Aspie son just left fist-sized hole in our hallway wall

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i remember one day when i was still in high school i realized my mom went through back pack (my room and back pack were my own personal space i didn't let anyone enter without my permision.) and i got so mad i went to my room and started to punch my door until there was a hole big enough to fit my head through. not proud of it, but atleast i can never remember a time when i took my anger out on someone else and this was a rare case.

now if there is one thing that scares me the most in this world it is my anger. when i was a child my temper was bad. when my parents were still married i lived in a very disfuntional house. parrents argued all the time (mainly with how my dad handled the kids, probably mostly me) my dad used to hit me, and probably other thing happened that i blocked out. but my parents got divorced when i was 8 and my temper did gradually get better. over the years i have learned to control my anger on my own. the last fight i ever was in was the second grade. after a while only times i got truely pissed off was around familly. and now it has been a few years since i have been truely pissed off period. all threw out middle school and high school when i was being heavily teased and bullied i never once lost my temper, voice, or even control. i managed to take what they said, and then when when i was away from them i just slowly let it go. with my family i learned what not to do and say to stay out of arguments. not exactly healthy what i do with my family, but in the end it is the lesser of the two evils. better then screaming at each other all the time. now i don't know if this is health or not, but after the years of me being scared of my anger and trying to control it i think i have develouped a mental block from being truely pissed off any more. only ones that might be able to get me to that point any more is my family, but like i said it has been a while since they have.

are my techniques completely health? maybe, maybe not, but it is the best i've got and i don't think i'm building up inside so i'm happy to take it.

Well, is HE violent? What he did wasn't THAT violent. And HEY, he didn't touch YOU. If he MAY need sleep, politely remind him. If you want him to get off the computer, give him a time in the future. It IS kind of rude to just say "you need sleep, get off the computer and go to bed.".

As for it being AS? It may be partially. I am far from violent also, but it can build up. If I blow up, I may act like HE did. Anyway, I never hit anyone without them hitting ME a lot.

I have known all kinds of teenagers who have punched holes in walls. How can this be an Aspie thing? My neighbor got mad at his dad punched a huge hole in the wall and had to repair it himself and he isn't an Aspie. Do you realize how many teenagers punch holes in things? This is not uncommon behaviour. Sounds like an anger management issue. You can try what my neighbor's parents did, and when he's calm, get his father to make him repair the hole himself. That's how the neighbor handled it, and the holes became fewer and farther between.

IMO it (punching a hole in the wal)l is completely unacceptable. Those of you saying "Well, you know, that's what teenage boys do." sound like the same kind of guys who beat their wife & then say "Well, you know, she had it coming. She was out of line."

Unacceptable.

What's done is done though & I would not counter the anger with more anger. Today I would sit him down & explain to him why it was wrong, why that kind of behaviour is unacceptable in a civilized world and what he can expect to have happen if it ever happens again. Work with him on, so you both agree how it should be handled in the future if it's really important that he does what you say. A five minute buffer, whatever. Something you can both live with. Then stick to it. Aspies understand rules, correct? : )

Oh yeah. Make him fix the wall. But do it with love. He probably feels like a dick for acting that way. Good luck.

Classic meltdown.

I have slammed my bedroom door so many times during meltdowns, that it broke the wood frame.

I did that last month. I never did stop this, although it happens a lot less. I have a fresh supply of wall mesh and putty on stand by, as well as paint the colours of all my walls. It's an understatement to say "I can get angry at times".

My brother put a hole in the wall once when he was in high school because one of his friends used his electric razor to shave his pubic hair. My parents made him fix the hole but it sure took him months to finally have it done. My parents had to buy the stuff that would fix the hole. And this man is "NT."

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 02 Sep 2009, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

: ). Reminds me of the scene in "Step Brothers" where the one guy rubs his you know what's on his brother's drum set. : )

Of course it's no different from beating your wife... with the tiny exception that it hurts no one unless you happen to bruise your fist. (That was sarcasm.)

It may not be ideal, but it is far from unacceptable. The boy should be assigned the task of fixing the hole, and probably of paying for the materials used to fix it, of course. And a serious conversation needs to be had--when everyone is calm--with the goal of finding a solution for letting out frustration in a safer way.

my son is 13 and gets a lot of pent up frustration at times. it's especially bad when his dad or a school-mate has been picking on him. the computer is our issue as well. I've learned that it helps to tell him he needs to get off at a certain time, well beforehand.

also, working on communicating back if he feels like he needs to finish something. if it's only going to take 5-10 minutes then I let him.

once my husband (not kid's dad) gave my son a block of wood, a hammer and a box of nails and told him next time he feels like he wants to hit something, pound the nails into the wood. it worked. over a few sessions the block was filled with nails. my son said he accidentally hit his thumb a few times which sucked but it was better than hitting someone.

We're going to disagree on this one. The violence is as real if he's slugging the wall as it is if he is hitting his mother. The message he is sending is "Leave me the hell alone or you're going to get it next!!".

No one is hurt? Ask his mom. How do you think she feels about it?

Unacceptable

god i wish i had a dad or father figure like that in my life. never had a father figure or role modle in my life. yes my dad is in my life, but he has never been a father to me in my opinion.

I've done it. I usually feel really stupid afterward though since the walls in my house are like hard as cement.(not like our new Chinese drywall.) Lucky to not break my hand.

I've always had an explosive temper though. I'm relatively calm until the flip switches and go to a 10 on an anger scale. I use to be a lot worse when I was like 11 or 12.

having been the one who gets punched, I'd much rather a man exercise some self control and not hit me. there's actually a pretty huge difference between hitting a person and breaking something. taking actions against a thing can be redirected into healthier outlet over time, but in times of high stress making the choice to NOT HIT a person by hitting a wall is, IMO, preferable. my daughter bites her pillow and screams into it when she gets really angry. I'm happy she's not biting me. when she calms down, we talk.

I'd say it's him being tired talking. I tend to get very angry when I'm sleepy/hungry and so into something that I don't notice. It passes very quickly though, can I stop myself from breaking things for two-three minutes it usually disappears and are being replaced with the correct emotion.[/quote]

that and him being 13 doesn't help.

I'd say it is an AS related thing. We have one HELL of a powerful rage on us when triggered. Not all of us are prone to those meltdowns, but a good proportion are.

I have:

- pounded a dent in a car door with my fist. Amazingly, I did not fracture my hand.

- smashed in my computer screen with my fist...I loved that computer otherwise.



Agreed. It's FAR better to discharge that rage on an object than possibly lose control to the point that you hit a person. Objects don't feel pain.