Told the bank teller what for...

Post Reply New Topic

The thing is that i was not really angry at him...I was just tripped up by the interraction.
I didn't say it in a mean way..it is just what came out. I was just letting him know that I couldn't play along with the script. It did not come automatically...it just stressed me out. I was not used to it.
It didn't become a big deal really until after I left the bank and told my partner what happened...and he thought it was a big deal...

I am very easily overwhelmed in certain environments. Banks and city administration buildings are among the worst...I am very bad with rudimentary unnecessary small talk...
esp. in places that are already overwhelming.

Annnyway.....
Also...he was a sort of youngish semi- casually dressed teller....I had already waited in line while the guy in front of me chatted away with him for a bit...I was already slightly irritated by having to wait while they gabbed...I just wanted to get the transaction over with....
I really don't think he sincerely wanted to know what I was doing for New Years eve...He was trying to be friendly..yes...I just could not reciprocate.

I'm glad you explained that. I didn't get the impression you were angry, and thought maybe I had missed something. Being "tripped up by the interaction" is a good way of putting it, I think. That's exactly what happens to me. Or at least it sounds like it is.

Why is it so innapropriate to mention the "A- Word" as you put it? How are people supposed to understand where you are coming from if you just say you don't like small talk or any other behaviour or situation. If you just say "I don't like [insert situation here]" with no context they will disregard it because they can't make adjustments for one person who to them will appear insane because "normal" people just get on with it. If I couldn't explain exactly why I am the way I am my life would be much more complicated than it is. So I was just wondering why you are hesitant to fully explain?

Because people can think you're using it as an excuse.

"I have autism"=I have autism so I don't have to do X.
"I have autism"=I have autism so it's okay for me to act this way
"I have autism"=I have autism so it's okay for me to be rude

That's what it sounds like when we do say we have AS or autism. It sounds like we don't want to take any responsibility or saying it's okay for us to be this way or that way and not work at it.

People just need to listen to other people. I don't need to say my label to get people to get it. If people need a label to understand someone, forget it. I find it ridiculous for people to assume things we do different than them must be our AS. It's as if they are the ones lacking TOM. My ex's did it and my husband sometimes does it. I find out I was pregnant and I don't want to tell my parents or anyone else because I didn't feel like it and did they need to know now? And he told me it was my AS because most women would be calling everyone to tell them the news. I didn't buy it so I happened to read online how some women wait afte 12 weeks to tell people or wait till they are four months pregnant to tell and I told him about the information and showed it to him and he said I was right and he was wrong am I happy? I was happy I proved him wrong.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 01 Jan 2010, 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have really wanted to...
I wanted to tell the people in the main branch of the bank that I use, because it is always such an ordeal..I am always confused and walking in circles when I go in there...and i have to always bring Flakey along to help me talk to our "agent"....

But I do not have the $2000+ diagnosis...only the opinion of an AS specialist...and another of a psych who thought I was on the spectrum...and that is one of the reasons why I was reprimanded in the past when I had a thread about how I wrote a letter to the grocery store in which I used the A-word....back then, I didn't even have that.

I have a habit of blurting out the A-word when I am really tripped up because I NEED an excuse...I don't know what else to say...I have had total awful meltdowns in front of people who barely knew me...and not being able to give a reason why is very frustrating....There are some situations in which I can seem extremely mental...rather than just weird and mostly different from most people most of the time...

I need something that will keep people from attempting to try the same sorts of things with me over and over again that do not work...in terms of interactions...

I also have autism-on-the-brain from always being on Wrong Planet..

I know I need to work more on my casual interactions.....but it does not come automatically, and also, it pains me.....I often react with my gut before I am able to think it through and react in a more socially acceptable manner.

What do you mean you weren't "used to it"?
This happens to me almost every day, so I'm plenty used to it.

The easiest thing to do is answer with a simple Yes or No. That will usually kill any chance for a conversation, since you didn't give them anything to continue talking about. If they ask another question, do it again. Eventually they'll get the hint.

^Short and snippy responses are key to ending an unwanted interaction. Turning away from them and paying attention to elsewhere will send them the message too.

Thankfully, I only have to go into my bank branch once every few months or so.

That's what I do. I don't do good with small talk so I give out short answers and then they stop talking to me. When they keep talking, it's only about what I am doing such as putting money in the bank. "Do you want to know your balance?" or "Savings or checking?" and "is this it?" Yep all work related when they talk to me.

I live with scripts for small talk. It's rude to ignore people so that's why I answer.

Direct deposit helps.

One thing I have noticed is that small talk varies from culture to culture, even inside the US. In Texas, small talk is a very important prerequisite to many interactions. I'd imagine it's more important in a smaller town down there than it is in a city. Here in the Northeast (where I've spent my life), small talk is less common. In fact, in big cities, most people in retail positions will not start small talk, and even discourage you from engaging in small talk with them.

How about one that says please speak dsign language to me, I'm deaf, and then have signs that say "I can't read sign language". ROTFLMAO!

I was not in "auto-response" mode
I was not used to that branch or that teller.
I am not used to a teller trying to make small talk.
The tellers at the other branches I use either know better....(this would apply to the main location I visit)....or stay strictly to the point.

I don't like banks either because one day i went to deposit my money and this woman goes on about setting up my new account but i said to her kindly iam here to deposit my money but she then calls another person and she was talking about getting my credit card set up but thankfully it didn't go ahead as i don't qualify as iam umemployed.

At first I thought it was kind of odd, why would a bank teller want to know? I could understand why someone you knew would ask about your New Year plans, but a bank teller??

It may be something cultural. Here in Denmark you wouldn't experience that (they might make a comment about the weather, but not asking for New Year plans or such).