What AS trait causes you to suffer the most?

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Social Interaction. Exclusively. I don't have any real problems with anything else on the list.

I'm the opposite! I generally make no impression at all, like I'm invisible (on my gravestone I want "Here lies....sorry what was your name again?). Occasionally I make a really bad first impression . So typically Aspie in that despite being one of the most honest, easy-going, humorous people I've ever met, I get accused of being "shifty", "up to no good", "untrustworthy" and "dull and boring". Quite often, if people are forced kicking and screaming over that hurdle (ie they have no possible escape from me) and eventually get to know me better, they'll say "I used to think you were really unfriendly/hostile/boring etc, but now I know you're OK...". Most never get to that stage though.

Like you, I have little idea what causes people to react like this. I imagine I must appear very nervous and anxious when meeting new (and even not-so-new) people. Which makes perfect sense given a lifetime experience of making a bad impression in such circumstances.

The ignorance of the people of mainstream society, who think that they're better than anybody who's different, due to having neurological differences, a different personality, or both. I don't suffer from AS itself.

I also suffer from my past.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 26 Aug 2009, 6:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Same here

For me there is something that is just out of phase with everybody else. I'm not hideously ugly and am always very polite and courteous. I do everything exactly the way it is supposed to be done and it all comes out wrong. When I ask people what I did wrong they just give me a weird look and say "I don't know but I don't like the way you did it even though I don't know what you did wrong."

I somewhat agree with this feeling about you. Maybe because you're "too nice" one moment and "too oblivious" the next...



if there's anything ManErg could never be if he tried, it's dull or boring.



This is true about me too.

Objectively, probably the social impairment in person.

Subjectively, the need for routine to function [outside of my interest] and the sensory processing disorder would be equally debilitating to me.

Easily social... I have very few friends (All NT), and it seems any time I get very focused on something at all, or forget something minor, or have trouble making a decision, or... well, let's just say I run into it a lot... They always take it very personally.

A recent example. I've been working on a new routine for my children, a chore chart with a reward system and everything-so we took a week (I told our friends it could be up to 2 weeks until it becomes more of a habit/routine) to get it going.

I was confronted the other night, with my friend telling me she's been sad since we haven't been seeing one another, her daughter (who plays with my kids) thinks we don't like them anymore, and she was pretty much calling to find out what they did wrong.

I tried over and over, explaining we just want it to be routine, it has nothing to do with them, etc. etc. But that doesn't help the fact that they are feeling bad.

Now, I'm a pretty empathic person when it comes to stuff like this-partially because they didn't do anything, and I know too well the feeling of someone up and not talking to me much leaving me wondering what I did wrong.

I came across rather... emotionless in explaining all of this, maybe in an attempt to try to make it sound just very matter of fact so she wouldn't worry so much. You know, like "this is what is going on, this is just how it has to be until they get into the routine, etc.", but of course that didn't work out well. The "good-bye" was quickly after that.

I just think anything I do, and any time I take for myself, with all of the time I put into my children, winds up effecting someone and they always think I want nothing to do with them. There is no way around it. So I'm constantly either overwhelming myself and spending time with them so they know they aren't doing anything wrong, or focused on our household and am entirely anti-social. There is no in between.

I really really really wish emotional aspects would not get involved (though of course, it's going to happen no matter how hard I wish), because things would be so much easier if I could just say what is going on and have an "oh, okay" response, rather than anyone taking anything personally. I know they take time for themselves, but to do that for me, I have to schedule it in, which means half hour less time doing other things and all.

Everyone wants me to take care of my family and self first, but all I hear when someone has an emotional reaction to me doing these things is "me me me", and I immediately try to figure out how to schedule them into things too.

I wish most people really did realize how high maintenance relationships in general are, how stressful they can be for us. But they don't-they just do these things automatically and get offended when others don't adhere to the "social code" when it comes to these things.... either that, or I just wish they didn't take it personally ultimately, because that would solve a lot of our social problems I think.

While I selected social interaction (for reasons very well covered by Greentea and others), need for routine has been a barrier to a lot of fun and adventure that I would otherwise have had. I love adventure racing and volunteer at such events (I'm good at logistics), but what I would really like to do is crew for a team. I have done this in a limited way, but I just can't be hardy enough to skip meals and sleep. Over the years I have tried just about everything to counter these needs, but I seem to be bound to mealtime and bedtime and get sick as a dog if I screw with my body's schedule. Not a big thing to anyone else, but causes regret and a little shame to me.

Not sure what trait or traits it is - whatever it is that keeps me from coping with living in same home as my wife and therefore needing my own place.

i choose u sosial interaction !

Need for routine perhaps... I need a routine, but I don't have one... that classifies as suffering I guess.

I've been dealing with the same problems my entire life. It's like nothing can be done right socially. Nobody has any advice on how to fix it, we just did it wrong and nobody has any advice for how to fix it. It's even worse when they demand we fix it or to go to an extent of punishing us for it. It's absolutely insane.

I tend to talk about myself way too much. Also, my parents constantly remind me not to stare at people, although I feel as, due to the fact that it takes me a bit longer to visually process others, I feel as if I somewhat can't help it.

Yes, that feeling, too. Really, after years of observing, I'm still clutching at straws trying to figure out exactly what causes this. On occasions when I've asked somebody what the problem is, they avoid answering, so I don't bother any more.



Yes, the superficial 'niceness' is merely a smokescreen to hide my secret world domination schemes.

As for 'oblivious', well... I'll get back to you on that.....

I voted social interaction, but I guess I should have voted other but I'm not sure. My anxiety is what I suffer from the absolute most, but even if I didn't have anxiety it wouldn't improve my social skills much I don't think.

My anxiety is completely irrational and I don't know why I feel so sick from it or it's from not knowing what to expect, change, etc. Apparently anxiety can be a symptom but I'm not sure if this is separate or not.

I don't think anxiety is a direct symptom of AS in the DSM, so you voted right.

ManErg, I did say "maybe", though! Before I saw your photo I was sure you must be extremely physically ugly not to have all women panting after you all the time. Now that I saw your photo, I'm puzzled, I don't know what to think.