Dealing With the Holidays

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It seems like many family get togethers exist as an excuse o air griviences

"It's the most.. horrible time... of the year!!"

We are subjected to some of the most awful music ever recorded.. no matter where I go... restaurants... retail stores... the store where I work.. I mean, how many more versions of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer can possibly be recorded??? And that ... ching ching ching.. sound... just makes me want to destroy something... make it stop!!

Where does one begin to describe the bad things about the "holidays?" People who pretend to be generous in December, then return to being pretentious pricks in January??? The promotion of materialism? Telling kids there is a fictional fat guy who somehow goes down a chimney and delivers presents... whose labels are in the kids' parents' handwriting??? Customers at my store, who, in lame attempts to make conversation, say "Are you ready for Christmas?" or, another obligatory question.. "Have you done your Christmas shopping yet?" or "Where are you spending your Christmas?" Geez.. enough already with the fake sympathy, OK?? I see right through it. People I don't even know pretend to feel sorry for me because I will be working on Christmas day.

I actually like Christmas. I get a bit excited and nervous leading up to the big day, which plays HAVOC with my sleeping patterns. I'm worrying about what I'll get personally

Well that's easy for you to say. You're not living with your parents and being forced to socialize with family at every turn at the risk of getting your *ssed whooped!

I just learned that Christmas is going to be hell. There's gonna 15 people...15 freaking people over at the house for Christmas!! ! 1/3 of them are not even family! I knew it was too good to be true when our Thanksgiving consisted of only 6 of us. I'm definitly planning on taking up on my friend's offer to head on over to his house later but I'm scared that the kids that are gonna be over are gonna tear up my DVD collection like they did before.

Also I havent done sh*t Christmas shopping except for my friend and a DVD I was gonna give to my sister last year but Amazon didnt deliver it in time so it's been unopened and on my shelf still. My mom got sh*tty with me one time cause I got her a gift certificate but all other gifts I've gotten her in the past are wasteful junk. Plus I'm unemployed and have no money.

It’s funny how two unrelated problems can sometimes solve each other.
After decades of being more-or-less comfortable, I find myself
with no expendable income at all. I literally do not have a dime.
Meanwhile, I’ve always hated the obligatory nonsense surrounding Xmas.
Click – So, spend nothing.
Why didn’t I see it before? Why do I even need an excuse?
Why does it seem so complicated, when it’s really so simple?

Don't bother with Christmas cards or presents.
But I did decide to get my husband this Zelda game so I went downtown, went to game stop, looked at the games to see what was there, I got myself a game and the new Zelda game. Then I decided to look in this hello Kitty shop and I spent my time in there, got myself a Lego Hello Kitty and some gum and a greeting card. Then I went to the toy store and looked around, decided to do the toys for tots, got myself something and then I went to Borders. Then I went home. So all this was fun, no stress. I didn't have to force myself to Christmas shop, it came on it's own. It's the forcing that causes me the stress and the forced decisions. I already had the game planned so I was able to buy it without a problem and the rest came spontaneously. I used to hang out in toy stores for a long time as a kid and still do. Crowds have never been an issue for me except for when I was little but I don't remember.
But I heard even this holiday is stressful for none autistics too. They have the shopping and the wrapping to do and to figure out their budgets. Hey even some none autistics don't do gifts either or put up their trees.



I honestly have never had problems with this holiday. It was like any other day for me except the difference was we had presents and that was all I cared about. I was never forced to socialize. We never went anywhere either. We just stayed home and my brothers and I would play with our new toys while my parents and our relatives would visit. There was only one year when we went to Montana for Christmas but it was something my brothers and I wanted and we had family there and we played with our new toys for the rest of the week. Yeah I hated giving up my room and hated having to wait to open my gifts and in my teens, it be annoying that I be told that we were going up to my grandparents for dinner and we go up there and bam there is no food yet. So my parents would just leave me at home and then they come and get me when food be ready. It took me till my adult hood to figure out "We are eating at grandmas and grandpas" meant "We are going up to your grandparents to visit, cook the food, eat, visit again."
But the shopping for my brothers got hard so it really wasn't fun anymore. I can remember getting anxiety in my teens but now I don't anymore. I don't care about what gifts I get or even care for them so that took off that pressure. I prefer to not get any unless it's food or candy or sweets or anything with A League of Their Own. I know I got a few presents but only opened one of them. I got cookies and peanut brittle and fudge and fudgeballs. I was eating my aunts and uncles cookies and mom told me I have my own and it's under thet tree in the tin, go get it. So I did.
I am at my aunt and uncles with the laptop so nothing different. I would be doing the same at home so it wouldn't matter if I were doing it here and I shower late anyway and stay up all night usually. I'm being anti social. So is my dad. He is watching a movie, I am doing the computer.

