diffusing meltdowns in kids?

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thanks serenity. it was really hard, when I was being emotionally attacked and accused of things that I wasn't feeling or doing. I'm sure she didn't mean it that way, but it seems to be something people do in general. I've had some good coaching in how to keep my head together and look at things objectively and not fall in a heap emotionally, because 2 years ago I would have been an emotional wreck and done anything to please her, even admit to wrongs I didn't commit.

no idea...i only got restrained when i meltdown't as 12 year old

first try to help by not touching unless the kid asks to be touched

forcing touch on a autism person that does not want to be touched and is already stressed is worse than trying to make a nuclear bomb safe by hitting it with a hammer

do not force things on the kid - the more force you use the more problems you make and it could be forcing things the kid is sensitive to is what started the problem you want to stop

We call meltdowns Tsunamis. In our family there are many of us all diagnosed so Tsunami's were commonplace. But now with a bit of effort they can be avoided. Also we use Phosphatidyl Serine which in 20minutes takes a lot of the heat out of a situation so if you can see it coming you can take preventative action!!

We have a website which I hope deals with many problems you may be encountering. WE ARE A PROBONO organisation so charge NOTHING and just give our advice with love.
www.jelibean.com/

This is my advice for how to deal with a 'meldown' or stop it in its tracks. Remember we call them Tsunami's and we grade them as to how severe. Anyone on the spectrum we call Jelibeans!! It is just kinder we think

WHAT STARTS A TSUNAMI?

1. I've asked my kids and their most common trigger is FRUSTRATION. Imagine your child in the classroom trying REALLY hard. If your child has for example Dyslexia, s/he will quite obviously have difficulties in specific areas. With jellybeans you see it may not be as obvious, it may be a particular lesson that's coming up, a break time that proved stressful or just trouble ruling a margin on a page. It can be the smallest of things to trigger the feelings of frustration. Frustration when accompanied with increased stimming is a sure fire way to see the early warning signs.

2. COVER UP. This is also a common reason for a Tsunami, the time your little jellybean HAS done something wrong and is so angry with themselves that the anger is overwhelming and they get so cross that they punish themselves and others. Apologies are hard when your skin is leaking like a colander, your arms are flinging and flanging and your face is screwed up like last week's homework. The Tsunami is in a kind of bizarre apology, a recognition that they know they've done something that they shouldn't have. They are very sensitive and even when they have been a little devil, most know it and do beat themselves up.

3. SENSORY OVERLOAD. This is the most common reason in jellybeans who may have over-sensitive reactions to their surroundings - to light, heat, clothing, sounds, smells. Remember that to these jellybeans it may feel sometimes that every single thing in the room is trying to attack them. Why? Because they actually CAN'T filter anything out. Everything can hits them too hard and too fast, all simultaneously sometimes. They may feel too hot (remember their thermostats can be set far too high), and at the same time they can hear the neon light making a deafening buzz. Someone in the room is chewing a sweet and that sounds in their ears like a whole swarm of bees. Dinner is cooking and your jellybean can smell every ingredient, just as if he had his nose right inside every cooking pot and saucepan. Light is coming through the window and dancing about all over the place like pieces of blinding broken glass. And you're speaking to him and your voice sounds as if it's amplified so loud that it's completely distorted - it's like having his ear next to an amp at a rock concert. Is it any wonder he suddenly starts to scream and shout at everything just to STOP AND SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF HIS FACE?

4. INFORMATION OVERLOAD. This is a particular problem to jellybeans who may not be able to listen for very long. Did you know, some jellybeans actually can't listen and look at the same time? They have to do one or the other, but may not be able to do both simultaneously. So, if you're giving too many instructions too fast and these instructions are complicated and involve shifting between listening and looking, and if there's an emotional edge to what you're saying, too, that puts your jellybean's brain into free fall. It's like a computer crash.

The best way to cope is to deal with them, and trust me they need dealing with. TSUNAMIS are DANGEROUS. It's as though we lose control and although we may be sort of aware of what we're doing we just can't stop. As a parent you really do need to alert everyone to Tsunami-spotting and try to stop it before it runs its full course. It comes on in waves, sometimes out of nowhere, and CAN be halted in the first wave, which lasts about 20 to 30 seconds, but after that it's as if we're drowning under successive storming and crashing waves of panic, fury, frustration. Our brains go down under it all. It's a very scary experience, for us, as well as anyone who may be around, and WE NEED HELP PLEASE!

