how do you stop meltdowns?

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I've managed to avoid them almost completely (but see point 6 below) - don't know whether that disqualifies me from advising here, or qualifies me.......if my stabiity is just part of my nature, then I can't help. But I don't think it's just that. I've been pretty damned close to going ape many times, and my heart goes out to those who go over the edge.

1. I was "lucky" enough to have an iron-willed mother who beat my tantrums out of me when I was very young. Lord only knows what that did to my psyche, but it probably taught me a lot of self-control. Though it's hardly the kind of remedy that a sufferer can apply to their own case - your parents either beat you for tantrums or they don't, and I gather it's illegal these days in some countries.

2. I avoid stressful situations as much as possible. I'm pretty adept at second-guessing them after all these years. I don't try to fit into society too much.

3. I sing very loudly. Luckily my voice is very well-practised so I can do that without making too many enemies.

4. Physical exercise. When my relationship was driving me nuts, I cycled round and round the park until I was exhausted.

5. Once when I thought I was about to lose it, I took a handful of coins and bent them all in half using a hammer and a vice. The snag is that it's wise to take safetly precautions, which can be frustrating in itself - I wasn't in the mood but I got away with it.

6. Now I come to think, I did have something like a meltdown once, because of a partner who was disturbing me severely. I kind of went hysterical, thought I was going to laugh but couldn't stop hyperventilating and crying and (kind of) screaming. Luckily the partner managed to soothe me till it had passed.

7. Get a drum kit and whack hell's bells out of it - if neighbours/family are likely to object, get some V-drums which go through an amplifier with a volume control. I haven't tried it, but I know of a couple of guys who swear by this method of blowing off the stress, and I can well believe them.

8. I inhale a lot of nicotine from a vaporiser when I'm feeling badly stressed out. The withdrawal later is stressful of course, but by that time the external stimulus to going ape has usually gone away. I also used to smoke cannabis, which kept me a little more placid, but only the low-THC high CBD type. Naturally I don't recommend getting into these things if you aren't already a partaker. Nicotine is highly addictive and only delays the stress, and cannabis is illegal in many countries of course, and not entirely harmless. There's good evidence that it was giving me ocular migraine.

I suppose the general principle is to think of some activity that lets you really thrash away, till you're knackered, at something that won't do any harm to yourself or others. Set it up in advance before you really need it, and have a few "dry runs" so that when you're really losing it and your co-ordination is going, you won't need to do anything fiddly and intricate before you can use the therapy. It'll also provide a good way of burning off the tension in advance of the meltdown.

Thanks for the advice everyone
BTW i used to smoke cannabis, but found it just made me more paranoid about people than ever, so i gave that up years ago.
I only started because of pier pressure, which is something i've been very susceptible to my whole life

stimming

From a different perspective. I'm NT & my partner is AS. What can I do if I see a storm a brewing?

Thanks. I will ask her. : ). But you know how it is. Once the volcano starts to erupt it's hard to stop it. : )

granatelli wrote:

From a different perspective. I'm NT & my partner is AS. What can I do if I see a storm a brewing?

u should ask about your partner since he knows best thats just my advice though

I focus my internal energy. It always calms me down, but I have to do it rather quickly or I won't be able to focus. It's getting easier to focus it, though, so I can go longer without doing it.

granatelli,

My father is autistic as well, and we grew up with his disgusting meltdowns (sudden outbursts of yelling that I'm sure the whole street heard, and a few times even destroying things). It was awful.

If you asked me now what my mother could've done when it was obvious one was brewing, I'd say NOTHING. I think it's up to the Autistic to take responsibility for not upsetting the household and the family with their violent crises. And if they can't, that's perfectly acceptable, but they should take responsibility for their inability and go live alone in the woods.

We used to live near the beach so my father would only yell during the time it took him to get dressed, shoes, car keys and leave to yell at the beach. I assume that must've been an agreement reached with my mother, but they never explicitly told us.

As you can see on this thread, many Aspies have developed ways to cope and not drop the whole burden on their families.

I find violence in the home unacceptable under any reason or excuse.

I'll think next time, I'll withdraw and go into a quiet corner to meditate.

Use worry beads and shut down for days.

Perhaps shutting down and crying alone for days is a better, safer way to get the message of overwhelm across.

Either that or do something productive and distracting like art, poetry or music.

Or meditation.

Or going for a walk in the woods.

I hate screaming and shouting.
I don't like doing it at all.
Even if I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall sometimes.
I'll stop doing it even if it rots my insides and I crack open.

People have a right to feel safe in their own house, even if my needs may not be being met.

Learn to get your needs met in the ways that work with the NTs around you, whichever those are. Manipulations, usually. That's what reduced MY meltdowns a lot.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I think that meltdowns are a symptom of AS because we find it so hard to get our needs met in an NT society acceptable way that we bottle up our needs till we explode...