Vague Requests?

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That was me. Sorry.

I know you're not joking because I have said almost exactly that from time to time. It happens if the word escapes me at the moment (which happens) so I use "filler" words like "thingy". Oftentimes the hapless listener will ask "which thingy"? or "there where?". By the time they say that, the missing words have generally floated up to my "file retrieval" part of my brain so I can clarify.

I am cracking up reading this, no offense intended, but this is my life. I do this all the time to my husband and it drives him crazy. I don't want to be bossy and just order him around, because he does it to me and I hate it. So I say what needs to be done rather than just tellling him to do it, with the expectation that he will do it. Why would I mention that the garbage needed taken out if I was going to take it out myself? Then I get frustrated because I have to repeat myself (which I do a lot for many reasons) and it drives me crazy that he is so literal, both in expressive and receptive communication. My son is the same way so I've learned to adapt my communication style to accomodate this, but I still do this to him on occasion. I'm very sarcastic too, so that really makes him mad because he doesn't get it. He is starting to, only because we have been together forever and he has some reference material to help him figure it out.

Sorry guys! We NT's are PITA's sometimes.

Oh...I get whatchmajigger a lot too.

I talk to my mom like that, but she always understands what I mean

When my mum says 'those dishes are stacking up" I usually reply 'oh so I guess you want me to wash them?'
Maybe you could ask your husband something similar?

I already get accused of being passive-aggressive far too often to ever get away with that!



Same here, and I often have to interrupt my wife to ask *what* thing she might be talking about ... and then I tell her she will have to begin all over again if she wants me to understand whatever she is asking or saying.



My wife and I just spent two days driving to come visit her mother, and I mentioned this thread to her along the way. We also had a good laugh over her bringing out the catalog just because I mention the weather ...

The way I've solved this is by always looking for an ulterior motive in people's words. That way, when there is one, I don't miss it.

But other kinds of hints frustrate me no end, such as when I ask where a store is and they tell me "down (or up) the street". If the street is horizontal, how the hell does one know which direction is "down" (or up)?

I was having lunch in a coffee shop with a gf and one of her friends asked if I minded if she joined us.

We were having a serious conversation that would probably have been apparent to someone with classical autism so I replied no!

If looks could have killed

How did your gf react to your NO?

No reaction really. She would have probably said the same, with a few extra words of explanation or excuse thrown in, NTs are like that.

I was close to answering with 2 words instead of one, the first word beginning with f

This thread is interesting. I was reading about how there's the literal meaning of what someone's saying and what they're really trying to say. In linguistics it's called language pragmatics. It looks like they're working on theories/models for possible rules which take place, and come up with research methodology to study it. Although the principles are kind of vague and can be modified over time, I think it's extremely fascinating to intellectualize all this.

Experience and patterns like what just happened with the trash. Next time he makes a comment about trash needing to be taken out, take that as "I want you to take this trash out." Better safe than sorry.



This is a good thread about learning vague requests sentences.


I was on OKcupid and someone asked me if I have a photo. I said "yes" then he replied back laughing saying people asking if I have any photos means I am supposed to show them them. In the past people would ask me on IM if I have a picture and I would say yes and then they would ask if they can see them. At least I knew they meant photo of me.

I have gotten in trouble at work for not understanding a vague request. My office clerk tells me to bring up five or six rollaways beds. I do that and then I go back to my job. Then at the end of my shift he asks me why aren't they made and I said I don't know. Then he tells me why didn't I make them and I asked if I was supposed to and he said where my common sense was and how long had I been working there now. Why would he tell me to bring up the beds and not have me make them. I said others were going to make them maybe. He was mad at me for not using my "common sense." So I figured next time he tells me to bring up those beds, I will make them or ask him if I am supposed to make them too just in case he meant what he exactly meant.


I hardly do vague requests. Every time I tell my husband to do something, I am direct. Like I will say "This trash needs to be taken out, you can take it out when you leave." "You left the light on in the bathroom, turn it off." "You left crumbs on the counter, clean them up."


I notice how I say the vague request and then tell the person what I want done about it. But when I say things like "This trash needs to be taken out" I don't expect my husband to do it because I didn't tell him to. But it be a bonus if he did it anyway and I just figure he chose to do it.

I wish there were an easy answer, as this is a common problem for me. My wife knows that asking me to do something or ask me to help her with it is the fastest way to get it done; dropping hints and the like get no response.


M.

I can relate to this, these are the kinds of problems I have all the time. It´s like other people just "know" things. The difficulty is not so much that people tend to be vague, but more that they get angry if you don´t pick up on, and react to, their intended meaning.

Looking back, I had many a roommate who suddenly seemed offended or resentful about things with no apparent reason. In looking at this thread, and back in the days before the knowledge of AS, I suspect now that many of my roommates were dropping hints that I never picked up on.

God, yes.


'Bring the laundry'

So I gathered it up into a big wad and brought it to her, but I didn't know that she wanted me to put it in a basket, fold it properly, separate it into lights, darks and colors, and THEN bring it to her.

"Can you tell your sister to come here, please?"

"Ok. SARAH!"

"I could have done that."

"Why didn't you?"

LMAO



LMAO!! (I used to do this all the time.)

Anyway.. I think you have to sort of take the initiative sometimes. Even if you're not sure if you're being asked to do something, or even if you don't think they expect you to do it, I've found that it's often good to just do it anyway because it's a nice thing to do and you will earn points with the other person that way.