Deceitful Aspergian?

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I was also a compulsive story teller....it was kind of an ocd thing...I have a cousin who died young who had similar traits...and I think he might have been an aspie.

I learned an important lesson when I was a kid.
- Tell the truth, have no one believe me and get in trouble
- Lie and maybe not get in trouble
- lesson: If you can push the blame on someone else.. lie away.

Too bad the above is a way of life for some of my co-workers.

I am working hard not to have my son learn the same lesson.

I never lied to hurt anyone..I just had all this stuff in my head and I didn't know what to do with it...and I felt so apart from everyone...like they were real and I wasn't...I was trying to relate to others...but all I had in my head was this imaginary nonsense...along with all the facts I collected.
Perhaps I was understimulated as a child.

The stealing was a weird little fix that would momentarily make me feel better...it was really hard for me to understand that it was wrong.

Once it finally set in, I was able to stop.

Funny thing is..I never stole from individual people...only small things from grocery stores and whatnot...and then later, it was thrift stores...I stole the thing I obsessively collected at the time....

But I was repeatedly falsely accused by my parents friends of stealing their child's things...and later on, as an adult I was again falsely accused of stealing somebody's prized stuffed animal from a party.

Guess I deserved that.

I think I might have been a bit more like that as a child had it not been for my mother. I was terrified I was going to jail over the gum incident and that was enough to convince me. It really scared me having to go into the store and telling the cashier I took the gum. I had no idea what would happen. I thought the police were going to take me to jail over it. When I asked my mom what would happen she just shrugged and said "people go to jail when they steal". It was one of the scariest moments in my life. I never stole anything after the gum incident until much later. I stole a couple of things only because I was, for a brief time, friends with people who shoplifted little things like makeup. Nothing too major, but when I did it too I felt just as scared as I did on the evening I stole the gum. The gum incident is still really vivid in my mind and I can remember all these little details about it, like the parking lot light and how it gave an eerie glow in the car.
When I was 16 I got caught shoplifting some makeup and had to go to Youth Crisis because of it.
I only stole as a way of strengthening my bond with others who were doing it but the anxiety I had about it was so bad, it wasn't worth it. It was only a couple of times, anyway. Now, of course, I would only do it in a desperate situation, no home, no job, no money and I would only take essentials like food. Then, I might have to take my chances, but I hope it never comes to that.
I used to tell stories too and I got in trouble for lying from time to time. I used to love making up stories while drawing pictures of horses and my Grandmother was surprised and in awe over how good the stories were.

As a child, I was quite capable of lying. I'm not really anymore. I stopped lying after an incident when I lied in a way that was blatantly obvious only after the fact; I imagine I was punished for it, but I don't remember the punishment, only that my mother explained that if you lie even only once or twice, then people won't know whether or not you're telling the truth, and might not believe you even when you are. I decided at that point that I would not lie again, and pretty much haven't.

I didn't steal as a child, at least not knowingly. One time I went with my mother and grandmother and siblings to a cucumber farm so we could pick cucumbers to make pickles. I found a very small cucumber that I thought was cute, and I put it in my pocket - not intending to take it, just because I liked it. I forgot it was there and we went to weigh the cucumbers we'd picked and pay for them. On the way back to my grandmother's place, I found the cute little cucumber in my pocket, and was distressed that we hadn't paid for it, so I'd stolen it by accident. I wanted us to go back and pay for it, but my mom said it was little enough that it wasn't worth while to go back for and the people at the farm wouldn't mind.

Having AS does not mean you cannot lie or be deceitful.

However, deception heavily depends on convincing others that you are telling the truth, and that depends heavily on the correct nonverbal cues. Most with AS have problems with nonverbal cues, so it's easier to just have a policy of total honesty.

My issue with being dishonest is mostly one of even if I can do it, I don't know how well others are convinced of my deception, so I'm very uncomfortable being less than totally honest with people. If someone doesn't want to believe the truth, I really could not care less in most cases.

You're not alone, I did that sorta crap myself. I remember a couple of times stealing candy out of the bins at the store and my Mom would ask where I got it and I'd lie and say someone gave it to me. One time I even stole a charm from someone and I lied and said I found it so I wouldn't have to give it back. I know it's awful, I'd never do these things now. I can't explain why I did it, maybe in part because I grew up with no money and couldn't buy things like other kids had. But I think alot of it was just getting away with doing it *shrugs*.

I have lied my way out of a few situations where telling the truth could have resulted in legal issues.
Definitely didn't like doing it either, one of those times demanded me to keep up the deceit and deception for more than 2 weeks, it was so stressful for me that I almost didn't return to college after that semester.

Those bins were so tempting. They had Brach's candy in them, individually wrapped, and small sacks to put them in. I remember the Butterscotches and those Neopolitan coconut chews. Caramels, too. I'm sure lots of kids must have taken candy out of them, one per visit.

My son rarely ever lies, although if you ask him if he's lying, he smiles like if he is lying, then gets mad if we don't believe him. He's very rule based, so lying would mean breaking a rule and he's also a pleaser, so lying would mean upsetting someone and he won't do that.

I, on the other hand, have taken things from stores. I have ripped a page out of a magazine and slipped it in another and bought that magazine. I have taken school supplies. I have even stolen $$ from my aunt so i could buy art/school supplies from the local drug store. I must have had a thing for markers and paper. But, i saw my cousin take something from and store and i made her take it back, but we didn't go to the manager, we just kinda unshoplifted it lol! Fine for me, but not for her. Go figure!

Once, i did a horrible thing. I stole a cabbage patch outfit from my friend. She couldn't find it and saw i had it, but nope, i said my mom bought it. She wanted to trade a different outfit for it and i agreed. This said outfit...i don't know how she believed me cause her granma handmade it for her doll!

ha ha dont give me thaT BS, when we are trained, aspies are good at deceit/lieing so yeah

you can always expect a lair to lie, even when they tell the truth its hard not to think its a lie
but an occasional liar goes unnoticed if you have a bit of skill

Did we met?

I don't think liar/honest is something so crucial in AS. Actually I lied a lot to mask my Spectrum-like behaviour (I'm going to get a DX now that I'm 27 because I only know that). I was trained to lie to mask my self. I'm also very very good at manipulating people. When I was younger I did it just to show up my will. Now I usually don't do it (unless I need a promotion at work or something like that, but actually "lieing to a liar is not bad").

That is sooo my son.

He tries to fib to avoid trouble, but he does not lie. When questioned, he folds.