How did you manage to pay attention in school?

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Thank you all for writing, as every single post in this thread has been helpful.

Willard and gramirez, I don't think you realize that in my original post, I was very serious about the question about being happy with B's and C's. What I am asking is should I rearrange my whole thinking about what will be good for my son? Sometimes I think some people on the spectrum just naturally assume that all of us parents are horrible people who don't really care about our children -- we are just trying to force them into an NT mold. My whole point in this thread was, without meds, how does one pay attention in class? and if some people on the spectrum CAN'T pay attention in class, then should we as parents rearrange our concept of what the future holds for our child? Should we forget college? [Remember, after years of reading posts on this forum, oftentimes we read that people on the spectrum are HAPPIEST at college, since they can finally study something that they love to study] IF we forget college for our children, then what do we steer our children towards so that they can have a career that they like?

And as far as homeschooling -- I would LOVE nothing better than to homeschool or cyber school my son. I asked him just today if he would consider it. He does NOT WANT TO DO IT! He likes his friends at school, and according to what he said today, it is worth the pressure at school to be there with his friends. Homeschooling would relieve more pressure for ME. I would LOVE it. His continuing in school makes life much harder for me, in that I have to second guess what the teachers want, figure out how to clean up the messes that occur when he doesn't listen in class, figure out how to pick up all the pieces when he forgets stuff all of the time. It's OK -- all of this is part of my job, but it's mighty confusing as to how to approach the situation correctly.

As for unrealistic expectations -- that would be true if he had historically been receiving B's and C's. He has gone from the honor roll to B's and C's this year. Obviously, he's capable of doing well in school, given the right situation. Does the right situation include meds? Well, obviously some in this thread have done well with meds. Some have not. There's not one right answer for that particular question. And it is true -- we well may have exhausted that avenue, and I'll find out after next month and our appt. with the newest doctor is through. That is WHY I'm asking the question as to how everybody copes with paying attention in school. I just want to explore all the avenues, and whatever information people can give me through this thread, so that I can readjust my expectations and help my son be happy. THAT's the goal -- no matter what you may think -- the goal is ALWAYS to help my son be happy.

Does he have a special interest that may eventually progress into a career? That's absolutely something to encourage.

Also, it's not like people who get Bs and Cs can't go to college. They may not be going to extremely selective colleges, but depending on your area, even community college can be a really great option. How difficult it is to get into a school doesn't always correlate with the quality of education. Since community colleges are also largely state and county funded, a lot of times financial aid packages will cover all or most of tuition.

Hey Schlep, I feel your pain. Thanks for the thread, its been very interesting reading the posts. Unfortunately, I don't have the answer.

Hello.
I am pretty much an AS/ADD person...I have inherited these traits from both sides of my family..I have often wondered why and how something that has made certain members of my family so brilliant also managed to land me with so many learning deficits in regards to my ability to function within the crappy public school system and evolve into a functional adult person.

I am 34 years old. When I was in elementary school it was acknowledged that I was different and I had severe problems and also that I somehow managed to score really high on standardized tests despite my almost complete inability to function in the classroom setting.

At the time, there were no commonly known labels for people like me..

the only thing that really allowed me to focus was the lack of pressure on me to focus.

I got into Gifted and Talented classes which in some ways were special ed classes for kids with different ways of learning things and there was a sort of free-form structure and lots of leeway..so I was able to learn stuff in the way I learn best...a sort of hands-on/associative way

I was not medicated for ADD till I was an adult.

When I was young, exceptional reading and recall skills supported me in sidestepping the real meat of schooling.

At sixteen, I was thrust into a university environment, and completely failed to cope. After a year or so, having found some strengths but none that helped cope with education, I dropped out. Worked, here and there, bummed around, Dropped back in, failed to cope, dropped out again. Bummed around. Found that I could write programs and worked non stop for thirty years or so. No business success at all. Finally diagnosed as aspie. Still writing programs and still seeking legitimacy.

There was a time, around the first dropout sequence, when I wanted to just live for a year or so. My dad - aspie too, IMHO - refused. I left university, left home, and stayed out of touch for twenty years or so. Early (before thirty) education has to stay in step with life experience, or lives will be wasted.

