What to do when someone doesn't like you?

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If someone doesn't like me, I do have to wonder why, as most times I never do get the reason. I find out both firsthand and secondhand. Firsthand from those who are outspoken. Secondhand from people I know that know the quieter ones.

I had a real problem trying to determine what was going on in the minds of the quiet ones. They seemed disaffected or indifferent. I even learned to detect quiet hostility. It just sort of radiated from some of the less-outspoken ones. These people were never nice to me, but usually did not speak to me, and if they did their responses were short and either clipped or lacking in emotion.

What really baffled me was people who I didn't know that took an instant dislike to me, seemingly even before we met.

I always want to clear up misunderstandings, but for the most part if someone doesn't like me, that's it.

But it's a little hard to take when pretty much 100% of the opposite gender behaves that way.

The best way to become a bullied doormat is to try harder with people who don't like you - I speak from lifelong, excruciating experience.

I don't like upsetting people. I upset my Psychology teacher and to this day would give ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO APOLOGIZE TO HER!

That was a big problem with me in college - word quickly spread that I was "weird" and "obsessive" and I guess people told each other to STAY AWAY. I attended the same college as my husband, and I had him report back to me whenever he overheard me come up in a conversation, and I was quite shocked to find out that people I had never spoken to already disliked me. Needless to say I made very few friends there.

Yeah, what is it about people and not just disliking someone for no good reason, but that they gotta tell the whole world about the person? I don't get it.

People also dislike someone for lame reasons. It can be because someone is "weird" or too different. They don't like that they are very smart so they dislike that person for it, they may dislike someone for being too innocent or naive. Or it can because that person has a fetish the person dislikes that person because of it. Sometimes people will dislike you for over an argument or misunderstanding or being corrected by you or it can be over an opinion you have they didn't like.

If Im 'trying' to do the right thing and if isn't good enough for them , I dont extend any further .
Over time this manages to either break down their opinion or they feel intimidated when their first impression wanes and they distance.

They tend to judge by surface beauty anyway , if they didn't then they would 'watch' you over time and gradually form an opinion.
What you do overall is what counts and not the method.
A lot people(if not most) are enamored by the 'forms' and miss the* function* .

So true. Give them charm and not kindness.

1. Be nice to people.

2. Try to be "friendly."

People will either like you or not (same for NTs). If someone doesn't take a liking to you, move on. Spend your energy meeting those who are more compatible with your personality than others.

I agree. It's better to move on and seek companionship elsewhere than to try and convert enemies into friends. Life's too short.

I have problems with this too. I tend to find out secondhand.

Tell them to join the club.


Off subject:
Sati, your avatar is so beautiful. So simple yet beautiful. Did you do it?

that's what I have to tell people who don't like me, indeed! Biggest club in the world, they'll be joining!

Thank you. I didn't make it - I actually have no idea where I found it, I save images of purple cats whenever I come across them. This is the full size image.

Quoting Sati:

I save blue cats. In fact, my first avatar on WP was a blue cat. That little rascal got me into lots of trouble. I was kind of clueless when I first came to WP, but it was the little blue cat that was to blame, not me.



And this one I created myself on Paint:

from what most people i know tell me i'm fairly likable. so it's unusual for someone to have an instant dislike of me. they may over time come to dislike me, which i've been told is probably because i intimidate them. my stoic nature is disconcerting to some people. they want me to react in ways that i'm just not capable of.

i've never really worried about people who don't like me. i don't expect to be liked though it seems i often am. i don't think of myself as particularly charming or interesting, and these characteristics make people likable. i don't like everyone i meet, so i see no reason to expect that every one who meets me will like me.

i mostly attempt to have as little interaction with persons whom i don't like and i assume that anyone who is blatantly avoiding me is doing so for the same reason. i rarely provoke hostility from people i meet but when i do my lack of reaction usually tips them off to the fact that their anger is wasted on me.

on rare occasion someone will incite my ire to such an extent that i tear them to shreds verbally; but as this happens only every few years and in response to extraordinary stimuli, this is not a reaction that i expect to receive from others. my actions are primarily aimed at being inoffensive.