After learning of AS did you look back on your childhood?

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It explained my delays and inability to learn things wite movement like running, tying my shoes, riding bikes and all that stuff. It also explained my difficulties in the classroom in grade 2 and on the playground.

When I was an adolescent, I just assumed that I was ostracized from my peers because I was gay (closeted, but they all seemed to know) in an all boys school.

With the clarity of hindsight, however, it seems clear that my gay classmates did not suffer in the same way that I did. The bullying and isolation that often go hand in hand with AS seem a much closer fit to my experience.

On the bright side, my preference for being on my own served me well, and I emerged relatively unscathed from what was, by any objective measure, a pretty dismal social life in school.

Since learning about my AS I have actually been replaying my whole life like a movie inside my head.

I remember my French teacher telling my parents that I could see through languages, when I was about 8.

My bedroom was like a small library and I read incessantly.

I had very big picture world atlases that I read from cover to cover, scores of times.

I was reading these and looking at maps from around age 4.

I used to dream about going to all these distant places, eating their food, experiencing the different weather, hearing their languages. I marvelled at their clothes and the different faces of all these people from all over the planet.

The epilogue is that I settled in a different continent to where I was born.

I was always going to emigrate, it was just a question of when.

Looking back is one of the first things you do to try to see if the diagnosis is an accurate one. Sometimes I think I don't have it at all, because I've seen videos of people who share common behaviors that I don't remember ever doing. I do get obsessive over things, but it's more than one subject. I wouldn't say I'm a savant at anything. My interaction with people is usually good. I can tolerate the noisiness of bars or other events with lots of people.

The problems arise when I have to be fake and dishonest for the sake of other peoples' feelings, or knowing what to say or do in relationships. This white lie society we live in is not for me. I also don't have very good short term memory. I could never stay at a retail job because there's always something you have to remember. Sometimes I say things without realizing the tone and people take offense. I've been said to have a superiority complex, or that I'm bossy or controlling. I've even been called possessive. None of that stuff is ever intentional. I also don't enjoy random affection - not from strangers, but also not from my own family. I'm a very emotional person, and I can watch a movie like What Dreams May Come and feel the emotions expressed, but expressing those emotions to others is very difficult.

As far as my childhood, there's a lot of stuff that fits in with AS. I was born with club feet (a result of my low grade spina bifida, I guess) and had to wear casts as an infant. When they were removed there was a loud saw that took them off. I even remember the saw, even though I shouldn't be able to. So the traumatic effect of that sound carried over, and anytime I heard a vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, or a loud siren I flipped out. I'm sure that was confusing to everyone. I had a horrible social life, was made fun of, called names, etc. Since nobody played with me I always found someone similar to my predicament to play with. That only invited more ridicule, of course. I finally had a breakdown and refused to go to school.

Later on, in middle school, I had another breakdown. I was an emotional wreck. After that I became more aggressive in my reactions to people. I ended up being dubbed "the crazy white boy". People didn't mess with me as much anymore, cos I went psycho on some of them.

Things still went on throughout high school, but not as much. I eventually just became numb to everything.

So, in retrospect I can see the evidence of AS. I guess I've just learned to adapt to things. I didn't know about AS until this year, and that's what the shrink diagnosed me with. I still feel pretty normal; I just have a different perspective on everything. I value honesty and truth and logic over emotions. I prefer proper grammar over slang. I wear the same wardrobe everyday instead of having a variety of things.

I relate completely to this (from Tony Attwood's website):

"From my clinical experience I consider that children and adults with Aspergers Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking.

The person usually has a strong desire to seek knowledge, truth and perfection with a different set of priorities than would be expected with other people. There is also a different perception of situations and sensory experiences. The overriding priority may be to solve a problem rather than satisfy the social or emotional needs of others.

The person values being creative rather than co-operative.

The person with Aspergers syndrome may perceive errors that are not apparent to others, giving considerable attention to detail, rather than noticing the “big picture”.

