My Aspie son has threatened to kill me.

Post Reply New Topic

As far as I can tell his mother is only asking for the barest of civility & order in her house, which she is not only entitled to, she would be a poor parent if she didn't ask for it.

Her son has no right to impose his problems on the rest of the house. Yes adjustments and accomodations can and should be made (by his mother), but adjustments need to be made on his side as well. He is not the king. He is an unemployed 13 year old living in his moms house. Again, he needs to get his act togther. Do you think the real world/living on his own will be easier than living with his mom? Holding a job? Dealing with roomates and neighbors?

This is one of the things that scares me about the possibility of having kids of my own. If I don't have any, it's just me and I don't have to worry about this.

Perhaps your son has been testing at the edges, swearing or minor misbehaving, and you didn't discipline him, so this is an escalation of that and he doesn't think it's a big deal? Someone I know was very disrespectful of her mother, and I'm not sure what, if anything the mother did about it, and the situation ended up with the kid moving out, dropping out of high school, and getting pregnant.

I guess I really don't have a good answer. Being a parent is hard, even from a secondhand point of view.

quote scorpileo

"at 13 i was that kid i speak from my knolegde"

So because he's AS your big solution is to let the kid do whatever he wants & his mother & siblings should just live in fear?

No offence, but your age is showing. He can do whatever he likes (within the laws of society) when he has job & his own place. Till then he's got to stop acting like a jerk.

The boy needs help, but run-of-the mill Neurotypical-based counselling/therapy WILL NOT WORK and will probably only make things worse. You must find a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist who is familiar with AS and how to deal with it.

I'm seeing two types of responses here; There are the ones that sympathize with him, thinking that he's depressed and miserable and has no outlet, then there are the ones that say that he's a dangerous criminal who actually means to kill you. I don't think there's any way for anyone on this forum to know which one it is.
I think the frustration, feeling constantly criticized, and not being able to express his level of misery sounds entirely plausible.. I can certainly relate to it, looking back on that age. I certainly can't say for sure that that's the case here, though.
Everyone here keeps acting totally sure they know what's going on in his head, based on themselves or someone in their past. He's not any of us, or any of the people anybody here has known-- he's a different person, he's your son. So think about what everyone here said, but don't assume that because someone here said similar things at that age and didn't mean them, that it makes it certain that HE doesn't, but also don't assume that just because someone knew someone who tried to kill their parents, that he will.

Is there anybody that he trusts and feels able to talk to at all? That would be your best bet on figuring out what's going on and keeping both him and yourself safe. He needs somebody to be able to talk to where he doesn't feel like he's going to be attacked, but also doesn't feel like he has the right to attack. (I'm referring mainly to verbal attack when I say that..)

What the hell is wrong with people today? For crying out loud, talk to the boy and ask what the problem is, I'll bet you anything that it's school-related. If he don't talk, talk to his teachers or friends if he has any. After school-activity, everything. Find out what it is and start dealing with it. And tell him that saying things like that is not tolerated.

Why is people so incapable of talking to their kids?

As was said before, you've probably got 1 of two things going on:

1. Your son is becoming a psychotic killer who will attack you based on a whim. This typically is dealt with by large amounts of anti-psychotics, and a trip to the insane asylum.

2. Your son is incredibly stressed out, and is lashing out at anybody for anything because he has no other way to vent his frustrations.

My guess is that #2 is probably what is going on. As you have said before in previous posts, your son is having a huge amount of anxiety at school, and even left a hole in the wall because of it. He is being picked on, ridiculed, and is probably miserable. I can't speak for your son, but I know that my childhood was this way. I was stressed out, depressed, even considered suicide a few times because I was constantly harassed by my peers, teachers, and my mother. I also wanted several people dead. I wasn't a violent person, and never made any attempt to attack them, I just wanted them gone so that they would stop attacking me. Of course I didnt say this out loud because I knew I would get beaten for saying it. But it doesnt mean that I didnt think it.

What you might want to do is sit down with your son and have a talk about what is actually going on. Perhaps say something like, "You seem very stressed out lately, and whenever I ask you to do something, you respond with anger. I dont think that this situation is helping either you or me. I dont want you to be stressed out, and I dont like to be threatened. Perhaps we could talk about this and figure out why you are so stressed out, and how to help solve the problem. That way you can enjoy life more, and we can stop being at odds with each other."