Do you find it hard sometimes to create smalltalk?

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Avarice
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24 Jan 2010, 1:44 am

richardbenson wrote:
i usually just listen rather than talk. but if someone is really intrested in me i'll unleash the madness, and more than likely wont hear from them again but thats ok.
oh by the way this has yet to happen but its the plan


That's me. If people try to talk about something I'm not interested in... I don't respond. If I'm interested... they hear about it.



Greshym_Shorkan
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24 Jan 2010, 1:48 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
for me standing in line is cool. (Oh you are buying the new Mario game oh cool the last one was great etc. on goes conversation)

I SUCK at regular smalltalk Wow it was real cold last week 33. (Job Coach: No I liked it) (end conversation)

OR Are you going to see Avatar? (her: No I don't think it's my kind of movie.) (end conversation)


I HATE when conversations go this way I like carrying a conversation not ending abruptly does anyone else have this issue and HATE when this happens?


In my imagination I'm good at it. In real life, I'm so quiet and aloof.



Avarice
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24 Jan 2010, 2:07 am

Greshym_Shorkan wrote:
zeldapsychology wrote:
for me standing in line is cool. (Oh you are buying the new Mario game oh cool the last one was great etc. on goes conversation)

I SUCK at regular smalltalk Wow it was real cold last week 33. (Job Coach: No I liked it) (end conversation)

OR Are you going to see Avatar? (her: No I don't think it's my kind of movie.) (end conversation)


I HATE when conversations go this way I like carrying a conversation not ending abruptly does anyone else have this issue and HATE when this happens?


In my imagination I'm good at it. In real life, I'm so quiet and aloof.


True, I often envision saying things and then think. "What the hell? I could never say that even if I want to."



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24 Jan 2010, 6:48 am

I can't small talk. :cry:



DegenerateCase
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14 Feb 2010, 1:39 pm

I too struggle with small talk. Small talk had always baffled me and seemed pointless. As I see it now though, small talk helps NTs indirectly sense each other's mental state (which seems to be a big part of an NT's day). So for the non-mind-blind, it seems to serve a rather useful function. Despite this admittedly humble insight, I still suck at it. I probably always will.



rmctagg09
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14 Feb 2010, 1:59 pm

I don't really have a lot to talk about, so I normally just say "Fine" to get my friends and family out of my hair. Personally, I prefer long meaningful conversations, which is why I'm normally not very talkative, especially towards people I don't know very well.



Brandon-J
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14 Feb 2010, 10:21 pm

yes but Its getting better since Im taking medications they really calm you down and you're more willing to talk to strangers. Just give it a try.


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millie
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14 Feb 2010, 10:32 pm

I find it incredibly boring.
But I have learned in the past decade to do it here and there but not for sustained periods of time.
I have to work hard and it is as if I have to try to constantly think ahead of the person to stay on top of it. It is not pleasant, is tiring and is hard.

As a younger person I struggled with it a lot more. I was intense, or semi-mute or even MORE intense or monologuing.



pensieve
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14 Feb 2010, 10:46 pm

One on one small talk with someone I know really well can be ok, just when a third person is introduced I go mute.
I kind of struggle a lot with small talk with a stranger, like the OP.
I haven't been around people for a long time so I don't know how I'll be. Last time was horrible which is probably why I have isolated myself. But within a week or less I shall know where I stand. I'm scared. :(


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Lecks
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14 Feb 2010, 10:50 pm

When I somehow find the strength and will to partake in smalltalk I tend to monologue almost every time. Somehow going from "Hey, how've you been?" to "...and that's why Superman is a [sissy]".


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xdr5tgb
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15 Feb 2010, 12:01 am

I have been trying to small talk more, talk to various people at work. The other day, i actually small talked in the elvator. The door made a wierd noise as it closed and the woman was walking in. I said i wanted to get off due the noise but actuall didn't, she then went on a long conversation about her firends getting stuck once. I felt bad leaving her while she was still talking. It works if you try.

I don't see myself as interesting and have a hard time with sustaining a conversation for long. Why would anyone want to talk with me? Do you like to talk about finance and theories of time travel?



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15 Feb 2010, 12:07 am

xdr5tgb wrote:
I have been trying to small talk more, talk to various people at work. The other day, i actually small talked in the elvator. The door made a wierd noise as it closed and the woman was walking in. I said i wanted to get off due the noise but actuall didn't, she then went on a long conversation about her firends getting stuck once. I felt bad leaving her while she was still talking. It works if you try.

I don't see myself as interesting and have a hard time with sustaining a conversation for long. Why would anyone want to talk with me? Do you like to talk about finance and theories of time travel?

I would love to have a long discussion about theories of time travel. I have once tried to steer a conversation in that way but the receiver didn't want to think about things like that.


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15 Feb 2010, 12:18 am

Not Sometimes! The main thing I "learned" from a course in communication I "took" [long story] was the concept of "phatic communication". Some people, it was said, on occasion talk just for the sake of talking and bonding, with little or no serious communication content, with questions not meant to be answered.

I TRY to fake small talk with new people, but it is like salmon leaping up a river of molasses.



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15 Feb 2010, 6:19 am

I'm not the best small talker, I'm all about the big talk. I'd rather go up to someone say hi and start talking about the subject in my head, and just do that. But I'm not supposed to so I have to do all that how are you nonsense beforehand.


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persian85033
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15 Feb 2010, 4:34 pm

I have a lot of trouble with smalltalk. I mean, what are you supposed to talk about? 'good morning, how are you?', and then? 'er...soooooo,' I'd just end up standing there like a fool. 'well...I guess I'll go now' I don't even know how it's proper to say you're leaving.



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15 Feb 2010, 4:41 pm

Philologos wrote:
I TRY to fake small talk with new people, but it is like salmon leaping up a river of molasses.


As well as small talk, this comment I don't understand. What does it mean...anyone? :?

Anyway back to small talk,
My problem isn't really with creating small talk but in knowing what is classed as small talk and what isn't. Family often say to me that I get into deep conversations with people too quickly about things that they are uncomfortable talking about or don't understand. I don't attempt to make small talk with strangers for this reason, only with family who understand my differences.


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