Telling others about AS - right or wrong?
My opinion is tell people who need to know because you need something from them in regards to it. Beyond that, be very careful, sticking to people you trust very implicitly. Feeling out the discussion by discussing autism issues as not related to yourself can be helpful. In my own case I might bring up something about my autistic niece or asperger syndrome nephew. Neither of them is close enough to me geographically to be known by the people I knowand are both young enough that a lot of people know anyways at this point. However, I can use them to bring up general autism issues and there is a lot you can tell about someone's preconceptions by their reaction to that. After I've felt out their general opinions on the area I can settle in for a disclosure if I want to do so. I've found it very liberating to disclose from time to time. It helps me be able to talk about myself and my perceptions more directly without feeling like there is a giant hole I'm trying to skirt around without anyone seeing. But in general, I've had entire relationships come and go that were fairly close without telling a word about it.
You should decide for each person whether or not to tell them based on the person, and the situation. There will always be unknown variables, but use your best judgement. Sorry if I am stating the obvious, but my point is that you can not make a simple rule (that would apply in all cases) with this question.
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"Reality is not made of if. Reality is made of is."
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I dont think people TREAT you differently if you have a condition, but they will THINK about you differently, something you dont want, because if you do have AS you wont be able to tell this. Also, AS has some pretty bad stigmas attached to it. Unless you can explain it really well, i wouldnt even think about telling anyone.
I dont mention it to anyone myself, and if the subject came up i have a ton of facts i can hide behind. For example i could tell them i did the AQ test and only got 20 (true) I can also bring up random AS stereotype traits that i dont have. So can you, cos no one has em all!
Ive told a few people I had auditory processing disorder, but some of the pages on the internet say it often occurs with AS, even though some say it can occur by itself. No one seems to know a huge amount about that. If a definite link is found in the future i wont have anywhere to hide cept maybe behind ADHD. Now i just tell people I have a "minor hearing impairment" and if they ask i say its "something like high frequency hearing loss". Sounds much less sinister!
If you were to get married or heavily involved with someone you pretty much gotta tell em, especially if you're considering having kids. But if they accept you for who you are anyway its not gonna make much difference in their feelings about you.
PlatedDrake
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
Well, what ive done is address certain things, but i never say, "Well, I have AS." For example, if some folks wanted you to go to a club or something, and you know you'd have a meltdown in that scenario, just say you are prone to panic attacks in settings like that (i know panic attack =/= meltdown, but they understand PAs better than meltdowns). Or, if you have them, mention your sensory issues if you think you will go somewhere that would just overwhelm you. If you are going to mention AS, Id wait until you are fairly certain that your friend(s) will respect this aspect, "A true friend is someone who knows your faults and still likes you anyway," or so the theory goes. However, if there is a situation that comes up, and your AS is the only thing that explains what you did, then that is your call . . . but be sure to explain your case of it (not all those in the same category share the same criteria: ie, i have the sensory, cannot "read" body language/facial expressions, special interests, etc).
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I'm a man of too many thoughts and not enough words to express them.
I don't think people need a label to understand why you have these faults. I find it ridiculous how we sometimes need to sprout our condition to get people to believe our problems.
Same here. If someone asked me if I have autism or AS, I tell them. Of course this never happens. It's very rare.
BeauZa
Velociraptor
Joined: 10 Nov 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 483
Location: New South Wales, Australia
That is perfect! I will go about it that way; it makes the most sense.
Thanks a million! =]
And Spokane_Girl... you play baseball!? =D
What's it like to play baseball? It's something we hardly get in Australia. =[
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I used to plan and plot, and try to live correct; lately I do a lot of things that don't make sense. Now I must do what I must do.
That is perfect! I will go about it that way; it makes the most sense.
Thanks a million! =]
And Spokane_Girl... you play baseball!? =D
What's it like to play baseball? It's something we hardly get in Australia. =[
I played softball when I was 11, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 19. Would have been fun to be in A League of Their Own but I was five and six when the movie was filmed so I would have been too young anyway to play in it.