The person is usually renowned for being direct, speaking their mind and being honest and determined and having a strong sense of social justice.

The person may actively seek and enjoy solitude, be a loyal friend and have a distinct sense of humour.

However, the person with Aspergers Syndrome can have difficulty with the management and expression of emotions.

Children and adults with Aspergers syndrome may have levels of anxiety, sadness or anger that indicate a secondary mood disorder. There may also be problems expressing the degree of love and affection expected by others. Fortunately, we now have successful psychological treatment programs to help manage and express emotions."

well I remember having trouble between left and right, telling the time (I only learnt when I asked my dad to teach me, I don't pick things up, I have to get interested in the thing), the difference between b's and d's, clockwise and anticlockwise. east and west.
It still doesn't exactly come naturally to me.

Yes and I still do now because I'm always learning new things about what I was like as a child from my family members and also my own memories. There are some things I laugh at now like the time when I took the "pull your socks up" phrase literally in brownies. But there are other things that are downright depressing like being the only 11 year old in the neighbourhood who couldn't ride a bike.

no

Even for those who only suspect AS, you look back on your childhood for examples. Nothing I am about to list should be considered "proof," but many of the traits I have often found to be related to the spectrum.

Reasons to think I might have AS
My teachers spotted me as unusual right off the bat; one thought I should be "tested." I was much naiver than my peers growing up. I didn't really have friends (I would occasionally have one or two, but really they were more of my parent's idea). Talking with people and starting conversations made me very uncomfortable. I didn't like to pretend when I played. I was very awkward... awful in sports, couldn't tie my shoes until 6th grade. I sat around my room for hours on end, singing into a tape recorder and listening to myself. The concept of peer pressure was completely foreign to me. I had some auditory and tactile sensory issues. I got bullied a lot, particularly in junior high. There are other things I am leaving off, but those are the main ones.

Reasons to think I might not have (or no longer have) AS
I learned how to make friends, I got less awkward, and my sensory issues completely disappeared. I always did very well in school (though I found it extremely easy). Now I have a job, a family, and friends. You could definitely argue that I no longer have a clinical impairment.

Ah yes, good at school, has family, has job/own business, I've got that.

They are very effective camoflage for AS.

Apparently those with AS who are in long term relationships, holding down a good job and (Heaven forbid) with 'friends' (two or more) are in the minority, but there are some.

I guess the idea that I have (or ever had) what most consider a disability is quite foreign to me. I'll be the first to admit that it very could be because I am so mildly on the spectrum that I don't really count, that I am simply a natural variation of NT. It's quite possible (probable, in fact) that today I wouldn't be diagnosed with it if I were to go and see a diagnosis. I've come to realize that there isn't really a clear dividing line between AS and non-AS. It's more of a cloud. A big wide stratus cloud.

I see the strengths and weaknesses of myself. Some of both may be related to autistic traits, some may not. Since coming here, I have learned a bit about the nature of my weaknesses and that has certainly helped me understand myself a bit better.

I'm not trying to imply that everyone should think this way. For those who have very disabling AS, I can't begin to understand the enormous trials that you have gone through for your whole life. I think I got lucky more than anything else, and for that I am truly thankful.

I was actually diagnosed with autistic disorder when I was about 7 years old, but did not learn about this diagnosis until I was 23. For me, upon finding this out, it explained a hell of a lot about my childhood and teen years, times in my life that were (and still remain unfortunately) very painful for me. The thing I really resent about not being told much earlier about this than I was is the fact that, had I known, I may have seeked others like myself and been able to make firm and long-lasting friendships. But those are 20 years of my life that I cannot get back and there is nothing I can do about it. Instead, as I was growing up, the vast majority of my 'friends' were people who only treated me marginally less badly than the bullies at school and any close friendships that I did form didn't really last for long. Kindness was something that was seldom bestowed unto me by others and so, when I got older and met people at university who were actually kind to me, I really didn't know how to react. And now, I'm happy to say, I still speak to some of these people from uni, although, like with my child and teen hood, they are no longer my close friends as I just don't think that I am capable of keeping them close and I don't think I ever will. I currently have no close friends but have people who I enjoy hanging around with and a long-term boyfriend, so things aren't that bad for me nowadays. However, thinking of my child and teen hood still makes me shudder.

