Do you tend to call people by their first name or last name?

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Depends on the context. Strangers are almost always "sir" and "miss", never "ma'am." If I'm e-mailing someone for the first time, I tend to address them as "Mr." or "Ms.". Only once I get to know someone do I use first names. I rarely use nick names or last names in an informal manner.

I pick an odd version of their name, or name them with their consent.

I was a Joshua for years, but I DESPISE being called Josh, it isn't my name, it is unaesthetic, and to top it all off, it's popular enough that I got stuck with "Josh M." for years.

Then I decided to go by Shua (sh-wah), which was fun, and suited me better. I now inform every Josh I meet that they could be a Shua if they wanted. I also check for cool middle names, but Lee doesn't suit me as well so I stuck with Shua for years.

Then my girlfriend broke a rule I have (NO NICKNAMES, EVER), and renamed me Max. I prefer it, so I adopted it full time. Will be legally changing my name someday, but I already sign it, and use it for all other purposes, because I don't accept a court or arbitrary group representing lines on a made-up map (a government) to have any more validity in deciding what name I use than I myself have.

Her name is now Bunny, incidentally, cause the name she was given with didn't fit as well, and that's who she is to me now. Max and Bunny, or Joshua and Courtney... obvious choice upon meeting us, I think.


Oh, I hate being called sir, because I don't use the term myself. If I wanted to be polite, I'll call you Mr., or Mr. (your last name) in extreme cases, which would be rare... I do refer to Professors as Prof. (name), or Dr. (name) after checking which they prefer, only going with other names if they ask... because well, they did earn the title.

Unlike, oddly enough, cops, who I simply address in a neutral social fashion. No terms of deference or respect, simply speak to them as if they were some oddly uncouth person who interrupted you, works well as they are somewhat put at ease by the assumption that I have no reason to treat them as if I am a criminal, whether I'm technically breaking a law or not. They're just some guy with odd clothes and a gun to me, I've had a few of them comment on that... if they managed to catch me, which was rarely.

I do refer to women as Miss, or Milady, or Young Lady, which is apparently quite charming... even when she's clearly 60 to 70 years old, because they all giggle and pinch my arms.

I just have an urge to say "excuse me mister" which would sound odd coming out of a nineteen year old!

_________________
I'm a writer, not a fighter and my pen is always loaded.

Magnús Scheving is my Icelandic rose

what i hate is when people call someone by last name only, no honorific. "hey, McWhatever, what are you doing in there?" it always reminds me of dumb jock behavior. i see a lot of women in my area doing this. usually large, loud, boisterous blue-collar types who tend to like football.

I tend to be formal in business, and I will tend to use Mr. N or Ms. N with older folks (and like TallyMan, I hate it when salespeople presume to call me by my first name). In social situations with peers, first name, and online I use people's user names or a nickname derived from that.

I feel very uncomfortable calling someone by their first name until I get to know them. The first time I say it seems so odd to me, as if I dare assume they would wish me to call them with such familiarity. Perhaps it is because I think it odd that they would call me by my first name after having just met me.

Am I the only one who doesn't use people's names when speaking to them? Unless they are far across a room I never say their name. The only time I use people's names is when I'm talking about them to someone else. I can't even think of a situation where I would need to use someone's name while speaking to them.

This never felt strange to me until reading this thread. Now it's going to stick in my mind that I'm being weird again.

This is a complicated topic for me.

I have a secret history of forgetting names. I bet it must be due to a missing signal of sorts in my brain. One that in normal people's brains rates names as an important piece of information that is similarly to faces and other such information about humans to be memorised before any other information.

It happened so that I remembered the colour, even exact shade of all these window frames on my 1 day of voluntary work. I only knew about 5-8 first names of the adults I saw every day during work after about 8 to 9 months.

I have however automatically memorised all names of more than 30 children within speaking with each of them at least once on my first 2 days of that same work. That meant that I knew their names before anyone else did. It was funny, being the only one who knew the names. I don't know how I did it, but learning the kid's names was easy.

It might have been because interaction with kids is easy for me. When I talk to an adult, I have to pay attention to so many more things. My face, their face, their gestures, their tone of voice, my way of saying things, formalities... it might be that memorising their name or face on top of this all is a little too much for my brain to take. Especially, because I do not have the automatic signal or concious feeling that the name is a very important information to be remembered.

That said, I can't decide whether someone's first or last name often because I don't know their name. I am glad to be able to refer to them by either of these then. I will just refer to them as you, trying to avoid their name because I just don't know it but really should. I can't go around and ask people I have known for weeks and months for their names.

It would not only be embarrassing, which I don't mind at all much. The actual problem would be that inquiring about their name would alert them. It's just not thought to be natural to not remember names. If I asked for their name, I would be pressured to explain myself and my reason for forgetting their name.

And I just don't feel like telling most people that I am not personally close to that I'm autistic. There are a lot of people who wouldn't understand how autism can have to do with forgetting names anyway.

I usually get around names by carefully thinking about my words as to avoid needing to refer to people by their name. In work situations or situations in which you're in a quiet environment or around only very few people, I found the following methods work just fine.

I'm tipping people on shoulders, before talking to them, if I think that's appropriate within our relationship. (I would not pat my boss's shoulder for certain.) Walking towards them until they notice me works too sometimes. Alternatively, I just make this “ehm” sound, to get their attention and then look them in the eye ever since I have learnt to do lots of eye-contact.

So you could say I'm addressing people by anything but their name quite often.

That is a little strange, because I say my friends' names and names of other people that I know so often. I am the one who uses names when going out the most often.

I have trouble getting people's attention socially, because I'm not doing the right signals. That means that it does not matter how loud or bold I am and that they won't pay attention until I get the right signal.

I found that people react to their names though. They pay attention if I say their names. First names I like better, because they work much better with most people than their last names. I guess that's because most people are so used to being called by their first name due to that being the main way they were refereed to in childhood and are still referred to in the private sections of their lives.

So I prefer first names then, though not so much for myself.

If it's a casual scenario and I know them well, I address people by their first names. If it's a classroom or professional scenario, I will address them as Mr./Ms. __________.

Sometimes I use Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms as a way to sound formal and pedantic when addressing people, or to grant them some respect when I feel it's well deserved. Other times it's by their first names......when I can remember what it is .

I also do not use people's names when speaking to them. It feels wrong and unnecessary. It makes me uncomfortable.

What about famous or notable people in conversation? Politicians?

I myself sometimes call Maggi Mr. Scheving as a mark of respect. But I would never call the Prime Minister Mr. Brown. It's an odd stigma that people in the UK seem to have- you can't call the prime minister by their last name alone. I prefer Gordon anyway

As for younger people, I never hear the term Master (the equivalent of Mr. used for boys) used anymore, but I reckon some well-spoken aspies would use it

_________________
I'm a writer, not a fighter and my pen is always loaded.

Magnús Scheving is my Icelandic rose

When I was in elementary school, this one teacher would constantly call me by my last name when addressing me. And by title. Mr. Micke, she would call me.

It was very agitating.