Offended my aunt with my thank you card

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I am so sorry to hear this story, but its also (to me) a funny example of how AS can mix things up sometimes. I am sorry your aunt got hurt, I am sorry you got confused, and absolutely you never call anyone cheap for it is not a compliment. But I can totally hear my AS son cheerfully repeating something he heard at home like that and having no idea it was a social no no. So, it's cute and fun to me as well to hear what you wrote. But, yeah, a social no no.

One of the posts above included a nice script for thank you notes. Stick to the script and you'll be fine.

People are such a pain.
I can see everyone's side and there's really no one to blame.
Stuff happens.

I hope it works out and everything blows over.

The whole long story you told is interesting to me, but it has nothing to do with the protocol of thank you notes. As observed, never ever in any context use the word cheap in a thank you note (even if you think it is a compliment.) You must never indicate anything about price in a thank you note.
There is a book in Barnes and Noble right now (and possibly in a library) that gives lots of examples of how you write a thank you, sympathy, congratulations etc. letter. Do get it. You sound like a sweetheart, and I don't want you to get in any more trouble.

So was it wrong of me to say to my relatives, "Thank you for the $(insert number here) check?"


I feel better now for not knowing how to write thank you notes because if there are books out there telling you how to do it, then it's obvious that even normal people don't know how and also need help to write them.

I would need to look it up, but I believe the best way to acknowledge a check is to to say something like: Thank you for your thoughtfulness in giving a check at our wedding. I'm happy to tell you we used the money (on our honeymoon and had a great time. for example) Thank you for contributing to our joy and memories.

I feel for you. I have to curb similar urges..

I remember when I was a kid my dad would sometimes say bad stuff about other people and I would repeat things he said to someone close to the person, say daughter, and then wonder why they were upset because the bad thing was about their mother, not them.

I didnt understand why it would upset them. I didnt even consider that I shouldnt be saying the bad thing in the first place...

Soon after that i overheard my dad saying "Be careful what you say to [zen_mistress], she repeats everything to others."

Oh, and if you ever find yourself in the situation of having to write a note, the internet can be helpful, you can do a search for Thank You Note ideas, templates...

First, congratulations on the wedding!

But, as I see it, you're in an awful situation with your aunt. Calling her "cheap" was a mistake.
When your dad said how your aunt was "cheap" not to come to your cousin's wedding, it most likely wasn't a comment about their financial situation. As far as I understand it, he implied she could have afforded it but didn't do so because she doesn't care enough about her family. Which is a not very polite thing to state in public.
Of course I don't know anything about your aunt's and uncle's financial situation, but to me it seems like there is some sort of dislike between your different family members. (After all, if someone from my family really wanted to come to a family gathering but simply couldn't afford to do so because of financial trouble, SOMEONE would help out with money.) So there's the possibility that for some reason they didn't want to go to your cousin's and your own wedding. That your dad is making derogatory statements about them (yes, unfortunately "cheap" IS derogatory in this case) shows they probably don't get along particularly well.
(By the way, it's rude to comment on another person's financial status anyway. Especially people who are poor don't like it to be mentioned in public. Material wealth has a lot of influence on social status, so if someone is in financial trouble, they usually take care to hide that fact from others.)
So I guess your aunt is upset because she's purposely avoiding contact with the rest of your family and you "called her out on it". She probably understood your statement as "I know you don't like us so I was very surprised you bothered to contact us at all, and even with a gift we didn't know you could afford". This is uncomfortable for her because it implies that she doesn't get along with her own family (which is probably quite hurtful even if it's true... or rather, especially then), and it implies they have financial problems (which might be true or not, either way it shouldn't have been mentioned).

I'd advise you not to mention financial stuff in your thank-you notes at all and only to include positive things like "I liked your lovely gift a lot" (even if it's the 1000th extremely ugly vase and you'll never use it, honesty is not appreciated in that context) or "thank you for the money, it really helped us to... (whatever you did with the money as long as the use was socially appropriate - if you went to an adult bookstore or anything, you DON'T mention it)".
Your notes can be very personal if you know the person your writing to REALLY well, but otherwise, I'd stick to polite platitudes.

Relations will usually take offense at things when they wish to, this could have simply been resolved with a quick-phone call in a semi-comical way, "Hey! i'm not cheap!". You're uncle/aunt are blowing this out of proportion, for what reasons i do not know or wish to speculate on. If i was you, i'd just pretend they hadn't of sent the letter, or you could send one back telling them to stop being so whiney