Trying to be a better person despite disability.

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I think your idea of "wanting to be a better person" needs some adjusting. For me, a person who wants to improve himself does so, but not at the expense of others. You can have your ethic code and whatnot, but that applies to you and you alone. As for the social aspect, try . . . well, consider, seeking a companion first. Then, see what happens from there. I'll admit, im still having trouble just asking someone out just because i fear coming off as stupid (absolutely hate comments related to calling someone stupid or ret*d).

Beautiful women (or women that I consider beautiful and are my type) are a natural high for me. It's like when you hear a great song, or it's a perfect fall or spring day, only combining both of those feelings with seeing a beautiful picture at the same time. I can't imagine being on E to feel any better, in fact it's probably worse with the side-effects.

Whether sex does the same for me remains to be seen, but I really feel like Kevin Spacey at the end of American Beauty when I see a woman that's my type, when he says that there's so much beauty in the world that it's sometimes hard to take it all in at once.