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP - WITHIN THE FIRST 20 SECONDS

1. Speak to us and tell us firmly and in a single word that we are getting out of control. WHISPERING to us is best!! We DON'T LIKE SHOUTING! Even if we are doing it ourselves!!

2. DON'T TOUCH US!! !! !! Touch puts us into even more overload.

3. Don't give us a lecture - we can't HEAR.

4. Leave us alone, let US have the last word.

5. LET US RUN, if necessary, out of the door, upstairs to the bedroom or to lock ourselves in the bathroom.

6. When we emerge SAY NOTHING about it, ignore us when we reappear, we are probably a bit sulky still so let us be. We will communicate with YOU when we are ready.

WHAT CAN THE TEACHER IN THE CLASSROOM DO?

1 Don't Panic. Speak clearly and firmly - just one word is best.

2 Distract the jellybean with something that they are good at. SUBTLY

3 Remove the jellybean from the classroom with one adult to a quieter more private area.

4 Allow the child to STIM and don't crowd them, just be kind and keep them SAFE.

5 Allow the child to let off steam physically, allow them to RUN and run and run, the playground being preferable to the school car park.

6 Reassure and stay in the background. The child will wind down.

7 Don't threaten with anyone or anything. Always use a quiet soft tone and the word SSshhhhhhhhhhhhh. IT IS FRIGHTENING for us too! We are scared, PLEASE BE KIND TO US. WE CAN'T HELP IT.

Finally on Tsunamis, DON'T TOUCH. Unless you are invited to, try and avoid the temptation of hugging a distressed jellybean, even when you think its safe, it MAY NOT BE!

Somebody needs to mass-mail that to teachers with autistic students...

Where'd the jellybean thing come from?

thanks for telling me about your site, jelibean. I read a few of the articles and the stimming information is very useful! I've been wondering what qualifies as stimming since everyone has nervous habits, and it was a nice breakdown. I'm also more convinced than ever that my dx'd NLD kid is actually AS. I'm still working on getting an appointment with his psychiatrist.

thank you everyone for your feedback. I hope the mother will get the information she needs when she takes her daughter in for assessments, which it sounds like she's still planning on doing eventually but is "too busy" and says her daughter is doing fine so it seems it's not urgent to her.

I wish my son had had a dx at the age of 6, which is right before his really difficult challenges started. the last 7 years of his life probably would have been much different.

It comes from here Callista......we just find it a kinder term and it for us more appealing!! We call NT's marshmallows otherwise they get jealous!!

This is from our website

Imagine a sweet shop, you know, one of those really old fashioned ones, the ones with a bell that rings as you open the door, the shopkeeper with his white pinny on, standing behind the counter, guarding the array of jars that line the shelves - the smell, colour and variety of those jars, scores of different types. Standing proudly in the centre are two jars, side by side, one full up to the rim of the lid with jellybeans, and the other full of marshmallows. Both jars are appealing and eye-catching for different reasons.

Jellybeans are a rainbow of colours, different sizes and shades, but more importantly very different flavours (pina colada is a personal fave of mine). Jellybeans are renowned for their brittle outside shell, but with that soft melting chewy bit in the centre. They're unpredictable, you never know quite what you have till the flavour has taken over your taste buds, by which time, it's too late, if you find you don't like it and want to spit it out.

Marshmallows, however, all appear similar, pink and white fluffy neat shapes that don't really taste of very much except a comforting sweetness. Marshmallows are enjoyable and they're squishy, popping back into shape easily. Dip your hand in a bag of marshmallows and you're pretty sure of what you're going to get. You can eat them for ever.

Likening people to jellybeans and marshmallows is easy and fun. It takes a very personal issue and makes it impersonal, therefore eliminating any blame, and any of those confusing labels that these experts pin on us and our children. I felt my children were like little jumping jellybeans, colourful, tasty, and different. They each had their shimmering shells, and there were surprisingly jelly-like and uncertain little hearts and minds inside that bright thin shell.

