Do you have more social anxiety around girls or guys?

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The guys I hang around are funny and weird and creative. We play with puppets and dress up in costumes and write crazy songs. Most of the girls who hang around..tend to yabber about having their nails done and whatnot.

You just succinctly summed up my hellish existence from age 5-18. Boys bullied me throughout that era, too, but their abuse was mainly physical: tripping me in school hallways, shoving me, and the like. Rougher girls were physically abusive as well, but overall, girls' sinister tactics were mainly psychological/emotional.

Overall, I get along much more easily with males of all ages. I feel that I can talk freely with them, their interests and mine are more closely aligned, and I feel like they speak their minds more frequently, rather than relying on intuitive cues and "games." I have nothing in common with females. When I was younger, I actually went through bouts of wishing that I'd been born male - not because I have any romantic or sexual interest in females (I'm a gay boy trapped in a girl's body, after all ), but because it just would've been so much easier. I'm simply not interested in anything that's stereotypically "female" (save for makeup and a handful of other things, but I don't think those count ).

Ummmm...can I move in with you lot? Please?

Mostly girls, I feel so much more at ease with boys (well as much at ease as a shy person can be). Alot of my friends have been younger, geeky/awkward boys and the girl friendships don't last as long or tend to be a bit on/off.

Same here, all of my 4 NT friends are very awkward.

Girls because they are more intimidating and being attracted to some always makes it worse. Still, my social skills are generally bad no matter who the person is.

I'd say I do better around girls if I had to choose. I don't really know why.

I have it with neither.

Socially... more anxiety around guys I think. I have more female friends.

HOWEVER

If I find a woman attractive... OMG! I lock up and require a reboot. I have a terrible case of love shyness.

Cripes, ditto. People assume that I'm after a dude because I laugh and joke playfully with him; newp. If I really like a guy (in "real life") I can't talk to him or look him in the eye.

Incidentally, I have terrible social phobia; I have to force myself to talk to people and make/maintain eye contact. It gets easier with familiarity, though, I've found. In the case of gym members with whom I interact regularly, I can probably pretty much pass as "normal" (if a bit shy or "awkward").

It makes no difference. It would be like trying to discern between a category 4 hurricane and a category 5 hurricane. Catastrophic either way.

Yes, this was me, and to some extent still is. The interests of so many 'normal' women seem to center round looks, fashion and diets, and being catty about one another, that I really don't feel comfortable with them.

I've always had more male friends, and I've had some cool times hanging around with groups of guys. Generally I've found them to be less judgemental than women, and guys will confide in you as a woman friend in a way they might not with their male friends. They've also tended to be more likely to be into the geeky, artsy kind of stuff I'm interested in (at least in the rather conventional areas I've lived in; things might be different in a bigger urban center).

However...the picture was always a bit different when I was actually looking for a boy-girl relationship...the guys I was interested in didn't want to know, and the guys who were interested in me seemed to have a very different approach from my male friends. Much less straightforward, more out to impress, more 'I'm in charge here' - more male male and in some ways, less human. The saddest irony was that there were times when I'd have been friends with a guy for a while, realized that he meant rather more to me than just a friend, confessed it to him and seen him utterly shocked. Very often, it would turn out that the type of girl they wanted as a girlfriend was the diametric opposite of the kind of girl they'd be 'just friends' with: a guy with whom I'd shared night-long conversations about philosophy would end up with a date whose biggest existential dilemma was what color shoes to wear.

I'd like to think that this is a younger men's thing, because as I've gotten older I've found that there are men who want the girl they love to be their best friend as well: I eventually married one. But I'm guessing this might be how a number of NT women I've known have ended up with a partner they have very little in common with, and both of their social lives are centered round their same-sex friends.

I have lots of social anxiety around girls, i don't know why but if people around me see that I talk and act weird, I'd rather let a guy find out that I am weird rather than a girl. I googled this by the way in case anyone wonders why the last post was from Sept 4/09.

I wasn't sure if I could even say that I have social anxiety at all, so I found this test and took it before responding. Sheesh! It seems to think I have "severe" social anxiety. I'm not sure, though. Mostly I avoid things because they make me uncomfortable, but I'm not convinced that what I'm feeling is always anxiety. Confused I'll post that link and my results at the bottom, but first to answer the question about males and females:

In general, I'm less anxious around men. That's a pretty broad generalization, though, and maybe not entirely true. I think mostly it boils down to the fact that I'm more comfortable around people who I feel like I can relate to a bit. I'm not comfortable with my peers, because most other middle-aged moms around here have careers, big houses, a mini-van which they shuffle their kids back and forth to endless after-school activities in, and talk about "American Idol" and "Sex in the City" (or whatever people are watching nowadays). I'm not saying those things are bad or wrong, but they are foreign to me. I guess I'm most comfortable around geeky engineers, who tend to be male. The problem with men is that they have wives, so you have to be on guard not to look like you're flirting. I never am flirting, but I tend to go from saying too little, to all of a sudden blurting out my life story, and I'm not sure how that comes across. I've had people misread me.

Whatever.


http://asp.cumc.columbia.edu/SAD/

Your Score: 92...

Score 90 or higher SAD extremely probable
Scores in this range often are accompanied by great distress and difficulty in social functioning, and are also commonly seen in persons entering treatment for the generalized type of SAD.

i have more social anxiety around women...and yet I am one.

I find the unspoken subtleties of female group dynamics beyond me and I perceive that realm as shark territory to be avoided wherever possible.