I had no friends and therefore no social distractions at school, so good grades was all I had to feel good about and make school just bearable enough for me to actually show up most days.

Maggiedoll, I'm always on the lookout for a special interest that my son could turn into a career, but so far, nothing is very obvious besides video games or computer games. He is more well-rounded now, in that he doesn't play these games to the exclusion of everything else -- he has a friend in the neighborhood, and they explore outisde, jump on our trampoline, build forts, etc. I've tried to be supportive of a special interest, but other than these games, he isn't interested in much. We have tons of musical instruments and amps and a drum set (leftover from his older aspie brother) but he shows NO interest in this stuff. He is gifted in singing and harmony though. He has been interested and talented in acting, but doesn't want to do this anymore. He has a good memory, for sure, but reading is not something he enjoys, so he's different from a lot of aspies in that way.

Also, we are not expecting him to go to an extremely selective college -- that hasn't been an option for any of our kids, no matter how smart -- because we just can't afford it. We expect that our son will attend a local community college, if he so chooses, because he won't live away from home for a while. I don't think he'll be mature enough.

Also, if he were interested in something like building things, carpentry, plumbing, etc., I would have absolutely no problem supporting him in that direction. I don't have any demands that he has to go to college -- that's not a requirement. I have just read too many times that a lot of people on the spectrum have finally found happiness in college, and so I've assumed that's where he would be happiest. If this will not be so, for him, then that's fine by me. And he's still young -- my other son amazingly realized exactly what he wanted to do with his life in his senior year of high school, and has stuck with that. Most kids don't do that. I'm just trying to pay attention to my younger son's interests to see if there's a glimmer of hope for some kind of career that he could latch onto.

DenvrDave, I know that you feel my pain. I read your posts all the time. It would seem we are going through the exact same thing with our sons. Obviously, I don't have any answers about this stuff either.

I write these posts pretty much knowing that everything will turn out alright in the end. I just hope to learn from other's experiences, to see if I can in any way make life easier for my son.

I, uh, didn't. I graduated with poor marks but I didn't care because I got into college based on my art portfolio. I always thought middle and high school were incredibly stupid (and honestly I still think this, especially after reading Dumbing Us Down by John Taylo Gatto). Now that I'm in college I have a better time paying attention because I'm more mature, drink a buttload of tea, and the classes I'm taking are exponentially more interesting. I would never suggest any kind of medication because I think that non-natural medicine is poison (I had a sinus problem last week and I tried everything else before I gave in and got some Sudafed). I might recommend hypnosis, but that can have negative effects as well...I guess the way I see it is middle and high school just aren't that important. What is your son's special interest? Is he supersmart? Google Simon's Rock College of Bard. It's a college where sophomores and juniors in high school can go without ever having to graduate high school or take the SATs (PSATs are required, though), even if their grades are poor, if they can prove that they are capable of college level work, they'll get in (I applied but didn't get in). Perhaps he would have better luck there.

And remember, a lot of aspie kids are straight A students in Elementary school (me) and then hit rock bottom as soon as they get to middle school (like me). The amount of classrooms and teachers just doesn't bode well. Are there any alternative schools in your area? Try looking for an "open learning" middle school. They do wonders for not just aspies but a lot of other students as well. They usually work with the student to build a curriculum that is meaningful to them but also practical for real life.

I didn't. My mind was on my interest when I was actually at school.

Still passed year 10 (left in 11 though).

I didn't master the art of paying attention at school. It was fine in the early years when they explained everything slowly and clearly "as to a child," but as we grew older they took more and more for granted until most of my classroom time was a complete waste. I got round the problem by reading the text books during the few weeks before the final exams, which was more than adequate for 'O' levels but only just got me through the 'A' levels.....I had to use every ounce of willpower to keep my nose in the books by then, and I hope I never have to go through anything like that ever again.

But there were a few subjects I was OK with. As long as it was taught fairly clearly and I had some innate interest for it, I didn't have much trouble.

