realizing that i am not nice and maybe neither are you

Post Reply New Topic

Suppose Alice has two apples and wants a snack. Bob has no apples and wants a snack. Alice gives an apple to Bob. They eat their apples; Alice is happy, Bob is happy; Alice has chosen a good course of action, it isn't selfish for her to be happy about that, she can be happy (and Bob can be happy too) on behalf of the both of them, not just for herself.

I would consider myself to be nice. I do what I can to learn about a person's interests and be a good listener, even though I may not be a good conversationalist.

I am usually willing to help any person in need, even if that person is someone I don't like very much.

I will supply correct information if someone happens to have incorrect information, so that that someone can learn something new and not look foolish. (Information does not include "opinions."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

As it may be hard to get to know me, due to my quiet nature, I usually blog about my interests so that anyone can read and know. (not too much of the TMI stuff, and no security information either.)

I share my baked goods with my coworkers. That's always nice, right?

I do not lie as often as many others I know. I know how to tell the truth in a tactful way, but I will also be quite blunt if it is needed.

I am also very patient for those that are irrational and highly emotional. I will calmly explain my point to them and never return their mean-spiritedness.

When I get angry, I try my best not to lash out at anyone. I calmly analyze my feelings, figure out the reason behind them, and then decide whether my feelings are valid or not. If they are not, then I stop feeling angry. If they are, then I talk a walk/listen to music/read a book/write a blog to make the anger go away.

i think that someone who wants to be "rude" and "mean" but who can not help but to be "nice" is far more "admirable" than someone who wants to be "nice" but can not help being "mean". actions speak louder than words

i think of 2 examples.
1. a person who is blindly trusting who always gets ripped off and thinks that "rude and mean and ruthless people always win" , so he/she decides to try to be rude and mean and ruthless, but (s)he can not do it because (s)he has a kind heart and can not trade it for an experiment.

2. a person who thinks "if i butter them up they will lick my feet so i will be nice to them and flatter them". then when those who they tried to "butter up" (sweet talk) refuse to "lick their feet", they show their true colors and turn on them with venom and spite and hatred.

i know which example i feel fondness for and which i feel revulsion for, but my mind is simple and i can only see these 2 scenarios because i have given 10 minutes of thought to it, and that is my idea for the moment anyway.

i have a question can you still be a nice person even though you are rude/harsh and unfriendly a lot (even to people who dont deserve it) ?.

btw i read all the posts, just dont know how to respond to them X

It depends on what you mean by rude and harsh. When you drive, do you let people on the highway during gridlock when there's a long line of cars? Do you buy people things? Let them eat your food? Invite them to your house and they act like your house is their's? When I was a kid all my Barbie dolls went to the girl next door so, yeah, I guess you could call me nice. In fact, I was often nicer than most people. Being nice doesn't get you a lot of niceness in return. In fact, I have noticed, people will often treat you worse if you are nice to them and they don't want you to be. Believe it or not, some people resent nice behaviour from others because they feel like they have to reciprocate and they don't always want to. It depends on who you are and what you mean to them. Some of them only appreciate niceness from certain others and resent the hell out of people they dislike already being really nice to them all the time. If you ever want to get even with someone who hates you, go out of your way to be really, really nice to them and do it in front of people who know how they feel about you.

As my sig says, I'm quite often to disconnected from my emotions to be considered nice or mean, in much the same way a computer is. I follow logic and reason to a point where it's gotten me into trouble quite often in a variety of ways. Between the pointless necessity of looking at someone who's talking to you when you can listen just as well while typing on the computer, and being completely unable to understand the radical emotions (normally grief, anger, hate) that cause so much death and destruction among humans because it's simply illogical and unreasonable to do so, it can be a real hassle to be nice enough, or mean enough, to get by in this chaotic world.

And as ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo says, nicety doesn't beget nicety. There's a reason why "Nice guys finish last" is a platitude.

I try to be as completely logical and reasonable with people as possible. Which means 2 things: If someone asks me something I say the truth, not what they want to hear, and 2, I avoid people in general so 1 doesn't happen.