Intrusions into your private life

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Part of my ASD presentation is such that I have a very poor understanding of the private/public dichotomy. It is related to my impaired ToM and a failure to understand that others will not RECEIVE the information i divulge withe the same sentiment with which I express it. I answer things honestly and I rarely consider HOW the information will be interpreted or comprehended at the time when someone may be asking me a question or inquiring about my life.

This has been an ongoing problem for me, and one that is being addressed since my diagnosis.
I am actually learning for the first time, NOT to answer things directly and honestly. This is a breakthrough for me in terms of interpersonal relating. it is something most other people take for granted. they often understand the public/private divide and also understand about levels of relating and levels of intimacy in terms of social communication. I have an intellectual understanding of these, but in practice, my ability to carry these out is rudimentary and quite naive and childlike.

I still answer things honestly. I have no idea when things are personal. I guess I still lack TOM

But I still have it but it might not be great as other peoples. I just keep learning from experiance.

I have no idea what you are talking about but I know I am this way and I am wondering if this is why people have thought I am a complete freak all my life. And the worst is when I feel someone has misunderstood an action of mine so I write them long detailed letters trying to explain myself and my motivations. Guess what, someone informed me that in the NT world, long detailed explanations generally mean that a person is lying. I am not a liar, but only in the last few years have I discovered one of my behaviors is getting me labeled that way, not because of what I said but because at times I have been so upset by things and have gone to great lenghts to 'straighten things out' and when neurotypicals do that apparently they are trying to put a shine on something. Wherease saying nothing and acting innocent means you are. To me saying nothing means you just don't care. Plus, I have watched borderlines & other anti-social types mimic theses social mores, rules of the 'game' so to speak, with impunity, actually while getting away with murder. It's definitenly been a source of pain for me.

Your 2nd sentence in the 2nd paragraph is interesting. It is so true and that's what gripes me when people complain about NT complaints here. I too have had to learn how be not truthful, to go against every instinct I have, in order to fit in somehow. I didn't know the words for it or what I was doing, just that everything I was doing was wrong and everything I was taught was wrong was really right, and everyone but me understood and was okay with it. It's no wonder that since I can remember I thought my family and everyone around me were nuts. Utter loons. My earliest recollection is of this. I thought they were aliens, my whole family, that were wearing masks and one day would take them off and reveal their monster selves. Once I even asked my mother this, if she and the rest of them were all wearing masks they were going to yank off any minute and show their true selves. She thought it was a hysterical question, and just laughed and walked away, which only deepened my suspicions. I am so glad to be this way, though. I really feel I am blessed. I just don't like the way NT are sometimes and that I have to suffer for what I feel are good traits, like honesty.

Alla, in my experience, the best way to answer these sorts of questions is by saying something vague, and then turning the question back on to the other person. For example,
Q2: Why have you disappeared for days?
A: I was busy taking care of some things. So what have you been up to lately?

I am a very private person. At the first major job I had, I just wanted to come to work, get my job done, and go home. Unfortunately, my co-workers would pester me with all sorts of intrusive personal questions. At first I tried the above, but when that did not work, I resorted to being snarky and sarcastic. For example,
Q1: Are you in a relationship?
A1.1: Oh yes, I have a different girlfriend every weekend.
A1.2: Hell no. After all, there is a reason why god invented booze [alcohol] and hookers [prostitutes].
Q: So what are your plans for this weekend?
A: I am going to hit the casinos and strip clubs.

Some people did not get the hint and continued to pester me. Others complained. It was definitely bad office politics. Thankfully, at my current job people generally leave me alone and don't push beyond the usual vague pleasantries.

Here's my answers then...

1) Are you in a relationship?
No

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
I was busy.

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
I'm not going to university.

4) What are you plans for the future?
To get rich.