So I am not a typical aspie for this holiday.

this one is happening right now, and I am on the computer, so that is my coping mechanism. I had two unexpected car repairs in december so I can't participate at all in the gift-giving, I was given a gift certificate from los parentos that I had to have a day early just to buy dog food and cat food...kind of a bummer christmas this year. I don't much care for it anyway, but at least I get to watch my nieces and nephews open presents. They will be getting their gifts from me in January, though. The intensity of the energy of being around so many family members is pretty weird though. I went almost a day without smoking and then broke down and bought a pack about an hour ago. Bad time to quit.

Holiday time, for some not the easiest time of year:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=175

This year I am at home, just me and my family, some friends may come by tonight so for me quite relaxed this year and in away no more stress than any other day, as I cook usually every day anyway, except today have some nice presents Anyway just pop by really to say thinking of you all today and hope you all enjoy in your own unique way xxx

I find that the holidays are quite enjoyable for me. It's January that's traditionally hard for me to deal with.

thank you! i appreciate this thread immensely.

my sister has been feigning pregnancy for two years straight; false pregnancy. she has been confronted with this reality, and how much stress its causing our entire family, and she has not made strides to see a therapist to get through this. and now its the second holday season in a row i have had to dealt with this issue, and my decision has to have been a no show at family functions. our mom is capitulative, and constantly asked me "you believe her dont you? shes your sister" grrr and so i feel really bad for her kids who have to deal with all this dramarama bs, but at the same time, theyre her kids, its her family over there, and as an adult brother ive had enough of this nonsense, and i am immensly enjoying not being around this kind of weirdness and anxiety. i have mild aspergers, so i enjoy my free time, i do not require other people to be around me to satisfy my happiness, and i am finally enjoying the holidays relaxing from exhausting holiday work in a retail environment. my sister scolded me last year, saying ive never not showed up for the hoilidays before, but this is untrue, and she was just guilt tripping me, but it didnt work. i cant understand how someone like my sister who has been pretending to be pregnant for two years, and has put everyone through the ringer about it, can guilt trip ME when it is HER that is causing all of this unneeded anxiety. it seems more like misery loves company and damn me for not participating in her misery. recently i heard word that she finally stopped talking about this after two years time, but she hasnt called me once in two years, and she hasnt called me to apologize for all this unneeded stres she has caused our family. i, have attempted to call her once every other month or so, but her answering maching is off, and noboddy ever answers the phone over there. i feel i am dealing with a totally disfunctional family situation, and she has her ex husband living there, and hes an alcoholic, and my mother lives over there too, and its just way too many people in a one bedroom apartment. i am not making any of this up. they overwehlm me and i cant be around that stress any longer. thnx for listening to me.

Um... not intentionally, I know today, the weather change and that give me a temporary one day mood swing.

Whatever, I got presents for everyone in my family.

What?!?!? *put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door handle

any way... sometime social affection can be sickening for me but don't take it wrong way. People are known to have allergy or taste that gone wrong on them.

ps my oldest nephew over their in that situation is autistic, and he hides in his room most all the time; i feel bad for him and i almost feel like rescuing him from the situation, as we are both on the spectrum. we understand and relate to each other extremely well.

my family understands his autism, but they dont understand my autism, meaning, he is your conventional autistic , if you will, by societies standards, but i am very mild aspie and my family cannot grasp the differentiation of the variations of the spectrum. they see autism as all or none sigh

so anywho; my issue is that i am fine with not being involved with family during the holidays. the real issues are that my family needs to get their act together, and they need to respect the fact that if i decide to not be there on the holidays, its my right to decide that, after all i am an adult in my 40s, i make my own decisions, and i do whats best for me depending upon the circumstances.

i wish the family situation were more "normal" maybe i would go visit them, but until i see positive changes, i cant see hanging out and dealing with all that nonsense.

My mom says Christmas was really hard for me because I had to know extactaly what I was going to get and was always anxious about what I was going to get. Maybe but I think the drastic changes in everything had to do with it too. My mom was always telling me that Christmas was about family, but I didn't understand the concept of family for years. I was always told it was better to give than to recieve but when I try ot buy a gift for someone else, I am told I don't need to spend that much on them. I wish people were more consistant. Decorations were put up and everybody was always coming over unnanounced. The thought of having Christmas decorations past Christmas made me cringe. I wanted the decorations to come down extactaly on the 26. My mom had the tree up until April one year so my brothers could see it when they got to come home for awhile. I never understood why we worked so hard to put things up when we were just going to take them down. My mom says that my dad was sometimes a grump and wrecked Christmas for her. I remember being scared of my dad for years so he probably didn't make Christmas anymore pleasant for me. He's always grumpy but even more so around the holidays. My mom says it's from the trama of the war but I think he has AS too.