INFP and ASD

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Okay, I searched around and dug this thread up because I have another question. Do you feel compelled to help people but also find that effort drains you?

INTP, here. Same as it ever was.

^ Does that mean yes? Sorry, I'm drained.

Erm, well, I *was* just barging into this thread with my irrelevant tuppence, as usual. Sorry.

But yes, I guess I do often feel compelled to help folks; whether or not I act on that compulsion is another story. It's inevitably draining, unless I'm helping out because I genuinely *want* to do so (for example: helping with holiday cooking/preparation, or taking care of one of my nephews for an hour or so in order to give my sis-in-law a bit of a break, etc.).

lol-actually I can think of someone around here who could use a little tuppence.
I added to this thread I started about ASD's and INFP because I'm curious about the "feelies" such as myself. When I mean help, I don't mean with the dishes, I mean being supportive of someone in a crisis.

Oh. Whoops.

Well, I'd *like* to be supportive - and I do try to - but I can only offer my "intellectualized" version of empathy/sympathy ("If this were happening to me, what would I hope someone would do or say in order to help?"). I guess I offer practicalities more than emotional support. I feel like any attempt on my part to "be" sympathetic will ring false, because I'm generally detached from the actual emotions involved. Sure, I feel fear, rage, and pain, but I don't/can't "identify" with others' emotions.

Case in point: I work at a gym; several months ago, a woman nearly fainted during a group exercise class. I was called to assist her, and to see if she needed medical treatment. I felt a rush of fear - would I know what to do? What if she was having a heart attack? The woman turned out to be fine; she'd felt lightheaded because she hadn't eaten any breakfast that morning. She was embarrassed and flustered; I "felt" nothing while helping her. I approached the situation "clinically" - I asked the woman if I could get her anything to eat or drink, or if she wanted me to call her an ambulance - and then felt really bad afterwards. A "normal" (NT) person in my place probably would have reassured her via a touch on the arm, or a lighthearted anecdote, or something. I'd felt no annoyance or ill will toward the woman, it's just that I'm so awkward around people I don't know well, that I feel like don't know how to *be* "soft"/kindly without serious effort. After the mini-crisis was over, I went back to my work elsewhere in the gym - and spent nearly an hour fighting a panic attack that threatened to go full-blown.

...

When I realized that my mother was going to die from ovarian cancer, the pain was so great that I truly wished that it would break my mind and body and kill me, because I couldn't endure it. I sobbed, in private, for months. So I'm definitely capable of "real" emotion. When Mom finally succumbed, though, I couldn't cry. At her calling hours, I was the sole dry-eyed person in the funeral home; because of this, one of my brothers called me a cold, unfeeling monster. He has no idea what it's like to have to live in my head.

I think I'm on the border between INTP and INFP. I test as INTP but I have some INFP traits as well such as being deeply bothered by cruelty and injustice in the world. I also have this emotional urge to side with the underdog in arguments rather then going strictly by logic.

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I don't always know what to do. But as to the point of my question, in the past I've had friends who were going through a hard time and needed a sounding board and I often ended up just feeling used. But anyway I was directing the question to other INFP's because I thought they would most likely understand the "caretaker" complex. I would be better off as a TP like yourself, but that's not how I'm built. Anyway, perhaps bringing it up was a mistake. I'm in mini shut down mode I think. Time to log out.

My latest post was a response to SINsister, marshall- but I know what you mean. What I'm talking about is suppose you have a friend who's going through a nasty divorce and needs a lot of comfort and needs for you to listen to them rant and rave about their pain. You want to because you genuinely care about your friend but you find the effort of being supportive leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted.

I haven't had that exact experience because I haven't had a friend be in such dire need, at least not in person. Usually I'm the needy one.

Strangely though this place can leave me emotionally exhausted, specifically certain thread topics that appear in the Haven. I've had to learn to avoid getting too deeply drawn into certain topics.

INFP emergency response to the rescue. I identify a million percent, what I have learned the hard way, is that not everyone who cries for help really means it. That same person can later become a victim of the Cry Wolf Syndrome, at which point the desperation of a drowning person can harm those who are only trying to help. This is where my patience and boundaries become pretzels. Sometimes garlic butter helps.

I'm INTJ (Masterming) and I know it's probably the most common between Aspie (I think it's something like 30% of Aspie vs. 1% of total population) the next one is INTP (Inventor) with 20% of Aspie. Actually my wife (I suspect she is Aspie too) is INFP (Idealist) like the OP. Looking at female-aspie difference I think there is a possible reason. I've failed to see my wife as Aspie before because she is very intelligent but doesn't have that typical "I use only my rationality" that many of us have. Actually as said by the OP she have problems with people because she "feel them too much" and is overwhelmed by their stimuli.

I think that there is a good chance that many Aspie-women will be INFP, it could be interesting to sort it out.