I didn't know about AS etc., and drugs were never suggested (it was just assumed that I had the wrong attitude), so I've no idea whether drugs would have helped me or not. There's so many stories of overprescribing the wrong tablets that I'm wary of them.

The only way I manage to pay attention in school is by answering as many of the teachers' questions as possible, and asking my own questions in class. It might take courage for some, but it seems to me like the only solution. I've asked the stupidest questions and gave the stupidest answers, but being a total loner at school, I don't really care about my reputation. Grades are more important than social success. I've noticed that once I get lost in the course material to the point that I don't answer questions in class faster than anyone else, my grades immediately begin to slip. This is why I'm extremely worried about university - there are no opportunities to get actively involved during lectures.

Might computer or video game development eventually be an option? Game development is a big industry, it's not all just a futureless game, there are certainly jobs in that arena for people with talent and creativity. Digital design is a serious field.

If you're expecting him to go to community college anyway, I think at this point learning is a much bigger deal than any grades themselves. Even if he didn't do well in high school, if he went on to do well at community college, he could have a lot of options. He could probably even get into good four-year schools after doing that, because they're likely to consider performance in community college classes as more predictive of later academic success than performance in high school classes.

yeah, about that....I really didn't too well until my final years when I had teachers who actually knew how to teach, and make it interesting.

I was never very good in school. The fact that I hit the honor roll in my final semester of high school was nothing I ever expected.

However, upon that, I threw it in my parents' faces, asked 'em "happy now?", told 'em I never wanted to hear any whining about it any further, and that was it.

I'll confess....I was actually disappointed with my B average; I pretty much put everything into my final semester, and all I had to show for it was a B.

If nothing else proved I've never really been cut out for academics, that was pretty much it.

My expertise has always been in toys, the entertainment industry, and somehow economics. One of my teachers managed to get me into history..maybe I was already interested in it, and he sparked the candle in there that always lay dormant.

Throughout my entire life I had problems paying attention in school. My mind would wander uncontrollably. My 1st grade teacher (who was also my 3rd grade teacher) used to call me out all the time for daydreaming. Surprisingly I was never evaluated for any learning disabilities, as my grades tended to suffer because of my attention span. However, it never became a serious problem until about 7th grade, when I started failing some classes. My homeroom teacher noticed a decline in my grade point average across the school year and pulled me aside to ask me what was wrong. She assumed it was a matter of confidence and lack of motivation (which was probably true) that caused my short attention span. When I got to high school my grades got a little better. My short attention span it seems was not a static phenomenon, it was more like I had a good attention span sometimes, and a poor one at other times. When I was a junior in high school, about 16.5 years old, I suffered a psychotic breakdown and consequently had a very poor attention span. 4 years later, in 2008 my psychiatrist put me on Adderall, and I immediately noticed a sharp increase in attention span, as I was able to study and concentrate for hours without lapsing into a reverie. I'm currently taking 30 mg of Adderall per day: 20 when I wake up and 10 more 3 hours after.

Ok, so the thing that I've learned from pretty much ALL of your posts is:

1) paying attention in class, especially in middle school, is almost IMPOSSIBLE and cannot be controlled
2) the ability to pay attention may partially improve with just maturity
3) meds can help, but it would appear that one needs to talk with a psychiatrist, not a general practitioner
4) I should give my son a break

This has TRULY been helpful. Thank you.

Just an update --

over a month ago, we took our son to a psychiatrist, and she gave us the option of trying Vyvanse or Focalin. We chose the Vyvanse, and began at a very low dose. I asked to up the dosage after one week, as it was as if he wasn't on ANY med. After two weeks, I asked to up the dosage again. Finally, the third dosage seems to be working. He's at 60 mg, and I guess there is more room to increase the dosage if needs be. So far, not necessarily a need to do so. A side benefit of the Vyvanse is that my son feels self-confident. That's a real nice side-effect, if you ask me. The only down-side so far is that the Vyvanse lasts for only most of the school day -- so it's not present for homework after school. When we go to see the doctor again next Friday, I will ask what can be done to help with the homework situation. But right now, I'm happy with the results, and so is my son.