The ball is bigger and the field is smaller. I think that is the only thing that is different about softball and baseball. It's fun to play but I hated playing out in the cold and rain. I also hated playing when it be real hot out but dealt with it. I got a few bruises, one time I got one above my eye where I got hit and one of my team mates told me it makes me look tough and I had a huge one on my leg where the coach accidently hit me with the ball.
If you were referring to my avatar and signiture, they're from the movie. I wanted to be a Rockford Peach one Halloween but there were no Halloween uniforms for it. This is one of my obsessions for now. Got tired of Benny & Joon. I am probably going through one of my phases where I get stuck on my old obsessions after watching one of my old favorite movies. If I could change my name, it be Kit or League Girl. Now my sig and avatar don't match my name anymore.
Telling them wouldn't be a bad thing as such but some people wouldn't take it the right way, this has happened to me in the past before.
When I was younger and my brother told them I had autism. I got teased by two girls, it was so unplessant.
Thats why now I don't bother tell anyone about it, i've told a few of my mates and they understand about it and some of them thought I didn't have it because it doesn't seem so obvious.
Now goes the twist.... After when I was leaving my school, the teachers have told my mum i have aspergers and i was orginally diagnosed as high functioning autism. But then my behabviour seems more like an aspergers so now they made it seem confusing.
Now I realised that I only have to tell someone who I think I trust about it but I won't tell them straight away, because its most likely for them to take it round the wrong way.
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BeauZa
Velociraptor
Joined: 10 Nov 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 483
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Spokane_Girl: Thanks for sharing your story with me. =]
I really wish we had baseball as a sport in Australia... well, as far as I'm concerned I have never
played one game of baseball at school, whether it was in Australia or New Zealand. I fuel my interest
by playing baseball on my Wii. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's all I have for now.
Thanks for explaining your signature as well. I had trouble figuring it out. ^^;
superboyian: Thank you as well for sharing your circumstances! It sounds like a real predicament you have going
for you, and I hope it reaches a satisfying result. =]
What symptoms does high-functioning autism have? Is it a more serious level of AS or is it something
totally different?
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I used to plan and plot, and try to live correct; lately I do a lot of things that don't make sense. Now I must do what I must do.
I kept my suspicions to 'need to know' parties prior to diagnosis on 17th November 2009, 16:32. The reason was that if the diagnosis came back negative, or my suspicions proved otherwise incorrect, there would be substantially less of an audience to retract previous comments to.
I tracked 6 people outside of the WP community to whom I'd aired suspicions. Since diagnosis, I've remained equally quiet, save for confirming with 3 of those 6 and telling 2 others. However, I know that one of the 3 I confirmed with will happily spread my business, so I have the peace of mind now that news may spread without my direct involvement. Personally, anyone I haven't told doesn't matter anyway, so their reaction is far from important, and therefore I could care less where news travels to.
It's fairly important to me to not spread it like news of an apocalypse. I don't care to draw attention to myself or use it like an 'access all areas' pass. It's not really who knows that bothers me, but I'd rather not be thought of as looking for special treatment, therefore I won't be using it as an excuse in life, perhaps even where it actually does affect the situation.
Put simply, when I make my mistakes, and when I'm perceived as 'odd', that's just me being me. AS is just a fact that influences me being that way, not a reason to get away with it, or be pampered. I'm fearful of giving away my individuality and independence if I draw attention to it. I'm happy to accept support, but not to be treated like an invalid.
I reached my conclusions when I first began my journey towards diagnosis. I was given a form to fill in regarding employment, and an appointment, which clashed with my first visit to my local mental health team. I raised the fact that I had a mental health appointment, and that I'd need to take another date for the employment one. The other person's reaction, a few minutes later, was to double check I could read and write, and offer to enlist help reading and understanding the form, (the same form I've filled out 7 times before, and twice given to this same advisor, never a question asked).
((((hugs))))
~Loving Light~