But what about the NT friends my children had? They were fluffy, as squishy on the surface as they were inside, they were flexible, adaptable, and never pretended to be anything other than what they really were. I saw them as the same as most people, always managing to stay on the straight and narrow most of the time, never causing many problems. They knew how to march in an unwavering line to the beat of their own rhythmic drum, unlike the jellybeans who just bounced around in and out of the parade, not really knowing where they were or why, or where they were headed for. The Marshmallows played trombones and flutes and tubas and drums and could read and follow the music and the band leader. The Jellybeans played bazookahs, those whistles you buy at carnivals, and the odd saucepan and wooden spoon, and came in making a noise at all the wrong times, even when there was just the quiet of marching feet. Marching Marshmallows and Jumping Jellybeans were born.

I figured out that using these characteristics, we could all identify with one or the other Mind Type. It was possible to liken candy characteristics to personality traits. Try it for yourself if you dont believe me, you may be surprised at what you find.

How many of you are now are able to identify that actually, Aunt Pauline has been a jellybean all along? Every family should have a jellybean: it makes for some very interesting family occasions. My family was no exception - 'welcome to the mad house' was a familiar saying. Family traditions that we thought normal, were in fact anything but. I'm fast finding out that indeed our little idiosyncrasies occur in many homes throughout the world. Do they occur in yours?

Because I'm a jellybean, I have to be careful not to repeat myself. I should have a PhD in repetition, also I'm not great at understanding other people's rules, especially when they change all the time. Talking of rules, I'm also pretty fantastic at making up my own, because I know I need them, then finding them too difficult, so I end up breaking them anyway. Even simple rules are breakable to a jellybean - ten items in the basket earns you a place in the short queue, brilliant, as I hate queues, for me stretches to twelve, maybe even fifteen, oops, will she notice, do you care? Look dumb, thats the best trick, or even better, if you happen to have designer hand-luggage in the shape of a red jellybean child, blame him! Ringing bells yet?

As a closet jellybean, life is very difficult, after all what is the point of having a bouncy personality if you can't bounce safely? Trouble is that when jellybeans are confined for any length of time, they tend to jump all over the place at the first opportunity, kind of letting the dog out of the door before putting him on the lead. "Coming out" as a jellybean, for me, has been nothing short of exhilarating. I can only imagine what a free fall parachute jump feels like, and I'm very happy to rely on that. Thank you to all those with a plane who would love nothing more than to throw me out, but the freedom that the jumper must surely experience, together with the rush of all those feel-good brain chemicals, is what I'm feeling, the only difference being that actually I now know I am totally safe being myself, and its a feeling that doesn't end, ever.

To anyone now thinking that they indeed are part of the jellybean tribe, please accept it, just sit back and take a deep breath, as I did, and embrace it. Are you a jellybean too? If so then welcome. If you are a kindly marshmallow who is observing our world and perhaps has a jellybean or two in your life, then welcome too. But please note an important fact -jellybeans will never turn magically into marshmallows, and marshmallows will never turn into jellybeans. Different brain wiring and different brain chemistry is just that. It's different. It remains different. What I've observed, though, in myself and in my kids, is that there are some very negative jellybeans and some very negative marshmallows. We're not going to turn into the other kind of sweet, but we can change ourselves from the negative type, which really tastes bad, into the positive type which always gives everyone pleasure.

I really do believe from my own experiences, that the Jellybean tribe is far bigger than we could ever have expected. I'm so delighted, for I really believe that the world would be a far less colourful place without us. Lets face it, how many of our best-loved celebrity personalities are jellybeans? Television has become a shop-window for jellybeans. I'm sure you won't have to think too hard about our mad lovable soap characters, our pop stars and comedians, presenters, chat show hosts, actors and actresses, the list goes on and on. Look around your office, your home, your local pub, there will always be a jellybean fairly close.

And most of them are pretty special, aren't we?

But of course, I would say that!
http://www.jelibean.com/ladder/index.ph ... &Itemid=28

And thanks very much bhetti for all your comments, I am so glad you liked our website, it is a bit different!!