Have you ever tried to change people?

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I believe people can change if they want to change. Tha's why I couldn't change my ex's or get my first one to stop being lazy and start being responsible and stop making up excuses. Then the funny thing my ex said to me on the phone was "You gave up on me."

What? But he refused to cooperate so now he says I give up on him? Geez this man really is an idiot. Maybe it was one of his games again he was playing and he was trying to make me feel guilty manipulate me but it didn't work. I said I am not going to spend the next twenty five years working with him and he refuses to listen. Then he brings in kids and I said that's different because you're supposed to help your kids before they reach adult hood but helping an adult, it's expected he acts like one than a big kid. I did try to help him but he refused to cooperate and follow my solutions. Then he was calling himself a screw up after I dumped him which didn't make any sense. I figured he was just being a loser but my mom said it's normal to feel that way when you get dumped.


I heard it's harder to teach adults than kids because as an adult, you are in your bad habits and when someone decides to change it, it's like someone is taking something away from you and you aren't used to it so it's hard to change. It's the same with older kids too when you have let them do things and then you decide one year they needed to stop so you try and step in and tell them they can't do this anymore. It be tough to get them to stop. My cousins had a hard time not taking candy off of shelves without paying for it because their mother always let them do it. That's why when people adopt, they want a baby, not an older child because they want a child they can screw up, not a child that has already been screwed up by other people.

I wonder if my ex was even given responsibilities as a kid or his parents have always done things for him than making him do them himself? He did tell me his mom didn't spend time with him growing up so he was always left alone and had to keep himself company. I even wonder what kind of help he got growing up since he had ADHD? My mom says people probably did try to help him but he probably has a mental illness where he gets an idea in his head and sticks with it and doesn't change it so it was impossible for teachers to help him and teach him skills. But that was just her assumption. My ex would get an idea in his head and stick with it. He even though our gov. kills people and he hires someone to do it and they keep quiet about it. I asked him how does he know that and he said it was common sense and people disappear all the time and are never found so it's obvious.

A psychologist told me a nice phrase:

Once a snake, always a snake.

It seems to be true in my experience.

This isn't really changing people, but...

I have this weird urge to go to some town in East Texas (say, Lufkin, Nacogdoches, etc.) , and streak across the entire town.

When I read the title of this thread, I immediately thought of the Sarah Silverman show when she changes ALL of her friends into NEW friends that she just picks up one day at the park. It was hilarious!

I know that wasn't the intent of the post though.

When I read the title of this thread, and the original post, I misread it as changing oneself into a different person. I thought about the different people I've been in my life, and how I'm trying to change myself now. And I was a bit disappointed the thread was about changing other people.

I shall start a new thread about changing persona, see if that word works...

I do not see the point in changing people if you like the person in the first place why would you try and change that person.

I think the only way to change someone is tell that person what they are doing is bothering you and tell them you don't think you can live like this if they keep it up. So that will give them a choice in saving the relationship by changing or just go "Ah screw you you, we'll just break up." If that person did decide to change, you didn't really change him or her, that person decided it himself because that was how much he cared about you.


I remember telling my ex I was starting to think about breaking up with him and told him why and he was cool with it. He didn't seem to care if we break up or not because obviously I wasn't that important to him and our relationship but when I did finally break up with him, he fell into deep depression. I thought he was maybe bluffing when he acted cool about it but when I started a thread about that one day here, I got told men hide their true feelings and he didn't think it was going to happen and when it did, he thought "Damn, she was serious."