I was wondering what the deal was with myself when I was in the midst of my childhood. I knew from a somewhat early age that I was different from other kids.
Looking back on my childhood is what led my to pursue the Autistic spectrum as a possible reason for my being the way I was/am...once I discovered what the spectrum was.

I walked on my toes(still do), wet the bed till I was well past 7..became obsessed with reading at a young age and would not get into the car without a tower of books with me....was quite oblivious...Had friends here and there, but those friends had a tendency to prey upon my naivete. I didn't understand boundaries..and I repeatedly annoyed and offended both my friends and their parents... I was bullied in school and out. I was very different from my siblings and other cousins. In family photographs it is always very apparent.

I had extreme motor clumsiness..it took me a long time to figure out proper hygiene and how to dress myself..My sensory issues were to the extent that every little change seemed to effect me.
I did have pretend play, but I took it very seriously...when I was very little I felt more like I was possibly a boy than a girl, and I would assume the identities of male characters like Pinnochio
and Mowgli.
ummmm.....and so on...

Yes I've looked back a lot since getting diagnosed a few months ago. Loads of things make sense in terms of AS theory.....especially the way the teachers gradually expected us to do things without crystal-clear instructions - my performance just went down and down, and I only passed my exams by sealing myself off a few weeks before the exams and reading the text books; the lessons were mostly a waste of time. My theory at the time was that I must have some kind of brain damage - not so far from the truth, as it turned out. I didn't notice the social thing till puberty, but I remember my father asking me whether I was happy playing alone so much...I answered that I was quite content. I did have a few friends but eventually we'd always fall out. I must have had enough social skill to keep myself from total isolation though, as I was never long without having at least one companion.

Once I had more possessions than just a couple of boxes of toys, the executive disfunction started to show - I couldn't organise my stuff properly, and still can't, though I spend a lot of time trying to. I had become scruffy at school, with too many pens in my pockets, they were always leaking . My mother once commented (with some exasperation) that I always found the longest ways of doing things when the obvious, quick way was staring me in the face.

I never questioned my obsessive special interests though - kids went through crazes and I dodn't notice I was any different.

We had quite an Aspie-friendly environment in the family.....my father was probably as Aspie himself, and he certainly insisted that the main traits (as I now know them to be) were perfectly normal and desirable. I'm sure he lived his entire life never suspecting that he was any different from anybody else - big social gatherings were seen as a waste of time, to be attended only by alcoholics and mindless chavs. Withdrawal from the world was seen as the only decent response to a disordered, inferior society. We kept ourselves mainly to ourselves, far from the madding crowd, because we were better, we were properly-organised, polite people. A small number of carefully-selected friends was the only sane way to be.

Then later there was Marxism, which basically said that my problems were mostly down to the pathetic condition of the working class under capitalism - cruel employers created a cruel society, so it was no surprise if I felt that society lacked the necessary compassion and tolerance to allow me to live a reasonably happy life just by joining in. And as everybody else was brainwashed into embracing capitalism, there was little point in trying to persuade anybody to stand up to the ruling class....the only thing for it was to get right away from mainstream society and look for those who were class-conscious, those who could see clearly the desocialisation in the capitalist mode of production.

Finally, the diagnosis has thrown a whole new light on my life, and the old explanation that most people suck because of chronic oppression doesn't carry the weight it once did. I still think there's truth in it, but obviously I have to also look at how my invisible brain differences may have led to a lot of my bad experiences. My pain is no longer proof that Marx (or my father) was right about the world. It's been quite a shock, and it will probably be years before I've worked through all the revisions I need to make in my world view.