My mother is in denial.

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I honestly don't think your options vanish if you get "labeled". If you don't need any extra assistance at school, there's not even any reason to get an IEP (in the US, it's an IEP, don't know what it is elsewhere; basically a document that lists educational goals and accommodations you get; lasts until age twenty or twenty-one... i think... and applies to public school kids). On the other hand, if you don't usually have significantly more trouble with anything than a neurotypical person, then it would be more likely that your AS is subclinical and not technically diagnosable (i.e., broader autism phenotype)...

Um, I guess what I'm trying to say is: If you're having a lot of trouble due to autism, then you could probably benefit from the extra help people with an official diagnosis get. If you're not having a lot of trouble, then it's most likely going to be only barely diagnosable, if at all (though it might've been obvious when you were younger, before you learned to cope). So the decision about whether to get a diagnosis is basically: Would I benefit from help? If so, then get a diagnosis. If you're doing fine, it's kind of doubtful whether you would get one if you asked.

I think there is a difference between having diagnosable autism, and having autistic brain structure and cognitive style. The autistic brain doesn't always come with an autism diagnosis, though it almost always does in early childhood; many kids lose their diagnosis, "growing out of" being obviously autistic enough to be diagnosed, but still have the different cognitive style... I'm going to guess there are a significant number of people like that here, actually; and for these people a diagnosis is probably a way to better understand themselves... Usually when a doctor makes a diagnosis he does it because he's trying to find a way to solve a problem; but with broader-autism-phenotype you don't actually have major problems to solve, and diagnosis isn't necessary.

BTW. It counts as a "major problem" if you are operating at average levels where you could be doing above-average, because whatever it is is holding you back. We still give reading help to the dyslexic guy who gets good grades because he's smart enough to memorize everything they say in class, right? 'Cause he could get even better grades if he could take advantage of the textbook.

As long as your mother truly accepts you for who you are, it shouldn't really matter whether or not she accepts you fitting a label.

My mother is so incredibly proud and supportive of me through the years and accepting of who I am. She knows (and has known for a long time) that I am different than most people. If I told her that I thought I was autistic, I guarantee you that she would be in denial.

You may see autism as an explanation for why are you the way you are, but the word "autism" to most people means "disabling disease." There is simply no getting around it. You can combat with education, but it will take decades before public opinion changes, if ever.

My guess is that she will eventually accept it in her own time and her own way. Pushing the issue probably won't speed things up any. Even a professional diagnosis may not really help. She's going to believe what she wants to believe.

A diagnosis isn't urgent, or even necessary if you're excelling in school. It would give you some clout if/when you decide to disclose your ASD to other people, but if they know you well enough, it's not really required.

You should focus on gathering information on ASD, and figuring out how ASD has impacted your life. As you learn more, and find more accurate language with which to describe your brain's inner workings, you may be able to reach through to your mother. It may not happen overnight, but gaining her perspective is important. She saw many things in your childhood that you have long forgotten, and may have had a rather hard time figuring out how to deal with it. She may feel guilty that you're the one telling her this, and not the other way around. Let her know that you're not angry or resentful.

If she ignores your words, that sucks, but at least you can use her as a research subject. Look for ASD in her and other family members, just keep whatever you find to yourself.

The more two people learn about each other, the more genuine their relationship can become.

Good luck!

It sounds like she just isn't even registering it as a possibility. Since you get good grades, she probably doesn't see any need to think about what might be "wrong with you" because there doesn't seem to be anything wrong. So she's just blowing it off as a silly little notion that will go away soon. That's what it sounds like, anyways.

I think some of the other replies are right, it doesn't sound like an issue that needs to be pursued. Maybe if you want to be treated a certain way in some individual situations, you could just explain the problem you have with the situation and how you wish she would treat you instead. It would probably make more sense to her than the whole autism thing.

Anyway, about the oral presentations.. yeah, there might be a speech class or two in your future. XD;; I did it, and it actually wasn't so horrible. (I found that the secret is to be funny, and keep things light and casual instead of trying to act professional or serious.) A looooot of people suck at speaking, so you won't be alone. (And people will be more focused on their own sucky speeches than on you.) That's why there's a class. Maybe you could explain your situation to your teacher though. But often you can get out of presentations pretty easily. Once I skipped out on class because there were "mandatory" speeches that day, and the school counselor caught me and told me that if it was really that big a deal, then no, of course it wasn't mandatory. And another teacher always let me do them in private. And that's without them even knowing about my diagnosis.

But yes, let it stew, let it stew. Autism is getting a lot of publicity these days, so it's definitely out there for her to potentially see.

If you relate to any articles about autistic individuals, getting your mother to read them might make the autism connection more credible and tangible to her. This worked for me with someone (but not my parents because I haven't told them about my diagnosis yet).

Here's a funny story for ya:

about 8-9 years ago, I found out that my Dad's biological family was gentile( yes, he was raised by a Jewish family).

I didn't figure my grandma( mom's mother) could handle it, as she always wanted me to marry Jewish...which I in fact will not be doing.

So I was talking with my Uncle recently, and he said "when you go into a room..people know you're different, there's just something about you: your Jewish soul"

My response was "Actually, it's that I'm Autistic"

Now...bear in mind that my Uncle is normally a very understanding, very cool guy to deal with.

His exact response was "WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!"

If you think I'm telling him that I'm only Half-Jewish now, forget it.

My point is, people can't deal with it; that's their problem, not yours.

Inasmuch as they always preach those PSAs about how cool it is to be you, and be unique..they'd rather you be a Stepford Wife at every turn.

Im a mom of two boys on the spectrum. One 6 with asperger's and the other is almost 3 with autism. When I watch a you tube video of parents an their kids I automatically was like thats my kids! I felt so many different feelings now Im happy and I know what my kids need and life is getting a little easier. My fiance, there father has asperger's too but he himself is in denial. Its very hard to explain to people that there really is something there going on. My whole family treats me like Im crazy even though I have DX for both my kids. I say give here time and maybe go to conseling with her, if you would do that. I would never want any differnt kids than what I got, they make life interesting, thats for sure!
Good Luck and if you ever have any questions for me just ask!

I just had a rough night. It was my sisters 21st and we went to this luxurious Chinese restaurant. The food was amazing, there were six courses actually, the problem was that there were 30 other people in the same room all at the same time. I knew about eight of them. The worst part was the cameras, they whipped them out and expected me to be in several photos, I could tell people were getting annoyed with me for not smiling, they shrugged me off when I told them that I CAN'T smile on demand and told me to "just do it this time". I had four people talking right over my head about me and photos all in an irritated voice while being loud. I had a meltdown... not large or anything, but it was a meltdown.

The rest of the night I had my mother slipping remarks to me like "I know this is excruciating for you" and "It's obvious you don't want to be here" as well as "just be happy for once". All in a nasty, condescending manner. On the way home she even slipped in for no reason that "I don't think that you'll keep up your routine when you go back to school", when I asked her why she just said "Because you wont, you hate school" as an answer. Why say that? There was no point.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that she obviously hasn't taken a word I said into her mind and expects me to be exactly like an NT. I HAVE asked her to stop putting me into social situations and she completely ignores it....

My father would be much more accepting but he would simply say "you worry too much".

Luckily that's the last party for a while...

EDIT: I was wrong, I mentioned it to him and he was actually quite understanding, he didn't say anything when I mentioned Autism but he's much more accepting of the fact that I'm not social.