. I don't like to cry for people, I prefer to remember good moments that I spent with them, and thinking about them makes me happy. Is it very abnormal?

Sorry, magic. I was just using that as an example. That was what my friend (NT) said when she tried to explain to me why she could feel emotion for other people. It had nothing to do with a grandfather, she just meant they put themselves in another person's place. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough about that.

By the way, I don't think you are abnormal at all. I was eight when my grandad died. At the funeral, I was the only person in my family who wasn't crying, except for my uncle who had to speak. I loved my grandad so much, and for years I felt so guilty that I didn't cry. Now I have great memories of my grandad, and I no longer feel guilty that I couldn't cry.

Also, I think people cry mostly because of the happy memories. At first, right after someone dies, it's sadness, because they'll never see that person again. Later it becomes sentiment, because of the good times they spent with that person. I'm not sure about that, I may be wrong. Emotions and empathy are complicated.

This might be picking at straws, but don't you mean sympathy, not empathy? I always thought empathy was the ability to gauge other people's emotions, while sympathy was feeling for them, identifying with them, resonating. I feel lots of sympathy, but can't tell whether someone is happy or upset unless they're displaying quantifiable signs, like eye-smiles and moaning tears. That works out good actually, as I'm usually the one who asks, "Are you okay?" not because I can sense their subtle emotional signs, but because I simply have to check more often than other people. It's like, "They're sitting and looking forward... maybe I'm not seeing something. Are you okay?"

yes, synx13 - exactly what i do!

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warning - dictionary definitions are not necessarily those used in psychology, however

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Do you have the psychological definitions?

An absolutely perfect description of me. It is very frustrating, to say the least.

Me too, I am terrified of saying the wrong things sometimes, even though I understand what the person's going through

I don't think "lacking empathy" is entirely a myth, just too broad a term. Closer attention should be paid to this and it should be studied more.

I don't believe anyone really 'lacks empathy' entirely. Empathy is such an abstraction anyway. What does it really mean? So what if you can feel what another feels if you choose not to respond? That's happened to me and it appeared that empathy was in short supply but maybe that wasn't the case? Maybe it was just carelessness or thoughtlessness or fatigue?

On the other hand, I do think genuinely lack empathy sometimes but not all the time.

Clarification, please!

I only lack empathy for someone when their situation is completely alien to me. If I can relate to another person’s situation I will feel empathy. My problem is that it’s simply hard to relate to the average Joe NT. My interests and concerns are so vastly different that I can’t see what they are about. I can know intellectually what they like but I can’t put myself in their shoes.

Maybe this is more due to depression more than my PDD but the majority of people seem overwhelmingly shallow to me. I can’t imagine finding fulfillment in the things they find fulfillment from. I don’t get what makes people want to continue living.

I also tend to have more empathy for people who seem to be victims or "the underdog". I don't have much empathy for people who are bullies, arrogant/stupid people, or people who seem happy for superficial reasons.

I have sympathy. I lack empathy. And I have a very good understanding of what those 2 terms mean.

Thank you for starting this topic! I know I am empathetic, I am sometimes impaired but other times it is crippling. Maybe it is the sympathy that I mean is crippling, but when I know something is wrong I am always deeply moved. I just have to know first.

Why is there 2 yeses and 2 nos? Why not a middle option, or an "extreme" option?

My problem-

When I feel "pressured" into "feeling" something, I cannot feel anything. Funerals, celebrations, even jokes (even ones I find funny!), anything, I just heard someone close to my closest adult friend had just died-nothing. I feel I should feel, but I don't. Laughter is automatic, and caluculated. I feel just fine not showing anything, but I know it's expected of me...

Now, thinking about situations, for example a homeless person and the way that person got there-will bring tears to my eyes. Thinking back to good times, and bad times, with people I've known, will bring tears to to my eyes. Watching a movie, with a certain scene (Homeward Bound I believe it's called, the scene where all the animals are running toward the camera), will bring tears to my eyes. I will sit alone, at night and often "obsess" (not sure if that's the correct word, but it's close enough) about an event to a point that tears will well up in my eyes.

When I'm alone, in my thoughts, without thinking about what is expected of me, I feel things very deeply. This for me is the reason I checked up on autism, because I heard that emotions and empathy are a major problem, or are expressed very differently.

Pardon me, I've mixed in some of my thoughts on emotion in this here post.

I think with empathy, it either has to do with the "pressure" to feel for someone. Being "expected" to feel something takes it right out of me.

I think the two yeses and two nos is a glitch. I've seen that before, where each option appears twice, and always both times have the same number of votes, so it looks like it's some weird message board glitch.

Yes. I have the exact same problem. I don’t seem to easily “catch” emotions contagiously in groups like most NT’s do. I'm also unable to feel emotions at the appropriate time. If someone tells I joke I won’t always laugh right away, but 20 minutes later when everyone else has moved on to a more serious topic I may think of the joke again and have to repress the urge to giggle.

I'm also unable to cry at a funeral when other people are crying. The anxiety of being expected to show sadness in front of others suppresses my emotions. I also don’t understand how NT’s, especially NT women can become emotional almost on cue and then snap out of it just as quick. If I ever do get to the point where I cry it takes me a good amount of time to get over it and be able to think about something else. I can’t understand people who are able to go to a funeral and cry and then be at a party having fun the next hour. Makes me want to think their emotions are fake or superficial though they probably are real.

Come to think of it, the biggest part that is missing from me emotionally compared to NT’s is that infectiousness of emotion in groups. I am much more immune emotional conflagration than the typical NT.

Is empathy and emotional conflagration really the same phenomena? I think emotional conflagration can be a very evil phenomena. It makes me think of the “two minutes hate” from Orwell’s 1984. It also reminds me of a group’s response to cult leaders. For me being immune to this makes critical thinking easier. I relate to specific individuals much better than I can ever relate to groups. I have an intense distrust of group emotions.