Researching every statement you make...

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^ Lmao I know. "Hiding behind the facts" as opposed to.... hiding behind lies??

I can empathize with that. I also realize that there are points when you simply should run the risk of being wrong, particularly when the true answer is generally unclear. Try reading up on Richard Feynman, he had the right mindset where this is concerned.

When I do say something that requires factual knowledge, I have to look up several sources. Part of my fear is being wrong, but my biggest fear is misinforming someone. Lately though, I've become obsessive about sources and worry if my sources are "good" sources. I spend so much time finding the "right" sources, I hardly see the worth of answering those type of questions anymore. It just takes a ridiculous amount of effort.

I honestly don't see what you are doing as "arrogant".

How can you even hide behind facts? Maybe they think that discussion cannot exist when one already knows the correct answer. Or they are simply afraid to be proven wrong. I know I am. I am terrified of being wrong, because when I am not right, I know nothing.

Ah, this may be the key here. I do this any time someone expresses a different understanding of something, whether the subject is important or not. I want to know which one is the correct understanding. Obviously, I am not talking about matters of opinion but, say, the definition of a word or something of that nature. Something that can be proven factually. I will immeidately look it up.

My friend says that since this is the first action I take, it shows that I am in the mindset of debating. Sources should not be interjected into the conversation unless a debate has been engaged and sources are needed.

Conversely, I don't understand why someone would not want to verify their statements on any and every occasion.

I believe this means that you are not "putting yourself out there." You are not expressing your personal feelings or assessment of the situation. You are only spouting the facts which they see as a sheild because the "real" discussion is about what you think.

?

Sorry for the triple-post. I am posting things as I think of them.


I think I have come up with a satisfactory compromise. I believe my friend is idicating to me that he thinks my obsessive researching is for the benefit of "enlightening" the other person. Which I agree seems condescending. But my real motive is to confirm the facts to myself. Therefore I think I will be satisified if I research the facts for my own sake but don't announce that I have done so to the other person.

That might sound very obvious to most people but I have a tendency to just say what is on my mind before thinking of the import. So realizing that I don't have to tell the other person that I am researching the facts is a brilliant breakthrough for me

Thanks! It always helps to have other minds to bounce ideas off of for some reason...

I see what you are saying. I also do this, though I didn't include it in my post. I still think he is misunderstanding your intentions...this is why.


In my opinion, it seems that you are on a quest for the "truth" rather than proving your point. In my mind, that doesn't seem like someone who is debating or arrogant....this is my opinion mind you. I can't get in your head, but based on your statements, that's what I sense.

I hope I made sense, I'm always worried if I made sense.

^ It makes sense.

*big sigh of relief*

I think this is merely the point of philosophical discussions, which in my opinion are more like conversations. I usually get in arguments about who is right and then opinion isn't relevant or useful to anyone.

yes...I used to much more when I used to like to debate issues online. now it's more to make sure I am factually correct, etc.

I suspect that many people are intimidated entering into a debate with someone who is better armed with evidence and with rehetorical skill. Rather than acknowledge their feelings of intimidation, they choose to characterize knowledge and skill as arrogant.

This is an area of social interaction where my understanding continues to be very elusive. Very few of my friends/acquaintances seem to enjoy debate, and often choose to abruptly cease, rather than attempt to find a middle ground. I have to remind myself that they have a right to stop participating, even if my needs for intellectual closure have not been met. (sigh)

This is definately something that I need to work on.

Yes I do. Very obsessively.

yeah i do this, even just for definitions of words i'm not 100% sure i'm using correctly. i'm too scared of being wrong!