"Phases" of socializing

Post Reply New Topic

The inconsistancy is a problem for me too.

I try as hard as i can when i feel up to it, at work for example i will go upstairs and talk to the people i see in another department who i deal with. I go up and have a laugh with them and try to talk for a while.

Then another time i just want to get down to work, or they come to me and i blank them becuase i'm busy and really can't focus on them with the effort it takes to be happy and interesting and listen to them.

I understand it must be confusing for them but my only alternative is to just blank people all the time, and that seems even worse.

I guess the solution is to explain the reasons to help them understand, but that's a pretty big step.

It's another case of wanting to cry becuase people think i'm mean or rude when i'm actually trying my hardest to be nice.

Thank you, everyone for all the responses. I didn't realize that so many people felt the same way. I guess I'm not as different as I think.

I have experienced the same thing. I once had a panic attack severe enough that I had to call crisis....this was during work. That was extremely embarassing.
At this point, I'm starting to have the attitude that people will have to deal with it. My family has gotten used to it. My boyfriend struggles with it. He would like to have a girlfriend that would be involved in his social life.


I like how you illustrated that...and that's a good way to look at things.


I'm glad things are working out for you and you finally like yourself. I don't think your response was counter productive at all.


I actually probably wouldn't miss socializing in real life either. I have the internet and that's all the socializing I need. Since I've been out of school, I've been away from people nearly all the time. I noticed I lost some of my social skills and I decided that I would go out once a month. But it feels more like work than pleasure.


I would be quite beside myself if I had to spend two days with people. The only way I could deal with it is if I had a whole closed space to myself for when I need to shut down. Did you have such a thing? Like a room?


The "social cup illustration is very good. My boyfriend might as well have a social 55 gallon drum LOL!!


I never thought about social anxiety. I do see a psychiatrist, I'll have to bring that up to him. Thank you.


I definitely used alcohol as a means to socialize. I don't anymore, it seemed very empty and superfical....I wasn't "me"...well...I was drunk me. LOL But that's not really who I am.
I'm assuming from your post that you no longer do any of these things, I'm very glad you don't. It's a terrible way to live.


I give you kudos for continuing to make the effort. That was one of the hardest things for me to do was trying to be social at work. I was often described at "hot and cold" or moody (which I can be).
I eventually used work as an excuse not to socialize.

> I'm sorry that it ended in not speaking with her though.

Well, I felt disrespected, and she didn't want to bother to understand. Why continue, then? Sometimes I think of recontacting her. I know she'd be open to it because she sends me forwards fairly often. I'd like to be able to keep the connection, but keep it casual, not overly frequent. It could easily get overwhelming. I am much busier than she is. If people won't respect limits, they become a problem.

Love the hibernating bear comment. Going to use it myself in future.

Yes I tend to socialise in short bursts, like just one big social event then it just goes as quickly as it came, like the hiccups.
I have times where a few weekends in a row I see all of my friends then I spend the next 100 years on my own.
This tends to happen alot on school trips/guide camps, I spend the first couple of nights really outgoing and having a great time then suddenly I'm completely out of ammo and I say nothing and can barely speak to people. In februrary 2008 I went on a long weekend (friday-sunday) to some place called mare cottage with guides, there were other guide groups there. On the saturday evening I had made friends already and I was doing lots of talking and spent all night giggling with some girl who I was getting on with, I couldn't believe what was happening but then I had used up all my socialising in a few short hours and was really quiet the day afterwards.

I did eventually retire to a room, but it took hours to get over how I was feeling. I've got to just limit myself to being social for one day, or even half a day.

I get this way, too, from time to time. I'll have the urge to get out and be social for a while, then I'll desperately need to not be around people for a while. I've lost a number of friends this way, when I've been out of touch for a few weeks or months.

I go through the exact same thing. That's one of the reasons why I can't create lasting friendships with people - I'll feel like socializing with them for a little while, then I'll get tired of talking and go weeks without sending them a message. Then they wonder if they did something to upset me, or if something bad happened to me. Then I'll reappear and talk to them again. It's an endless cycle.

I used to deliberately try to get into arguments with people so they wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. However, this may have also been a defense mechanism; the "I'll hurt you before you can hurt me" train of thought born out of my distrust of people in general.

It's a constant struggle. What I'd really like is moderation but it seems to be all or nothing, just like every other aspects of my life - all extremes! I've been dry for a week, this attempt. I haven't taken the awful drugs I used to take (speed, etc.) in years.

It's all about coming to terms with the fact that I am what I am and I will never be that dancin' queen ...

AS or no AS, I've got to stop trying to be "normal", to be one of those, and just try and let myself be a good, happy, kind one of these....


I am very glad that you have found all the replies helpful. This forum really is amazing, isn't it?

Yeah...I know what you mean, the same happens to me